To think some Mumsnetters have an idealistic vision of Christmas alone?

[winterswan]

Now it's over, I feel I can ask this.

I understand that if you've spent weeks/months shopping, wrapping, saving, preparing and cooking the idea of waking up in an empty house, spending the day pottering about reading and listening to radio 4 sounds nice.

The reality is a bit different. Some points are:

1. Living alone is more expensive than living as a couple. Someone living alone just maybe isn't drifting around a wooden floored penthouse in a white waffle dressing gown but in slightly less desirable conditions.

1. the Mumsnet line is that it doesn't have to be a turkey dinner, just special food you enjoy. That kind of happens every day when you live alone - you always make and choose food you like.

1. As above to films.

1. As above to baths.

1. As above to books.

I will probably get flamed but I've had

So the reality of a Christmas alone is that it can be lonely, isolating and sad.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it winter
I love to spend the day alone. I have plenty of invites but I enjoy pleasing myself and hate xmas dinner and all that. I do however spend the build up and day lying to people about going to a friend's place. I tried being a bit braver about telling people I'm alone and I forget how upset they get as they think I'm alone and miserable. I'm really not, I'm eating pizza and chocolate and having a nap and opening presents.

It's not about saying that the day will or won't be stellar. The day will be what it is - it is largely your perception of your experience that makes it good or bad (IMO)

What I think is the problem here is that we live in a society which appears to culturally sanction the family as the ideal and people who live alone as somehow deficient or strange or to be pitied.

Which is ironic of course as I have lurked on what seems like 100s of threads today about toxic relationships, awful Christmases, crying and rows.

So i don't think authentic communication is about saying 'I am sorry you will have such a shit time you single loser' but rather 'I am sorry you feel that way. Is there anything I can do to help make you feel any better?'

And probably you can, by simply listening and not trying to convince the other person that they should in actual fact be super grateful for circumstances that they don't actually relish.

i spent christmas day alone from 11-6 and it was utterly shit. wouldn't wish it on anyone. i cried watching tim vine and ate a ready meal which i bought from the garage yesterday.

crap and sad day. woe was me.

I hope next year is better kennyp. And same for anyone who is feeling sad at this time.

There is a lovely poem, I will see if I can find it.

Found it!
Sometimes - Sheenagh Pugh
Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss, sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

yanbu op, i spent xmas alone last year

thanks spero. you've made me cry (in a nice way!!)

Yanbu. I am very happy alone in general but would hate to spend xmas by myself. It's about being with others imo.
We have a neighbour in her 60s who lives alone. When I asked her plans for xmas she said she always cooks herself xmas dinner, watches TV and has a lovely day being alone. I invited her to join us for cheese and biscuits, mince pies and wine in the afternoon - she jumped at the chance, bought presents for the children which she loved seeing them open and was clearly happy to be with us. I don't think she was really overjoyed at spending another christmas alone.

Spero is definitely my Mumsnet heroine :)

Your cheque is in the post winterswan!

Sending best vibes to all who have had a shite Christmas. May the NY bring much better things.

I would fucking love to be left alone at Xmas. (And we don't do any of the stressful stuff. I'd just rather everyone that wanted to do Xmas did and left me alone!)

Well, maybe you'll get what you wish for one day

Hope so!