to think that people see loneliness as an old peoples problrm

[TartanBirdFeeder]

I'm watching the itv programme about people who are lonely, it's awful that so many old people are lonely but there is little recognition or provision for the middle aged lonely who have nobody other than their children and are largely housebound due to lack of cash and confidence. People should stop to think of the invisible lonely who have nothing.

Be born Asperger's. You'll be lonely most of your life.

Timely I know. I've gone through without ever having had a friend.

People assume I'm having this amazing life. I enjoy going to new places. I put photos on Facebook but what they don't look hard enough at is the fact that there's no people in them. EVER.

Salt lake, yes, and never any photos of yourself except selfies?

Exactly tartan but still no one notices. I've been all over the world but it's nothing if you've no one to share it all with.

Same here. I travel a lot but it's not that meaningful alone.

I sympathise Tartan. I know exactly what it's like.

I'm sure they do notice you are alone. Maybe they think it suits you like that. What would you like them to do.

Yes, incredibly. I can't tolerate crowded places so that complicate it too

My lonliest time was in my 20s too. Sending lots of to lonely folks of any age.

I've had periods of loneliness but I couldn't compare it to the loneliness of my grandmother who lived until she was 96 which isn't that old these days but, in her case, she outlived all of her siblings, cousins, school friends etc by 9 years. That is a very long time to live without anyone to reminisce with about your childhood.

I was thinking the exact same yesterday. I know 3 different friends in various parts of the country who are in their early 30s and spent xmas day alone. 1 due to an illness that keeps her largely housebound (and will only get worse) and 2 that are single parents whose children were with the exes. I was lucky enough to have my DD with me - next year will be my turn to be alone.

But then when you're a single parent with no family local, most nights you sit alone once the kids are asleep. There needs to be more more recognition of 'younger' people who are alone. And that UK society can be very isolating.

Im 23 and i feel really lonely at times. Yes i have my friends and family but it would be nice to have someone to talk to in the evening when my wee boy goes to bed. Im really grateful that i have my dog he is great company especially at night time

I used to work with young people who had been in care and so many of them were alone. It was heartbreaking. Lots of to people on this thread.

I remember this awareness campain they used to show on tv where I live a few years ago. It showed an elderly woman sitting on a bench in a park alone, looking a bit sad. Then suddenly she smiled and waved at a friend who was approaching and walked off arm in arm with her friend, chatting. Then the view zoomed out, and you could see a young man sitting alone on the next bench. The tagline was something like "loneliness has no age". I think it showed well what you are saying, OP.

Why are people coming on this thread defending the idea that it's reasonable to think that older people are the only people who could be lonely? It's not true and people who are lonely are telling you that.

Vulcan - I'm not expecting them to welcome me into their friend and family groups with welcome arms or solve the world's issues but an occasional invite for a coffee would be nice. I invite people regularly but no one ever comes. People tell me I'm a lovely person but I think Im someone everyone overlooks.

salt I get that too. But I have the kids which helps with holidays etc. But once they are in bed no one thinks to pop in for an hour.
My life seems to be made up of a web of disastrous relationships, always trying to fill the hole of loneliness. Now I am determined to stay single and learn to fill that hole with something else.
I often wonder whether lonliness is a state of mind rather than an actually duration of time alone. Sometimes I can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely.

AtSea - 'Sometimes I can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely'. I get that too. I put it down to being psychologically isolated from the rest of my large family by my narc mother who scapegoated me. It was like I didn't exist most of the time to my family except when the abuse was happening. I used to get these over whelming pangs of loneliness/emptiness after visitors had gone because family would be on their best behaviour while they were there but when they were gone, it would go back to normal.

This has carried on into adulthood and I feel isolated everywhere apart from in my own home with my own family. I can't make conversation with people beyond standard greetings, or make friends. Can't even work at the moment due to an anxiety disorder. It is a horrendous feeling, not sure I will ever be free of it, but I live in hope!

Vulcan they can't do anything. I don't have any friends, i have anxiety and crowd phobia so busy rooms are a trial as I am to trying not to have a panic attack. My non working day is spent checking mumsnet, playing a few games on FB, browsing the net and painting; I love to paint and joined a local online part of the local arts group but I can't go to any of their social events. I work but luckily it's in a small office with only two others so is manageable. Physically my health is poor because of the anxiety issues which only mumsnet knows about. Now I need to name change as I've said far too much so I'll go back to my quiet self that can hide in the anonymity of mumsnet. None of my family know and dsis is on mn so better safe than sorry, though I doubt she'll recognise me as we aren't close.

I have found that the more time I spend alone, the harder it is to break the cycle and actually go out there and be with people. I've been on my own now for 4 days and neither seen nor spoken to anyone. But I have an event scheduled for later today that I'm desperately trying to think of an excuse to get out of. Just the thought of having to go and be with people who will be asking whether I had a nice Christmas and I will have to nod and smile and say "it was lovely " and listen to the details of what a good time they all had. I won't be a wet blanket but I wish I could stay inside what has become the norm for me.

Tartan, I could have written your post. Everything you've written rings true for me too. People at work think that I'm gregarious! They don't know that I come home, shut my door and neither speak nor see anyone again until the next day. I'm trying to broaden my life but it doesn't come easily to me and is so much harder when you're on your own. Lonliness sucks whatever age you are. Thank goodness for the Internet. It's been my only link with the outside world.

Plenty of friends but much as I'd love it, most of them live far away.

Try meetup.com - they have groups to suit every kind of interest. I often socialise with people in my local Meetup group. I know it's not for everyone but here in London there are so many different groups, I'm not home alone unless I want to be.

There are the usual weirdos but that's always the case with any hobby or social group. I just politely say hello and move on.

Met a few friends through Meetup too.

I'm finding that if I join in Mert-up groups, I'm viewed as though o shouldn't be there and treated differently, because I'm 'older' at nearly 50.

The comments etc get very old, very fast.

I find that the over 50 groups aren't physical enough, walking groups etc.

I've been off work through ill health and I'm starting to find it difficult to hold conversations, my confidence is dropping rapidly.