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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say actually having children at Christmas does not make it a 'magical' time?

78 replies

GlitteringJasper · 28/12/2015 10:03

I'm not going to win Mother of the Year, ever, but definitely not for this post I know.

I've a 1 and 2.11 year old and while there have been some nice elements of Christmas actually there were none most of it was flipping horrendous and hard work.

Not helped by the fact that I've had 6 weeks of them being sick with one thing and another. Both of them have horrendous coughs, no treatment required according to GP, but I'm getting no sleep as I'm worrying about them coughing in their sleep and choking.

AIBU to say I miss my old Christmases? The ones where I could watch what I wanted on to, eat and drink what I wanted, lounge about?

Christmas Day was all about dragging my two to grandparents, they were raging as we were late and after it all my son wouldn't eat anything anyway as he wasn't feeling well.

Particularly my eldest child I find needs constant entertaining, never happy to sot and play by himself, he is extremely demanding. Both dh and I feel we never get a minutes peace.

So for us Christmas was just another day with all this pressure to make it magical and truth be told it was just another day.

I love my little children dearly but they are hard, hard work, harder than I ever anticipated. AIBU?

Does it get easier when they are older?!

OP posts:

SexNamesRFab · 28/12/2015 10:31

When my DC were your little one's ages I can remember sobbing over my Xmas dinner as I'd worked so hard to prepare it I was too exhausted and harassed to eat it. It does get much better but you need to scale back a bit and take it easy in the run up. We see family before and after Xmas, never on the day itself. A quick scam if mumsnet will explain why!!

merrymouse · 28/12/2015 10:32

Yanbu at all.

Baby's first Christmas can be magical if they are a good sleeper and portable. However baby's second and third Christmas are often just a battle with an over tired toddler who wants to pull the tree over.

It does get better though - around the time that they sleep longer and can remember and anticipate Christmas.

KitKat1985 · 28/12/2015 10:33

Oh I hear your pain. Can you and DH get anyone to offer to babysit for a bit so you can have some adult time to enjoy yourselves? Also whilst they are still small, don't spend all of your Christmases driving to grandparents. We've made this mistake before. This year we took DD to see each set of grandparents over the Christmas period but really cut it back to shorter visits and we had most of Christmas day just the three of us at home, and it was a lot more relaxed.

annandale · 28/12/2015 10:34

Things also improve a lot when school take over doing a lot of the Christmas stuff. It's a hell of a lot more magical when a group of professionals has organised the nativity play, class party, carol service and Christmas fair and all you have to do is turn up and blink away a tear.

Blueberry234 · 28/12/2015 10:35

When we were child free we had this definite idea how Christmas would be magical with them, it is loveky but it is so bloody exhausting . my Husband and I were saying yesterday we don't remember Christmas being so bloody tiring as kids now we understand why!!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/12/2015 10:36

Yep far easier from age 4. Easy peasy when the youngest is 4 and older one can even help do the "magic" thing for the younger one by operating the DVD player

My 4 year old has been so into Christmas this year, and absolutely believes in his own slightly re-hashed version of Father Christmas (he thinks Arthur Christmas is real too, and we live abroad where St. Nikolaus comes on 6th December instead of Father Christmas on Christmas eve night, but without missing a beat he has been informing people they are cousins... :o ) My older 2 are past the Father Christmas stage but still get excited and enjoy Christmas.

This year I decided to do a meal we all actually like, so we ditched the Turkey and sprouts and had lamb - how very dare we, but it meant all 5 family members actually enjoyed the meal :o

Kids aren't performing seals - the grandparents need to get over their "rage" at an unwell small child not eating much too!

MrsCampbellBlack · 28/12/2015 10:37

There is just way too much pressure to have a 'magical' Christmas.

I was ill before Christmas and 2 of my children have been poorly over Christmas. I felt guilty that I wasn't doing all the usual things like going to the ballet etc but felt too rubbish. And the children were perfectly happy playing in the garden etc.

This year for the first time ever we spent Christmas day by ourselves and it was nice - not magical though

The children played with all their presents and relaxed and we saw family on boxing day [glosses over DD vomiting at their house].

I like this bit best to be honest - I am busy de-cluttering and eating sausage rolls for breakfast.

MorrisZapp · 28/12/2015 10:38

Baby's first Christmas my arse. I had pnd and I wanted to be dead. I usually hate motorway driving but going to in laws I was fine because I thought a high speed collision would suit me nicely.

Second and third were fraught and stressful. DS is five now and I'm starting to see the joy at last :) His nativity play was utterly lovely, and doing Santa etc is such fun.

Sil says enjoy this bit, you get five more years of it then they just grunt at you and fiddle with their phones :) Sounds alright to me!

catgirl1976 · 28/12/2015 10:39

YANBU

I love DS and it has been magical. But if I have to play one more Playmobil knights tournament I may break and run to the pub and stay there

I do miss lounging in bed and suiting myself

But I wouldn't really swap what I have now with DS. Maybe just for an hour........... :)

MrsJayy · 28/12/2015 10:41

Your babies dont know its christmas they dont care granny made dinner and they had to enjoy it it was just another day to them and tbf it is only a day in a few years they will get it and enjoy it.

BaronessBomburst · 28/12/2015 10:42

It will definitely get better!
DS was five this year and Christmas has been exciting and magical. He's been enthusiastic to help with the preparations and with choosing presents, but also old enough to shove him the tablet, or to go and get his own glass of milk.

MrsJayy · 28/12/2015 10:44

And magical christmas is a myth fed to us through telly adverts and christmas films in reality you just have a nice day

GoblinLittleOwl · 28/12/2015 10:45

I am really sorry you feel like this.

To me, having children made Christmas worthwhile; it was magical seeing their surprise and excitement and I liked playing with them; more fun than the in-laws.
Nowadays, (no grandchildren), it seems to be nothing but hard work and money and protracted television.

Janeymoo50 · 28/12/2015 10:45

Poor you and your little ones. YANBU, this was a grotty Christmas for you. But, there will be others when they are well and it will be magical. Don't be too harsh on yourself that things weren't as anticipated, it's always a challenge living up to the dream of the perfect Christmas with little ones who aren't "on form" as such.

shins · 28/12/2015 10:47

Mine are supposed to be a "magical" age (8 and 5) but they fight ALL the fecking time, it's so miserable and exhausting
I haven't had a too hectic Christmas entertaining-wise or anything but I'm worn out already and wishing I could read a book or watch a film in peace. My eldest is 19 and I took him for a quick pint on Christmas Eve, now that was magical

fresta · 28/12/2015 10:49

I think having a magical Christmas isn't a given, kids or no kids. If you want magic you have to create it, it doesn't come automatically. I also think the magical part is often in hindsight, after you have created family traditions which you can then look back on as magical in years to come.

I would start with not dragging your kids to relatives on Christmas day.

Twinklestein · 28/12/2015 10:50

It does get so much easier. And they don't really understand what's going on at that age anyway.

I'm quite strict about not overloading Christmas Day. You can choose to have it with your DH and kids and see GPs on Boxing Day if you want.

Also perhaps consider having your Christmas meal at a restaurant, or buying the whole damn lot from 'Cook'.

BoboChic · 28/12/2015 10:50

Christmas is, by and large, an artistic production put on by mothers for the benefit of their families. You need to some extent to repeat bits of the production from year to year - a whole new creative endeavor each year is beyond most of us - but you also need to vary/improve some of it so that the beneficiaries of your production don't get bored.

Christmas will only be "magical" if you, as its Artistic Director, have orchestrated it that way.

Twinklestein · 28/12/2015 10:50

Xpost

I would start with not dragging your kids to relatives on Christmas day.

Exactly.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/12/2015 10:51

I agree with those saying the "magical" bit is a myth pushed at us by advertisers who want us to buy goods and services - buy "magic" ...

Dial down the pressure and have a relaxed day next year.

People who try to make those around them actors in their stage managed perfect magical Christmases inevitably exhaust and disappoint themselves and have everyone else walking on egg shells... nobody wins.

Twinklestein · 28/12/2015 10:54

Christmas is, by and large, an artistic production put on by mothers for the benefit of their families

It shouldn't be still be the case in 2015 but it often is. It certainly was for my mum. My dad used to buy the Christmas tree and the wine and that was his entire contribution to Christmas effort.

Because of that I made it very clear to my husband that Christmas is a joint production and we are co-directors.

He likes cooking and present buying which helps enormously, and now the children are old enough to decorate the tree and the house, things are a lot easier.

TheSconeOfStone · 28/12/2015 10:55

Your DC are too little for it just yet. That's a tough age gap too. Mine are 8 and 5. Young enough to love all the anticipation and school activities but old enough to operate the DVD player. Our Christmas was fun and actually pretty stress free.

I have usually put too much pressure on myself to have a 'prefect' Christmas. This year we are in the middle of moving and DH is DIYing all hours when not at work so I scaled back a bit. Kids didn't notice. As long as there is our visit to Father C at Eden and pressies the rest is garnish.

Lighten up on yourself at least for the next couple of years. Take the pressure off. I wish I had.

Katedotness1963 · 28/12/2015 10:58

They're too little to enjoy it yet, that'll come though. Now is the time you tell everyone you'll be spending Christmas Day in your own home from now on. Kids don't want to be dragged about to different houses, they want to stay home, in their jammies, with their new toys. Much more relaxing for their parents too!

MrsJayy · 28/12/2015 11:02

A pp said family traditions make it magical I agree at 2 and 1 you have not built up these christmas traditions yet they will come and your children will have a nice time.

tiggytape · 28/12/2015 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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