Shared care parenting -holiday requests 15 nights away, unreasonable?

[Claratark]

First time post-I feel very emotional about this issue and I would like to hear the opinions of other parents out there. I will try to give the facts rather than be emotive but to be honest my stomach is in knots, I am only just realising that my ongoing situation is causing me chronic stress which has been effecting my immunity, health and having knock on effects on other areas of my life such as work. I am an active Mum, I work hard for my girls and try to be fair towards my soon to be ex-husband. I feel like I am constantly waiting for the next emotional blow.
I am the mother of two daughters who are 4 year old and 6 years old. Their father and I have been separated now for two years now. We have a shared care parenting arrangement where the girls stay with me for 4 nights and him 3 nights a week. This was decided by us rather than courts, my ex constantly requests 50/50 access but I disagreed to this due to the fact that he gets to see the girls more over the school holidays and because of their age. It isn't ideal for either of us but I really try to be fair for the sake of the girls. I don't like sharing the care of our daughters and feel like a part-time mum, all I wanted from life was to be a good mum, but I empathise with Dad's that miss out on parenting. I work hard to bridge the gaps with email hand overs and trying to put our daughters needs always first.

My current issue is that my ex has requested to take out daughters away on holiday for 15 nights in July (he hasn't informed me where). I personally feel like this is too long at their age. Actually, when I say requested, I feel more like I have been told that this is what he intends to do. I feel bullied. I have expressed verbally and via email that I am against this length of time. Last year he took them away for (I think), 10 nights and they returned very emotional and clingy. I would never consider taking them away from their father for such a long period at such a young age as I value their attachments .

My oldest daughter seems to be more effected by our situation and gets unsettled when she is out of her usual routeen. During the Christmas period my daughter expressed her feelings to me. We discussed her concerns and talked about her putting dates on her Ipad so she knows what she is doing and feels more empowered. Then his holiday plan came, I expressed all my concerns to my ex but I don't think he hears me, he has his own agenda.

I don't want to be unreasonable but it feels wrong for both my daughters and me at such a young age.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Their attachments are not altered by things like this. They will, however, need time to adjust, as you saw after your last holiday. That's normal. Don't you feel a bit different after returning home from a holiday? I know I do, it takes me a day or two to get back into the swing of my normal routine.

I have a similar set up with my ex and I hate my children being away for so long but that's my feeling to deal with. Yes they come back and say they missed me but they also have a fantastic time.

I would (reluctantly) agree to the holiday and I'd make sure I had a lot of things planned to keep me busy - preferably a trip away of my own. It does get easier.

Assuming your ex has a caring and strong relationship with them, I think YABU. Kids adapt, providing they're not stifled. You say your stomach is in knots4&6 year olds can certainly pick up on that kind of anxiety. No doubt I sound rather tough, but I've regularly been away from DDs for longer than 2 weeks. We missed each other, but they were fine. I think it does kids good to develop independence. flame away--

I haven't read all of the other responses, but I'm in a similar situation.
We have an informal agreement, whereby each parent gets three weeks per year of 'holiday' time. Those three weeks can be taken as each of us sees fit.
My ex-H usually has a one week and a two week break. I usually use mine as three individual weeks. My children can be clingy before the two week break, but I just talk to them about the exciting things that they will be doing on the upcoming holiday. We also discuss the fun things that we can do when they return.
I am remarried now, with two step-children, and another DC, so our family holidays are a bonkers and chaotic bundle of laughs. 100% child focussed - so we'll usually incorporate beaches, swimming pools and amusement parks.
Ex-h generally picks his 'ideal break', and then they are incorporated into it, and his parents go along for 'childcare'.
You can guess which holidays are the most exciting, but we just tell them how lucky they are, and they take onboard the benefits.

I do feel for you. It's rubbish being without your little ones for so long, and they will obviously miss you a lot.
Can you not incorporate an 'annual cap' on holiday length, as we did? For us, it means that a long holiday means that we will lose fewer days later on. Somehow it's more manageable that way, and prevents additional 'piss taking' as a weapon against you later on.

A few days to return to normal is normal. Of course they'll miss you, that's normal too. But if they have a good holiday, YABU.