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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask is it normal for a 13 year old to know what they want to do when they grow up?

94 replies

var123 · 28/12/2015 08:13

DS1 is in year 9 and has to make his GCSE choices soon. He's been asked several times recently (by teachers, family, friends etc) what he wants to do when he grows up. He has absolutely no idea.

I thought it was normal not to know, and all he has to do with his GCSE choices is keep his options open. However, I am beginning to wonder if I am mistaken and most 13 /14 year olds do have a future career in mind that they are working towards?

Personally, I didn't find out what I wanted to do until I'd left university and had been working for about three years and it was a job that no one in my childhood world would have even heard of.

OP posts:

theycallmemellojello · 28/12/2015 09:42

It's normal not to know, but it's also normal to have started thinking about it and having ideas. So not u for people to ask teens this question.

HSMMaCM · 28/12/2015 09:44

DD's school told them even if they are 100% sure what they want to do, they should take a broad range of options , in case they change their minds.

DD has completely changed her mind now ... After starting A levels.

museumum · 28/12/2015 09:47

It's fine not to know. But if they do have an idea and it's something really tough (eg medicine) then they need to make certain decisions and commitments all the way from GCSEs.

dratsea · 28/12/2015 09:48

Var123 Bit ahead of you, in 1968 really nice physics master asked which college I had applied for and got the application in with hours to spare. Open Exhibition in one subject, intending to read another and changed to a third in final year. HMG paid for my studies. After 35yrs in NHS I think I have repaid my debt. I choose to ignore private practice.

For your DS, the paradigm has changed, unless he has a clear goal that needs a degree at 21 he is better doing whatever he wants and at some later date can add a (very good) degree to his CV. My best wishes to him.

museumum · 28/12/2015 09:48

I was interested in both architecture and engineering at school but then totally chickened out of training for a specific profession and chose a physics and maths degree to keep my options open. Very glad I did.

TenTinyTadpoles · 28/12/2015 09:54

Some have a job in mind but in my experience it will change as they get older. I don't know anybody who is doing the same job that they wanted to do when they were at school. Mine is close, I don't manage a day nursery thank god but I do do some teaching.

tomatodizzy · 28/12/2015 09:58

Some do, some don't. My son is 13 and wants to be an international pilot. He may change his mind, but it doesn't matter. The problem is not that your son doesn't know at 13, the problem is that at 14 he has to narrow down his life choices! The UK education system needs an overhaul, prior to 1950 it used to have only six subjects anyway, over the years more have been added, instead of continuing to study them all, children are now asked to limit their choices. That's backwards.

Enkopkaffetak · 28/12/2015 10:01

I have 4 all around that age. Dd1 17 has wanted to be a primary school teacher since she was 5. Still does. Dd2s 15 has no clue but perhaps something with therapy helping children. Ds just turned 14 and also picking his options has no idea. Kind of half interested in law but put off by history teacher who insisted he had to do it in A level. Managed to get that one calmed and he is picking history over geography for gases. Dd3 age 12 wants to work in a language some sort of science

I think all 4 are normal spectrum.

I am mid 40s and never got to so what I wanted to be as a 13 year old. I would still have liked to (midwife) but life had other plans answer that's on too

StarOnTheTree · 28/12/2015 10:11

DD1 (19) knew what she wanted to be from year 8 and although it's changed slightly over the years she's doing a degree within that area of work.

DD2 (16) is in year 11 and has absolutely no idea.

I think both are totally normal but it was much easier to choose GCSE and A level options with DD1.

Clutterbugsmum · 28/12/2015 11:55

I'm 46 and still don't know, where as dd1 nearly 12 has always wanted to be a teacher, ever since she started reception. She has never wavered or changed her mind. DD2 just 8 has wanted to be a doctor, teacher and will probably change her mind again. And DS aged 6 wants to dig holes. Not sure if he means gardener, archaeologist or a digger driver.

mygrandchildrenrock · 28/12/2015 12:02

I have 5 children, 4 adults and 1 teenager. Only one (3rd child) knew what she wanted to be from about age 6 and never faltered. She's a dentist!
The others didn't know and sort of fell into their careers after/during uni, which I think is quite normal.

grumpysquash2 · 28/12/2015 12:13

My DS1 (age 14, year 10) doesn't have specific plans, but does know that he wants to do 'something' in computing or engineering, so is doing those as two of his GCSE options along with triple science.
He definitely wants to do computer science for A level. But as it isn't a facilitating subject (can't imagine why not!) he will probably have to combine it with double maths and physics if he wants a chance of getting into a good Uni. Which seems a bit limiting IMO.

grumpysquash2 · 28/12/2015 12:17

Duh - brain fuzz.

I meant to say (more clearly than above) that I think its normal not to know what you want to do at 13, but it helps if you have some vague idea of direction.

And the whole facilitating subject thing doesn't really help - I think kids are strongly pushed towards Maths, English, History etc. at A level, when they might really love Business Studies, Sociology and Psychology.

CharleyDavidson · 28/12/2015 12:17

Dd1 is very focused and has known since primary what she wants to do. She wants to be a writer and spends ALL her spare time writing and posting on fan fiction websites for reviews and constructive criticism. I really admire her efforts and the quality of her writing.

I did worry that she might be too narrow with her dream, but she has also decided that she loves history and when she was 13 she decided that if writing doesn't work out for her then she'd like to be a history teacher.

Hovis2001 · 28/12/2015 12:21

Something which a teacher said to my class around the time of choosing options has stuck with me. He pointed out that when he was our age the expectation was of people going into one career and sticking to it, but nowadays it's entirely likely that one individual may have multiple different careers over the course of their lives, so not to get too obsessed about choosing the right subjects for a specific career. I am now less than a year away from my final year of formal education (PhD) and have experience and qualifications that I think still give me a wide range of options, in spite of the academic specificity of my doctorate. I'm quite excited to see what hand life plays me. I think in today's current economic situation it's much better to be open-minded and to have the qualifications that allow you to be flexible.

That said... I would always advise GCSE-choosers not to do what I did, which was drop languages entirely. Most schools don't allow it anymore I think but mine did and I didn't enjoy the lessons so dropped them at GCSE. I then had to acquire one during my A Levels as my uni required a language at GCSE for the humanities course I was doing.

Hovis2001 · 28/12/2015 12:23

Charley

Tell your DD to go for it! I got old and serious and dropped that particular dream in my late teens - am now considering that (freelancing combined with trying to get a novel published) as my next step once the PhD is done. I might not work out but better to have tried in vain and all that...

wlv12 · 28/12/2015 13:09

I knew from a very young age (6) that I wanted to be a midwife.

I am now one, however I do think that the majority of people don't know at that age (13) what they want to do.

TenTinyTadpoles · 28/12/2015 13:27

We had that issue with the facilitating subjects, It's possible to do two and then two that aren't that you like, Ds went for maths and English lit alongside psychology and sociology.

grumpysquash2 · 28/12/2015 13:41

TenTinyTadpoles
What does your DS want to do after A levels?

Education funding is being cut in our area and our (very excellent) 6th form college is only allowing 3 choices of A level, unless double maths is included.

LookingForwardto2016 · 28/12/2015 13:41

I think it's normal for a 13 year old not to know what career they'd like to do. My close circle of friends knew by the age of 16 what they wanted to do. They all went to uni to get the degree they needed, and 3 of them are actually in their chosen career path now. One is a nurse, one designs computer games and the other is a teacher. One wanted to be a journalist but she either changed her mind or hasn't found a job like that yet.

So I think by the time they get to around 15/16 they have a good idea and they also know what courses they need to do after year 11 to achieve it. They will also have a better idea by then what their abilities are- a 13 year old might want to be a doctor but will get to GCSEs and struggle with science. I wanted to be a dietitian at that age but gave that one up when I went to college when I wasn't good at science.

After that I have thought about what I'd like to do and I really don't know. I trained as a nursery nurse but now I don't want to work with children. I worked in office as a benefits assessment officer and I hated that. And I've also worked in retail which I didn't particularly like either. I'm 26 now and still don't know what I want to do!

kslatts · 28/12/2015 13:46

My 16 year old dd doesn't have a clue what she wants to do, she is in year 11 so doing her GCSE's this year, she has a place a college but keeps changing her mind about which a levels to study for, I have advised her to go for subjects she enjoys.

Bigoldsupermoon · 28/12/2015 13:56

Not RTFT in its entirety, Var123 but apropos this:

he'll have to choose between geography and history which are both strong interests.

I had a similar issue. I wanted to do three languages at A level but school would only allow for two at GCSE; I had to take (much loathed) Drama instead. I went directly to my language teachers and asked for help: my French teacher ended up taking me for Spanish at her house on Sundays. I also took an extra GCSE at lunchtime once a week. There's often a way to bend the system if you're passionate about a particular subject, so please don't give it up before you've tried, if it's what your son wants

dodobookends · 28/12/2015 14:16

I am at a loss to understand why a choice has to be made between geography and history.

SirChenjin · 28/12/2015 14:19

Some do, some don't - more don't, imo. I think it's far too young to decide - but DS knew he wanted to be an engineer from a young age and hated being forced to do 2 years of subjects at High School he had absolutely no interest in and no intention of taking as exam choices, so what do I know?!

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 28/12/2015 14:35

No it's not unusual. I had no clue. I still don't know now and I'm 34...

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