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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To this this was rude and very unfestive

65 replies

scottishegg · 27/12/2015 19:18

Myself my husband and 3 children ( 7, 5 and 2) went to his parents to spend Christmas evening with them.
We arrived at 5.45 which due to traffic was a little later than normal though we phoned ahead to explain/apologise.
When we arrived his mother greeted us and told us that my fil and Bil couldn't wait for us and had already eaten, she then prepared a nice Christmas meal but told us that eastenders was on at 7 and she didn't want to miss it.
My fil came downstairs about half an hour later to tell my mil that not only had she missed emmerdale but she would miss eastenders if she didn't hurry up. He said a very quick merry Christmas and that was that.

My husband explained to his parents that they had sky plus and could record the shows they wanted though this went on deaf ears.

At 7 on the dot his mum went upstairs where they watch tv and didn't come back down the rest of the evening not even for half an hour. We eventually went to bed at 11.

After such a fun filled Christmas Day it did spoil it for me and the children as they were coined to one room as not to disturb them and they were really bored.

A factor in this is that his parents are in their early 80s and are rather set in their ways. Am Aibu to be reluctant to want to spend Xmas day with them next year and possibly go a couple of days before or after!

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 20:06

I understand age is a factor but why couldn't they see their grandchildren instead of watching soaps even if they delayed watching them for half an hour. They have been out and about a lot over Christmas and went to their social club till 11 the night before.

OP posts:
skinnyamericano · 27/12/2015 20:08

Totally agree shazza (and so sorry about your Mum). Of course age is an excuse!

They are very elderly and set in their ways, but not a great Christmas night for you! How long did you have to drive to get there? I hope not too far. Perhaps next year insist on a Boxing Day visit.

ADishBestEatenCold · 27/12/2015 20:10

Ghnocci is correct.

Emmerdale was on earlier ... about 6.45pm ... but it looks as of your PIL were lying about the need for MIL to go upstairs and watch her programmes. How strange!

It sounds like they just wanted to spend the evening alone. Did they socialise with you at all, scottishegg?

ffs78 · 27/12/2015 20:11

I know people say age is not a factor but it really is. People do often regress when they reach a certain age and start to behave like small children again - sticking rigidly to routine and thinking of their needs with no regards to courtesy. It's very hard to be treated like that after a journey on Christmas Day and I can understand your annoyance - I just think the best option is to learn from it and do things differently next time.

Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 20:17

In fairness my timings may be slightly out and I'm pretty sure I confused emmerdale with eastenders so don't think they are lying as such but they didn't come back down once after this.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 27/12/2015 20:23

I'd make it clear to DH now you will not be doing it again next year and why. Then in plenty of time next year suggest you see PIL before/after xmas day. If they say no come for xmas tea remind them it didn't suit last year.

IssyStark · 27/12/2015 20:23

Yes it is rude whatever age you are. You don't invite people over and then abandon them. And 45 minutes is hardly a huge delay for a meal, plus they were forewarned.

I wouldn't bother next year - see them on Boxing Day if they can fit you into their schedule.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 27/12/2015 20:27

No age isn't an excuse. Why invite people around and then spend the evening upstairs in bed? It's plain weird rude. They could've saved you the trouble of going.

PunkrockerGirl · 27/12/2015 20:31

Eastenders was on at 8.45 same time as Downton
Bastards.

TheFairyCaravan · 27/12/2015 20:36

I've never seen heavy traffic on Christmas Day. It's always been dead whenever we've gone out.

Perhaps your MIL was tired out by the early evening? I know I was and I'm half her age.

Birdsgottafly · 27/12/2015 20:37

If the OP had of turned up on time, they would of had at least an hour and a half together, which is long enough.

Age is a reason to be set into a routine.

I do occasionally watch the Soaps on catch up, but prefer them when they happen on Christmas etc and I'm only in my 40's.

I am sometimes late, I would never complain that I wasn't given enough time from someone, if I was.

Why couldn't you go after eating OP?

Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 20:40

We have never been late before usually it's a breeze getting there, only thing I can think is an accident or incident of some sort.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 27/12/2015 20:40

How rude of them!

I agree that age should be no excuse for such bad manners. My own parents are in their eighties. If they get visitors they concentrate on those visitors. That can include me, with my DH and DDs. The TV isn't on and we have a chinwag and catchup.

Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 20:42

We stayed the night as this is what they suggested, I can't drive and my husband had had a few glasses of wine with his meal so was probably over the limit!

OP posts:
Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 20:45

Half hour/ 20 mins with us would have been enough.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 27/12/2015 20:45

What does your dh think about his parents' behaviour?

CFSsucks · 27/12/2015 20:45

WTF? Do people post on AIBU to purely be contrary?

This is the OPs husband parents and her children's grandparents. Who cares how old they are, they were rude. You weren't late on purpose, and phoned ahead to let them know (which is a damn sight more than some people do) and they wouldn't wait to eat or actually spend any time with you at all. TV can be watched any time. Crap excuse.

I wouldn't bother to spend Christmas day with them again if they are that set in their ways that visiting close family get completely ignored for stuff like the sodding TV (and I love my Eastenders).

Birdsgottafly · 27/12/2015 20:49

What time did your children go to bed? They probably also thought that they'd be winding down and dropping off before EE at 8.45.

My Mum would sometimes go upstairs to watch television, it had become her routine, in her 80's, as was watching Dr Who on Christmas Day.

McColonel · 27/12/2015 20:52

Rude as fuck

Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 20:53

Children went to bed late my routine goes out of the window on Xmas day and I'm not a particular stickler for routine when they visit them.

OP posts:
Lauren15 · 27/12/2015 20:56

My parents are like this about their tv programmes. We've just spent our first Xmas in years without them and it's been so much more relaxing not having to schedule the whole day around tv programmes. I'm really hoping we can spend it on our own next year too.

Original poster
scottishegg · 27/12/2015 21:47

My husband is very laid back and accepting. His parents had him in late middle age. He did say though that if his mum asks that we go there for Christmas Day again he will say to her that he doesn't see a point f they aren't willing to give up a bit of their tv time But naturally he's aware of their advancing age and wants to spend these special times with them.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/12/2015 21:55

But naturally he's aware of their advancing age and wants to spend these special times with them.

Yes, but you didn't, did you?

Rude.

feebeecat · 27/12/2015 22:26

What did your dh say?
We used to have same with mil, very set in her ways. Last time she wanted us over to take her out to dinner, we had countless phone-calls before we left and while we were travelling for the 90 minutes it took to get there - dh is always, always late (how she did not know this is beyond me). Eventually arrived, got told off and she moaned all through dinner until we eventually took her home again. At which point she went straight to bed and told us to let ourselves out. It was by this point about 7.30pm. Even dh had trouble denying this was 'normal'. Bright side - never had to do it again Grin

biggles50 · 28/12/2015 16:03

Peeps in their 80's generally get tired in the evenings. They're set in their ways and clearly hate their routine interrupted. Day visits would be best and bed and breakfast.