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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have posted this reply to colleague

74 replies

loopsylala · 30/12/2015 09:20

My colleague is on facebook posting about how lucky 'some' people are to have their DPs "doing all the childcare, housework, shopping" for them while some other people (ie her) have had to move away from home and have no one to help them (she's a single mum too)

Due to health problems, which she knows about but I won't go into for fear of outing myself, I have a lot of help with my child and around the house. Been in and out of hospital too.

Was I unreasonable to reply that she's actually lucky NOT to need any help?

Think the first day back at work might be awkward now...

OP posts:
FlatOnTheHill · 30/12/2015 10:18

I dont think its a good idea having work colleagues on FB. Unless they are a good friend.

mommy2ash · 30/12/2015 10:30

You made her situation about you. Very unreasonable and very selfish of you. If she was having a hard day you have just made it worse well done.

I have had something similar in the past was having a hard day and tried to relay this to a friend who I thought would be supportive and instead went on a rant about people who have lost children are terminally ill and refugees. It made me feel worse as even though I know loads of people have it worse in that moment I just wanted a there there it will get better. Everyone has their own problems and have to face them themselves. Others problems don't impact the toll yours takes on you

Trills · 30/12/2015 10:33

If you think she is posting passive aggressive comments about you, unfriend her or at least unfollow her so her posts don't come up where you can see them.

That way, if she IS doing it they can not longer upset you, and if she is NOT doing it you won't be tempted to massively overreact.

We can't tell you whether this post is about you or not, but please do remember that while you are the protagonist of your own story, in other people's stories you may be little more than a background extra.

LordBrightside · 30/12/2015 10:34

I stopped using Facebook and took it off my phone because I got sick of how people were carrying on. Facebook became like mental clutter. I didn't want them in my head space and I'm better for it.

A lot of people are just not equipped for communicating via the Internet and it leads to trouble. As a mere observation, most but not all of the Facebook drama I observed mostly involved female on female drama.

TheCrazyDuchess · 30/12/2015 10:34

Sorry sad to say I agree with the other posters here, yabu and you shouldn't have responded to get post on her wall.

If you really felt it was aimed at you either bring it up to her privately or block her on FB.

HanYOLO · 30/12/2015 10:54

Gosh. I think you have behaved quite badly. What she has said is true. People with parental help - regardless of other circumstances - are lucky. Presumably she is having a tough time, and having a moan. You've been bitchy. Way to go.

notenoughbottle · 30/12/2015 10:59

YABU - she's entitled to have a moan if she wants however self absorbed it appears she may be. Although I wouldn't broadcast it on somewhere like FB, my life is bloody hard as a disabled single parent to 3 with the very slightest bit of help... sometimes... She's probably feeling a big sorry for herself, maybe it's even a bit of a cry for help?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/12/2015 11:04

Delete your comment and either delete her or block her posts so that you have to look at her profile to see them.

Step away from FB.

peggyundercrackers · 30/12/2015 11:29

do people really care about what others say on faceache? close your account and go do something else less boring instead.

hefzi · 30/12/2015 11:42

It's really not always all about you Hmm

Leelu6 · 30/12/2015 12:23

YANBU. Next time she may not be so quick to post Grin

Not sure though why you've not deleted her from your fb tho Confused.

NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 30/12/2015 13:16

I think you were childish, and your comment was just as PA as hers, even if she was aiming it directly at you.

Hissy · 30/12/2015 13:17

You are being way too sensitive.

You need the help you get, and thank god you get it. Try and emphasis with the many who don't have the help they need.

Many have DP's who make things worse, or have family who make Christmas a bloody nightmare.

We never know what goes on in the lives of others, if she's ranting about her life, let her, it's not aimed at you.

Unfollow her posts

Hissy · 30/12/2015 13:19

Oh and hugely rude to put your comment, Yabu.

Original poster
loopsylala · 30/12/2015 14:16

can no one see how thoughtless and insensitive she was to post that in the first place? I'd happily swap places with her and indeed any of you, if I'm as lucky as she and you all think. Parenthood is not a competition and its wrong to make assumptions like she did of me.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 30/12/2015 14:19

Did she tag you in or something?

penguinplease · 30/12/2015 14:23

Why do you care so much? It's just Facebook.
Your comment was silly and makes you look a bit paranoid. You shouldn't have anyone from work on fb.
Would've been better if you'd just liked her comment imo.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 30/12/2015 14:25

can no one see how thoughtless and insensitive she was to post that in the first place?

No, because she wasn't. Not everything is about you.

HanYOLO · 30/12/2015 14:29

Sorry, OP, no. People are allowed to talk about the world as they see it from their perspective.

If you have help, you are lucky to have that help. If you need it more than others then that is unlucky.

Someone said "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about". She may have forgotten this, but you definitely have.

TheCrazyDuchess · 30/12/2015 14:30

It's her post her wall her Facebook, she is entitled to write about how she feels?? Just as you are well within your right to do the same on your own wall.

You are right, being a parent is not a competition and every single situation is different. If anyone turned it into a "who has it worse" completion, it was you.

Not sure why you are taking it so personally but agree with others that work colleagues do not belong on FB. Delete the post and hide her feed.

Toooldtobearsed · 30/12/2015 14:30

Are you her only friend then? Is it just you and her on fb?

The chances of her sitting down and thinking 'what can I post that will really piss loop off' are pretty slim.

The world does not revolve around you, don't take it so personally.

Everyone has their own problems and difficulties, are they supposed to have a moan about nothing until they have consulted you first?

I know handing out grips is passe on MN now, but if ever there was a time.......

Enjolrass · 30/12/2015 14:36

can no one see how thoughtless and insensitive she was to post that in the first place? I'd happily swap places with her and indeed any of you, if I'm as lucky as she and you all think. Parenthood is not a competition and its wrong to make assumptions like she did of me

How is it thoughtless? She thinks people who get help are lucky o get that help. She didn't mention you personally or say 'it's ok if your are sick, because you get help....you lucky bastards'

She made a general comment about how she gets no help and people in the same position do and are lucky. I don't use FB for sympathy or this sort of stuff but it's her Facebook and if she wants a moment of self pity, it's up to her.

You may swop places with her, it doesn't mean her life is easy.

Parenthood is not a competition.....you have tried making it into one.

As I said just because you don't have anyone to help, does not mean you don't need help.

Arfarfanarf · 30/12/2015 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeNouedDeViperes · 30/12/2015 14:44

and its wrong to make assumptions like she did of me

You haven't said any thing that shows it is about you, unless you were named or tagged, you cannot make that assumption.

Sallyingforth · 30/12/2015 14:58

OP It's too easy to get involved with arguments due to thoughtless posts on FB, without you actually going looking for trouble.

Stay away from it or at least from this person. You'll be a lot happier.

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