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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this crappy Christmas present?

66 replies

Mrswinkler · 26/12/2015 11:59

Another moany thread....

Ok, so from my elderly dad and and his wife I got..... A diary.

Feel grabby moaning about it.I'd rather they just not bother buying me anything. This is after years of shit presents at Christmas. It was my mum who bought presents when she was alive, my dad has handed this task over to his wife who has probably got to the stage where she can't be bothered buying anything. She'll make a point of saying that my dad chose something for me when all she's probably done is hold two things up and say which one shall we give Mrswinkler.....

Yes, I miss my mum and yes, I don't have the best relationship with his wife and I'm sad my dad's health is deteriorating now so that in my contact with them it's her I have to deal with most of the time rather than my dad. I got £50 in a card from my ex's DM this year, she has hardly anything compared to my dad and his wife and I really appreciate her thinking of me, she's always bought thoughtful presents, but now prefers cash as she can't get out to shop. It's not about money though just about the thought (or lack of it) when selecting gifts.

I want to say just don't bother with presents in future. AIBU? I'd actually like to ask what she bought her own daughter (my age) bet it wasn't a lousy diary. She wasn't in when I rang to wish them happy Christmas, just spoke to my dad, so I'll have to say 'thanks' at some point. Do I make a point about how I feel or just leave it?

OP posts:
flippinada · 26/12/2015 14:13

I think you're right Bare.

Pixie what a horrible, horrible post. There was no need for that.

MamaLazarou · 26/12/2015 14:18

YABU, sorry! I get that you feel a bit sorry for yourself (understandable) but there's nothing wrong with the gift of a diary.

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2015 14:19

Op I'm sorry your father has been diagnosed with this awful disease, this must be really hard for you, especially at this time of year when Christmas memories come flooding back.

Some of the posts on this thread leave a nasty taste in my mouth and it has nothing to do with the diary, surely that is obvious

GwynethPaltrowIamNot · 26/12/2015 14:39

I agree with ivy this goes deeper

PixieChops · 26/12/2015 14:42

Maybe I was a bit harsh but I've lost someone who had dementia and they need help, not people bitching about being given a diary for Christmas.
I hope Bare is on to something.
I apologise for calling OP a cunt but seriously I feel she's being completely unreasonable and very selfish. I understand she misses her mum but was there any need to moan about her gift? Come next year her dad may not even know who the hell she is never mind what to get her for Christmas. If this was my late grandma id treasure that diary like my life depended on it

Winifredgoose · 26/12/2015 14:52

It is surely dependant on the context. The culture in my in laws family is to buy adults a token gift eg diary, socks, gloves etc. therefore I would not be disappointed if this is what I received. I fact, I look forward to a good quality pair of socks.

Even if this is not the culture with your step parent, it may be, understandably, that because your dad is ill she doesn't have the time/inclination.

The only context where you could feel rightfully upset(slightly), would be if you step mother went all out with extravagant/thoughtful gifts for everyone else in the family, then allowed her husband suffering with dementia, to select a diary for you.

Either way, I would certainly not point out your disappointment, this would be a greater crime than her giving you the diary in the first place.

lorelei9 · 26/12/2015 14:55

This is a joke, yes?

Perniciousness · 26/12/2015 14:59

The only context where you could feel rightfully upset(slightly), would be if you step mother went all out with extravagant/thoughtful gifts for everyone else in the family, then allowed her husband suffering with dementia, to select a diary for you

On the other hand, I think a lot of people would prefer a gift that was actually chosen by a loved one even if it is a bit of a crappy present. A diary isn't a bad gift at all, it was just the wrong gift for the OP.

StDogolphin · 26/12/2015 15:14

Its not really about the diary though is it, its about not feeling loved.

flippinada · 26/12/2015 15:15

I think OP can feel however she likes. She isn't complaining to her Dad and SM, she's having a moan on here.

She's acknowledged she's maybe being a bit UR and in no way does she deserve some of the awful comments on here.

Original poster
Mrswinkler · 26/12/2015 15:32

As hinted at, and as some posters have recognised yes, there is more to this than getting a diary as a present. I posted in AIBU as I realised I probably am on the surface. It's a deteriorating relationship with my dad's wife (stepmum sticks in my throat) and the only light I see at the end of the tunnel is my dad's death so I can finally cut ties with her which makes me incredibly sad.

I haven't spent xmas with him, his wife decided they were going to her son's, we weren't invited.

I posted mainly to see how to handle my feelings about the situation and can take from the posts above (nice and nasty) that I just have to rise above it.

And I'm sorry if I gave insulted diary givers and receivers! I get about 3 sent to me at work and I don't use any of them. The suggestion to keep it as a dad related project for next year is nice, thanks for that MartinRhodes

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/12/2015 15:48

Wow, some people muct have had a really crap Christmas to be so nasty about the OP

Quite clearly, this isn't about the monetary value of the gift, or the nature of the gift. It's about the feeling of not being loved and considered. Not being important to them. It doesn't take Freud to work that out

It sounds like a really sad situation all round OP and I hope that you can find a way to come to terms and peace with your relationship with your dad Thanks

lorelei9 · 26/12/2015 16:01

I'm a great one for plain speaking
I'm afraid this looks like a couple of other posts I've seen

with a title like this and content like this, at some level, it is about the gift.

ChewyGiraffe · 27/12/2015 01:14

Personally I could hardly care less what I get/don't get for Christmas, as I think its really for children to get excited/aerated about, isn't it?

But I was a little bit Hmm when I read - She wasn't in when I rang to wish them happy Christmas, just spoke to my dad. I hope you've managed to get to visit your dad at some point over the holidays? I'd be more worried about not seeing your dad/them than what they've bought you.

ChewyGiraffe · 27/12/2015 01:20

... and I should've said - I hope you find a way of re-building some closeness with your dad in 2016, even if it means just politely tolerating his wife, if you really don't like her.

Ludoole · 27/12/2015 02:50

I dont know how far down the vascular dementia road your df is. My dad has both vascular dementia and alzheimers and we havent seen him in a week. Doctors orders as he kicks off when we see him.... He was placed in a home 12 days before as my husband died and my dm wanted to be there for my children and me while in there he turned violent....
It will be hard on your stepmum, so disappointed as you may be, please try to look with a little understanding.
Until you have been living with this illness it can be difficult to understand how hard it is. Flowers

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