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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To this this was rude and very unfestive

65 replies

scottishegg · 27/12/2015 19:18

Myself my husband and 3 children ( 7, 5 and 2) went to his parents to spend Christmas evening with them.
We arrived at 5.45 which due to traffic was a little later than normal though we phoned ahead to explain/apologise.
When we arrived his mother greeted us and told us that my fil and Bil couldn't wait for us and had already eaten, she then prepared a nice Christmas meal but told us that eastenders was on at 7 and she didn't want to miss it.
My fil came downstairs about half an hour later to tell my mil that not only had she missed emmerdale but she would miss eastenders if she didn't hurry up. He said a very quick merry Christmas and that was that.

My husband explained to his parents that they had sky plus and could record the shows they wanted though this went on deaf ears.

At 7 on the dot his mum went upstairs where they watch tv and didn't come back down the rest of the evening not even for half an hour. We eventually went to bed at 11.

After such a fun filled Christmas Day it did spoil it for me and the children as they were coined to one room as not to disturb them and they were really bored.

A factor in this is that his parents are in their early 80s and are rather set in their ways. Am Aibu to be reluctant to want to spend Xmas day with them next year and possibly go a couple of days before or after!

OP posts:

charlestonchaplin · 28/12/2015 17:08

ffs People do often regress when they reach a certain age and start to behave like small children again

This is absolute rubbish. Outside of dementia, which only affects a small to moderate proportion of elderly people (depending on age), people do not 'regress when they reach a certain age and start to behave like small children again'. Out of interest, what age did you have in mind?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/12/2015 18:08

My parents are in their 80s and would never behave like this in a million years. They record lots of things they don't want to miss and catch up with them at convenient times. They've even learned to use iplayer to catch up with stuff that way. Not every older person is inflexible and selfish, you know!

ffs78 · 28/12/2015 18:13

I found it with my grandparents - they would get anxious about doing anything out of the ordinary like eating out somewhere new or missing a tv programme when they got to their mid seventies. Dh's grandma became very stubborn, staggeringly blunt and petulant in her old age. We often felt angry and offended whenever we went to visit! It is of course still rudeness but I'm just saying that with elderly people it is sometimes just easier to change the way you handle it rather than start arguments. I've also worked with both the elderly and preschool children and trust me they are not a million miles apart! Not everyone of course - some people are just rude it's up to the op to decide what's the case here and what is best for her. It's a shame she was treated this way there's no doubt about that.

GlitterNails · 29/12/2015 12:50

My Grandad is 93 and set in his ways, but spent all of Christmas Day with us and wouldn't be so rude.

Being tired isn't an excuse, lots of people struggle for variety of reasons, and we just have to work around it, or don't invite people over for the time we're shutting down.

Also they were watching TV, not tired.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 29/12/2015 13:18

The one and only time I went for a meal at one of dhs brothers house, pretty much the same thing happened and they were only in their mid 40s.
We arrived, had a nice meal but his wife vanished off part way through as she was feeling unwell (we'd have happily rescheduled), she shot upstairs and did not come down. Dh's brother did not bother to go and check on her.
Almost as soon as we'd finished eating dh's brother disappeared into the lounge, put their big TV on quite loud to watch a Chelsea match. Apparently he never misses them.
And that was it. Me, Dh, Dh's Dad sat like lemons, unable to even talk very much as the volume was up loud and Dh's brother would shush us if we were distracting him.
We left at half time. It was only about the second or third occasion I had met the man and I didn't feel able to say anything, but both dh and his dad did apologise on the way home.
Op, I get the impression that for everything they may have said, they didn't really want you there. Next year, if its mentioned again you could simply state that you don't want to be an inconvenience to them or interrupt their usual evening plans.

JessieMcJessie · 29/12/2015 13:36

I think it would stem from tiredness and anxiety about routine change, but they should at least have been honest and apologetic and it is definitely not something that is excusable just because of their age.

Did they actually interact with the grandkids when they saw them? Did you all exchange presents? Does your DH have any siblings? Do you visit them quite a lot i.e. is it normal for you to just treat their home like an extension of yours and make your own cups of tea etc, or would they consider you to be guests? If you are quite at home at theirs usually perhaps they didn't realise how rude they were being just leaving you to your own devices?

We were at the ILs on Xmas day. MIL is quite a keen follower of EE but knows how to use iplayer and only decided to watch it after we insisted that we didn't mind and she deserved it after getting up at the crack of dawn to make a lovely dinner. I ended up watching it with her (I have a vague sense of how it works from the old Den and Ange days) and even thought it was stupidly melodramatic I think I might now be hooked! DH is distraught .

eddiemairswife · 29/12/2015 13:54

They may have drifted off while watching TV. I do it all the time.

RumbleMum · 29/12/2015 14:04

YANBU. That was rude! My DF is in his 80s and DM is mid 70s and would never behave like this (and would also fall about in fits of laughter at being considered 'very elderly' or 'set in their ways. Maybe your parents are set in their ways OP, but I don't buy it as an excuse.

LongHardStare · 29/12/2015 14:12

Why didn't you go to them upstairs? Why didn't you go early enough to help/do most of the cooking? In what sense were the kids confined to a room? If you know they love their soap christmas specials either watch them together or arrange to go round at a time which doesn't clash.

HoHoHoandaBottleOfRum · 29/12/2015 14:17

I think at their age I would also let them off.

However its rude and terrible behavior and old or not my DP would never have done this.

Next year, you know what to expect, so simly do not go on xmas day.

rainydaygrey · 29/12/2015 14:19

Very rude.

I forgave them when I saw how old they were. But YANBU to not want a repeat in future years.

Clutterbugsmum · 29/12/2015 15:09

They were very rude, and I wouldn't bother going next year.

FWIW, we went to my Inlaws on Sunday and my BIL and family were late by about 2 hrs because of bad traffic. It didn't matter we just adjusted what we cooking so things did get burnt or cold.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2015 15:14

This was just for dinner? I mean, you weren't spending the night you were just there for the evening, right?

I would have finished dinner, put my dirty dishes in the sink, and packed up and gone back home.

JessieMcJessie · 29/12/2015 15:32

Carcass the OP says they were invited to spend the night because she doesn't drive and her DH wanted a drink with dinner. By the time it was clear that the PIL weren't interacting her DH was already over the limit.

OP, do they have a TV downstairs as well or were you all stuck in the living room with nothing to do?!

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2015 16:07

Oops, missed that post!

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