to feel too young for marriage & kids?

[marghini]

I noticed that on Mumsnet there are many posters who are quite young (like 20-25 yo) and are married with DC.

This made me wonder if it is weird/ unreasonable of me to feel like I am too young to get married and have children.

I am 26yo and I work FT in the creative industry in London. I am in a stable long-term relationship and I definitely want to get married and have kids in a few years, but I feel like it is way to early for me now.

On top of enjoying my freedom and flexibility very much, I am putting a lot
of effort into developing my career so that (hopefully) I will be in a comfortable professional spot when I finally feel ready for kids.

None of my friends (around my age) IRL is married or have kids.

Is it immature of me to feel this way? Anyone else is in a similar spot?

I think having kids in your mid twenties is the best time.

My mum was 37 when she had me. DP's was 24. She has so much life and energy left now he's left home, whereas my mum was retired.

I never felt ready in my twenties. Now I'm 34 I feel it's too late. I'm ok with that though and would probably have a baby at this age if I felt sufficiently broody. Though I feel the ship has sailed.

Not immature :) everyone is different.

I hadn't started by 30! but I can see why being able to return to the workplace 'done' would be a great advantage. I'd mine at 32 and 35 so luckily they were both at school by the time I was 40. I had an image of myself at forty with two children old enough to wipe their own bums :-p

I can't imagine having younger children.

In a perfect world and I know there's no point thinking about this, I would have had them at 29 and 31 and had a great party in the middle. But I was recently dumped at 28. :-p

Chrome, you feel the ship has sailed?!

My friend hsa just had her second at 43. I didn't see number two coming though.

Not immature at all - in fact you are incredibly mature to think about and make the right decision for yourself - no way would I have wanted to be married with children in my 20s - I married at 30 and had my first child at 42 - I didn't want any more children, had no problem conceiving. But I appreciate that for many women that would be the wrong decision as they don't want to be dealing with teenagers as they approach 60 . Very few of my circle of friends were married in their early 20s.

Do whatever is right for you.

This is off topic but I am 26 and in London expecting first DC...I'm going to be one of the youngest, aren't I

Every one is different. I'm 25, married with two children. I also work self employed in a very satisfying job. I still asked my mum the other day when I'd feel like a grown up! (She said she still didn't at 56!)

Maybe maybebabybee - I had ds1 in London aged 28 & was one of the first from my group of friends.
Now in mid 40's with 3 kids I look in horror at my friends who are still having babies. I just wouldn't want to be doing baby/toddlers now.

You meet lots of all age new friends as a first time mum anyway. You'll meet some your age as well.

I'm self employed and work in the creative industry too op, I'm 26, married and had our first dc 9 weeks ago.

I waited three years before having first baby so I had some trusty clients waiting for me after mat leave. I knew I was ready for dc but I didn't feel old enough really!

I was definitely not ready in my 20s. When I got to 30, I was, but dh is younger than me and wanted to wait till he was 30. Took us a while to get there, but now have a nearly 2yo and just got pg with the next (I'm 38).

I think there are many advantages of being a younger mum, but I'm glad I waited, me and dh have had some amazing times together, and feel able to focus on family more now. Career for both of us is more established, so we are better off too.

I think it's very dependent on your circumstances as well.

I was married at 25, had our first DC at 27, 2nd is on its way now and I'm 30. I'm also university educated, firmly middle class, grew up in (and still now live in) London.

However. I'm the exception rather than the rule. My friends, most of whom followed a similar early life pattern to me, are mostly single and childless at 30. My younger sister is also both single and childless at 26, and works in the City.

My hand wasn't forced, but there were a number of factors which meant we were in a better position than most to start a family; I inherited a deposit so we were able to buy a home not long after marrying, my DH had an unplanned DC from a previous relationship (who was just getting older the longer we put off having siblings for him), and my DM had her DC at 38 and 42 - and I was very aware that I wanted my DC to know her as a 'person' rather than 'just' a grandparent as they grew up (which as it happened was a good thing as DM died in 2014; I'm glad she got to meet my DD before she did).

It's making your lifestyle suit your circumstances. Marriage was the thing which changed our life the least, but I feel like we've made the right choices so far.

I was the same as you! Would've hated to loose my freedom so young! I met my now husband when I was 24. We talked about marriage and having kids, but it was always a long way into the future! We got married when I was 29 and finally felt ready!

We decided to buy a house before having children, as once kids come along saving a deposit gets much harder. We've been in our house since February, I'm 31 now, and am just feeling ready to start a family. I feel we are in a much better position financially compared to when we were younger.

Sometimes I still don't feel old enough for such a huge responsibility, but the broodiness has really started to kick in over the last year.

You are definitely not immature!

I was engaged at 22 and married at 23. I always say that I wish my husband had let us get married earlier. It was my dream to be a young wife and mother. My husband is 12 years older and only one of his friends is married. It's different for everyone. You will get married once you feel ready. This can be at 18 or 80.

err no, its up to you whether you want kids or not.

It's not a class thing not everything is a fucking class thing

YADNBU. I always thought I'd be ready to have kids in a couple of years, not right now. I'm pretty sure I've run out of couples of years now, but I'm still not ready and if that means never that's fine. It isn't immature to listen to what you really want rather than everyone else's expectations- the opposite is true.
I don't agree with the people who suggest you should "plan backwards" though. Some of the unhappiest people I know had a plan and stuck to it. Didn't let the fact that they were with the wrong person when the target dates came up stop them. I wouldn't swap.

Times change also, 30 years ago most of my pals were married with at least one child by 25. You are so young still, enjoy your career and life now.

I lived in London from ages 21 to 28 and I just couldn't see how children could fit into my life (expensive housing, long commute for cheaper housing, long hours culture etc).
Once I'd moved to a smaller city where loads of people walk to work/school/nursery and finish at 5:30 and affordable housing then it made a load more sense.