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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about how DC was treated by store security?

90 replies

MothershipG · 26/12/2015 10:06

DD was stopped by store security in the mistaken but reasonable belief that she had taken something. They asked her friend to wait outside the store and 2 male security officers took DD, who is 13, to a private room where they asked her to empty her bags.

They behaved perfectly politely and respectfully at all times and when she was able to demonstrate that she hadn't taken anything, they apologised and sent her on her way.

Of course I have no problem with that but AIBU to think that it is not acceptable for 2 adult males to take a juvenile into a private room? I cannot emphasise enough that in this instance they behaved perfectly properly, but surely that is a set up massively open to abuse? Adults in a position of power with potentially vulnerable young people in a private room. And of course the converse situation of troubled youngsters seeing a way to get out of a shop lifting charge by making allegations.

Does anyone know what best practice is/should be in this short of situation?

OP posts:
WeThreeMythicalKings · 26/12/2015 10:08

I wouldn't be at all happy about that if they knew how old she was.

ChessieFL · 26/12/2015 10:09

There was probably CCTV in the room so I wouldn't think anything of this.

NapoleonsNose · 26/12/2015 10:12

I'm not one to complain, but I think in that situation, I would ring or go into the store and speak to the manager. I used to work in a shop, and if a female was selected for a staff search, another female HAD to be present and the person being searched was entitled to a representative to accompany them. Definitely make a complaint as that surely cannot be acceptable.

catfordbetty · 26/12/2015 10:12

A single adult male interviewing a 13 year old girl would have been much more concerning.

twirlypoo · 26/12/2015 10:13

I used to be a manager for debenhams and was often called into security meetings like this as a female presence. I don't know if other stores do it as routine but I would definitely broach it with them - be reasonable and lay it out as you have here. It's not something I would be comfortable with either!

MissFitt68 · 26/12/2015 10:13

You are over thinking it. Would you prefer it happened in full view of the public? How in your opinion should they do it then?

throwingpebbles · 26/12/2015 10:14

I agree, I think you should be asking some questions about this

KwickNC · 26/12/2015 10:14

They're supposed to have a female with them in circumstances like this

Egosumquisum · 26/12/2015 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 26/12/2015 10:16

I would have thought that it was very intimidating for her.

You know when you "beep" at airport security & they just take you to one side, why can't they do that?

I suppose she didn't have to go with them & I don't think that I would-I'd rather that they looked through my bags on the shop floor iyswim.

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2015 10:16

What do you think should have happened op?

I'm not sure that asking someone/anyone to go to a private room and empty their handbag is OK unless police are present?

I certainly wouldn't be happy if this happened to me and would want to know what my rights were.

Surely no one/anyone has to prove their innocents?

Luckystar1 · 26/12/2015 10:17

Sounds very silly to me. From both perspectives it's open to abuse, the security personnel should know better. I would flag it up to the store so that it doesn't happen again.

diddl · 26/12/2015 10:17

Also, asking her friend to wait outside.

Perhaps your daughter would have liked not to be alone?

JeanSeberg · 26/12/2015 10:19

What do you mean when you say it was a reasonable belief she'd taken something?

Original poster
MothershipG · 26/12/2015 10:19

No cctv in the room.

Surely they should check the age of the person they stop? Surely there should be a female present, or cctv in the room, to protect their own staff from false allegations, if nothing else?

These guys were honest and upstanding, but not all guards in the same position will necessarily be.

OP posts:
Egosumquisum · 26/12/2015 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinglebells99 · 26/12/2015 10:26

I would be furious if my 13 year old did was treated in that way.

Original poster
MothershipG · 26/12/2015 10:27

DD was walking around holding some false nails, she then decided she didn't want them and left them on a shelf, shortly after she put her phone in her pocket, so they thought she'd pocketed the nails. They explained all this to her so an honest mistake.

DD is a good girl so if an adult in a position of authority tells her to do something she complies. She was also hugely embarrassed. Obviously we have now gone through what to do if this ever happens again, starting with always using a basket!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 26/12/2015 10:28

Why was it reasonable to believe she'd stolen something??

MissFitt68 · 26/12/2015 10:29

It was over In What? 5 mins? Why prolong it faffing around calling in this person or that person, waiting for a 'female'.

Floggingmolly · 26/12/2015 10:29

X-post

Boomingmarvellous · 26/12/2015 10:30

I'd definitely be concerned. I would contact them and ask them to review their procedures. They have no legal entitlement to detain anyone, only the police can do that and they would ensure the presence of parents or a responsible female.

MissFitt68 · 26/12/2015 10:30

Left them 'on a shelf'.... Not back where they came from?

Egosumquisum · 26/12/2015 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Egosumquisum · 26/12/2015 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.