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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this crappy Christmas present?

66 replies

Mrswinkler · 26/12/2015 11:59

Another moany thread....

Ok, so from my elderly dad and and his wife I got..... A diary.

Feel grabby moaning about it.I'd rather they just not bother buying me anything. This is after years of shit presents at Christmas. It was my mum who bought presents when she was alive, my dad has handed this task over to his wife who has probably got to the stage where she can't be bothered buying anything. She'll make a point of saying that my dad chose something for me when all she's probably done is hold two things up and say which one shall we give Mrswinkler.....

Yes, I miss my mum and yes, I don't have the best relationship with his wife and I'm sad my dad's health is deteriorating now so that in my contact with them it's her I have to deal with most of the time rather than my dad. I got £50 in a card from my ex's DM this year, she has hardly anything compared to my dad and his wife and I really appreciate her thinking of me, she's always bought thoughtful presents, but now prefers cash as she can't get out to shop. It's not about money though just about the thought (or lack of it) when selecting gifts.

I want to say just don't bother with presents in future. AIBU? I'd actually like to ask what she bought her own daughter (my age) bet it wasn't a lousy diary. She wasn't in when I rang to wish them happy Christmas, just spoke to my dad, so I'll have to say 'thanks' at some point. Do I make a point about how I feel or just leave it?

OP posts:

MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff · 26/12/2015 12:50

Fill the diary with nice memories, pictures and quotes relating to your Dad and share it with him. Even if it's a week to two pages type you can be creative. One day you might be grateful for it

HeartShapedBox · 26/12/2015 12:56

Have I got déjà vu? I could swear I've read this op before

JessieMcJessie · 26/12/2015 12:59

I had no idea a diary was a shit present. I have given them in the past. Everyone needs one, some are v pretty and they can be quite expensive. Is it a particularly cheap and nasty one?

pudcat · 26/12/2015 12:59

Do you know how hard it is to look after someone with dementia? Depending on the severity of the disease they need someone with them all the time. Perhaps his wife was not able to get out to do much shopping. Did you offer to look after him while she got out to shop? Apologies if you live away. Be thankful you have a dad. Mine died when I was 6 and my mum died last year.

Sunbeam1112 · 26/12/2015 13:00

This thread is disagraceful you should feel ashamed of yourself op. Your poorly dad has vascular dementia and you can concern yourself with a diary! What if hes not here next year!

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2015 13:04

For goodness sake, not another one.

I'm disgusted with all these.

I only joined mn a year or so ago, and, in my life, I have never ever heard adults complain about presents.

Yabu.

LeNouedDeViperes · 26/12/2015 13:05

I do hope this is a piss-take.

SaucyJack · 26/12/2015 13:05

Some people only do shit token gifts for family, and that's just the way it is. If he didn't buy expensive/thoughtful presents when he was young and in good health it ain't gonna change now.

Sorry to hear he's ill.

mamaneedsamojito · 26/12/2015 13:08

What is wrong with people? These threads really make me despair. It was a present FFS. Accept it graciously and move on. Oh and grow up!

NoonAim · 26/12/2015 13:08

HeartShapedBox I had to check the dates as I thought the same as you

NerrSnerr · 26/12/2015 13:12

Wtf. He's just been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Get yourself on the Alzheimer's Society website and read up on vascular dementia and what is to come. They have so much more on their plate than searching for gifts to you. Have some fucking empathy.

Perniciousness · 26/12/2015 13:12

I can't think of anything else to say!

IWasHereBeforeTheHack · 26/12/2015 13:14

Don't worry, since your DF has vascular dementia you'll soon have more important things to worry about. EG, lack of support, lack of joined up care from the NHS, poor communication among care agencies, a care provider who doesn't answer their 24-hour number, incontinence followed by catheter care (and running out of socks/peed-on slippers/bedlinen), severe constipation requiring hospital admission (with a 5 hour wait for ambulance, 6 hour wait in hospital to be seen) with your DF on a 30-second loop of 'where am I?' 'why am I here?' 'how did I get here?' - actually, take your diary with you, you can write all your frustrations down in it!!! You'll also need it for the endless number of phone numbers you need as everything you need to organise requires speaking to 3 different organisations - and waiting for them to call you back when it's least convenient to you.

How prescient of your DF and his wife to give you a diary.

Have some

HeartShapedBox · 26/12/2015 13:19

NoonAim glad it's not just me!

puthyjip43 · 26/12/2015 13:21

I got my dad a diary for Xmas.. Hoping he's more grateful than you about his present!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 26/12/2015 13:23

Mrswinkler Sat 26-Dec-15 12:27:18
He's old, just diagnosed with vascular dementia now and presents not really top of his list, as it were...

And yet you are complaining about the shit Christmas present they got you? Really, what is wrong with you?

^^This. With baubles on.

And as for "appreciating the thought" of £50 from an ex MIL who "doesn't have much"? Really? I'd be embarrassed.

Obviously, as this is MN, I've no idea what kind of a person you are in RL but you are coming across as spoilt, childish and extremely self-centred here OP.

justkeepongoing · 26/12/2015 13:24

Both my mum and aunt have Vascular Dementia and to be honest, as long as they are as content as they can be, I'm not bothered about receiving any gifts or cards from them anymore. Incidentally I didn't, but I wouldn't make a fuss. Additionally as his carer it must be hard on your dad's wife too.

Quiero · 26/12/2015 13:29

FFS, I haven't had a present off my dad since I was 18. I think a diary is quite a nice present. People are so fucking selfish nowadays.

I blame Margaret Thatcher.

PixieChops · 26/12/2015 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

InTheBox · 26/12/2015 13:54

Pixie You could have said what you wanted to say without calling OP a 'cunt'. What purpose does that serve other than to just get your post deleted?

waitingforsomething · 26/12/2015 13:58

I got a diary off Dh. Was really pleased! Yabu

Ditsy4 · 26/12/2015 13:59

Treasure it as it might be the last gift he gives you! Sorry you're disappointed but you are being unreasonable. Spare a thought for all the people who have lost all the gifts they bought for Christmas as well as half/ all their home in the floods. If you really don't want it send it to someone in Cumbria I'm sure someone would appreciate it and hope next Christmas will be better for them than this Christmas. Our county is on Amber and red flood alert again! We're listening/ watching the weather. Some people have been flooded three times this month. Roads closed, bridges closed so detours everywhere,schools flooded, lost work for GCSE and A Level students. Suggest you have a think about others.
Think the suggestion to fill the diary with quotes, sayings, memories of your dad is a lovely idea. Remember you are lucky to still have him. I have haven't either parent. I'm grateful for every gift received.

Lndnmummy · 26/12/2015 14:05

I think diaries are perfect gifts. Dh gave me some inserts for my calendar and I was shuffed and thought it was very thoughtful.

Baressentials · 26/12/2015 14:07

I think all these threads where adults are moaning about presents aren't actually moaning about their presents. It is often the final straw in a fraught relationship. it is about something deeper and not the actual money spent on a gift.
Hope I am right or there are an awful lot of spoilt greedy adults out in the world

worriedmumred · 26/12/2015 14:08

The ops dad has a progressive disease with very poor outcome, who misses her dead mum and she's being called a cunt?????

Nasty bitch

She's feeling raw and she has said that she knows it's childish just let her move on and be done

And I'm sure she has an inkling of what's ahead even if she's not an expert on neurological conditions

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