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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have posted this reply to colleague

74 replies

loopsylala · 30/12/2015 09:20

My colleague is on facebook posting about how lucky 'some' people are to have their DPs "doing all the childcare, housework, shopping" for them while some other people (ie her) have had to move away from home and have no one to help them (she's a single mum too)

Due to health problems, which she knows about but I won't go into for fear of outing myself, I have a lot of help with my child and around the house. Been in and out of hospital too.

Was I unreasonable to reply that she's actually lucky NOT to need any help?

Think the first day back at work might be awkward now...

OP posts:

araiba · 30/12/2015 15:05

you both sound awful and i am glad i have neither of you on facebook

Damselindestress · 30/12/2015 15:05

She didn't mention people with health problems in general or you in particular in her post. I would have thought she was complaining about her situation rather than criticising yours. There is always someone worse off, but that doesn't mean a person can't vent about their situation sometimes. Not having help doesn't mean she doesn't need help, she may be healthy but her life has it's own challenges. If she has posted this sort of thing more than once, I can understand that would be annoying for you to read but it's better to hide her posts from your feed than start drama with a work colleague.

Skzr1214 · 30/12/2015 15:09

Looks like she is aiming at you in your opinion. But even healthy mums need help sometimes. So a decent response is to be silent and get on with your life. Sorry

Lexigrey · 30/12/2015 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 30/12/2015 15:12

You shouldn't take what you read on FB too seriously. It's not your fault she is unhappy with her lot in life and gets no help. And half the posts on MN are complaining about useless partners who do next to nothing and expect to be waited on hand and foot. The grass is always greener.

helennotsomadnow · 30/12/2015 15:25

I have no one to help. I have to do every single tiny thing and make every single decision. It is exhausting. Yes, I can do it with no help but I would kill for someone to share the burden of day to day life.

^^^^

helennotsomadnow · 30/12/2015 15:28

oops posted before I finished

it may not be about you, sometimes its how I feel exactly and I may even be tempted to put it on facebook not to have a go at anyone but in a way to maybe get some help or support, its hard doing everything last thing alone with nobody, and this time of year when its all about family makes it that bit harder

Allyearcheer · 30/12/2015 15:46

OP your last post made it clear that you have reacted to the db post because you are unhappy in your own situation (understandably).
But people do not triple check every single thng they say for how it might make others feel. It is unfair to expect them to. I had a friend who expected this of others and it just made her constantly upset and angry with others. It also made her unpleasant and impossible to remain friends with. I got tired of coming away from a night out with her thinking, 'did I say anything that might have upset her' it was exhausting, and felt very controlling of her.
You are sounding a bit like her. It will only make you unhappy.

Jux · 30/12/2015 16:17

I'm disabled and have help come in for me. It would never occur to me that something posted on fb like that was aimed at me personally. Why on earth would she be doing it simply to upset you? Does she have no other friends? Do you not think she may simply be finding it a bit hard on her own, and wanted to say so? Maybe someone else had said something her to make her feel inadequate and she's pointing the comment at them?

You are not the only person on fb, or in other people's lives.

spanky2 · 30/12/2015 17:31

Why do people want to share comments about how crappy their life is with fb? I'm not being sarcastic, I really don't understand it.
I have had crappy things happen to me, but no way would I moan about it to people on fb. I just wouldn't want people to know and feel sorry for me I guess.
I have friends who were abused as children like me and we play who's got the worst childhood memory. But we usually laugh at how awful it was but I'd never post anything about it in writing on fb.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2015 17:37

can no one see how thoughtless and insensitive she was to post that in the first place? I'd happily swap places with her and indeed any of you, if I'm as lucky as she and you all think. Parenthood is not a competition and its wrong to make assumptions like she did of me.

She posted it on her own timeline.

If she'd posted it on yours, you would have a point.

It's not about you OP. She's entitled to moan about her own struggles, without you turning it into a competition...which is what you appear to have done.

TooSassy · 30/12/2015 17:40

YABVU

You made her post all about you, self centred, much OP? She's more than entitled to post her views/ offload on FB and it NOT be about you.

Delete your comment and have the manners to apologise when you see her f2f. That's if you haven't already been deleted from her Facebook account.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 30/12/2015 17:42

She's allowed to have a moan on her own Facebook and yes, it may be awkward when you return to work

planter · 30/12/2015 18:09

Your reply was crass and insensitive.

Maybe think about an apology to smooth the way at work.

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 18:25

Why do people want to share comments about how crappy their life is with fb? I'm not being sarcastic, I really don't understand it.

I don't either. But I also accept that some people do. It seems odd to me, but I always think maybe these people don't have anyone to say these things to in RL that they feel comfortable talking to.

Some prob do it for attention, but for some it may be the only way of getting their feelings out.

MidniteScribbler · 30/12/2015 22:07

People who need help and get that help ARE lucky. There are plenty of people out there who need help and get absolutely nothing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2015 22:23

MoMoTy · 30/12/2015 22:25

Yabu and quite arrogant to think you are the only thing on her mind, do you really believe she meant this for you. Don't make her postings about you.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 30/12/2015 22:49

Who helps your friend when she is ill and has to look after her child(ren)? When they have a stomach bug and she has it too, who helps the little ones?
Fluey cold that makes her just want to stay in bed and sleep for days...?
Bad back that leaves her unable to bend down or carry anything or move without pain?

Answer: no one. She just has to get on with it. I know I have!

I know I'm lucky to have good health in general. I know I'm lucky that my children are actually rarely ill. I am certainly not in the market for a hardship competition because everyone has problems they struggle with, be they logistical, physical or financial. Why not just be supportive of others rather than trying to compete for who has it worse? It must be exhausting looking for slights all the time.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2015 22:55

I don't see why you're so convinced it was aimed at you.

Once again I'm puzzled why people have friends on Facebook that they don't even like much.

Crabbitface · 30/12/2015 22:56

Regardless of your health complaints you ARE lucky to have folk helping out. Some people with serious health complaints have no one and there children have to live with foster carers. Take a step back when you see posts like these and really think about it.... there is always someone worse if than you.

Crabbitface · 30/12/2015 22:56

Their not there goddamit!!!!

Crabbitface · 30/12/2015 22:58

Off not if ... Goddamit again!!!

memyselfandaye · 30/12/2015 23:37

When she said DP, did she mean parents? I only ask because you say shes a single parent too.

So do you mean you are both single parents and your own parents help you out?

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