To think Dp has a cheek

[onedarkdecembermorning]

His birthday is tomorrow, he's been unemployed for 9 months so I've been working 2 jobs. Thing is he's barely tried to get a job.

So - he wants £60

WIBU to tell him to sod off?

cocklodger.

A very serious talk is needed here if there is any hope of this relationship doing anything but bringing you down OP. I don't expect I'm saying anything you don't already know. I don't want to join the pile in of LTB because people are prone to throwing that around as a stock response but you have to be prepared that it might come to a choice of either that or stay and be miserable.

Fwiw, I certainly would not be gifting money to an adult in those circumstances.

Whatever you do don't finance his lifestyle if he's not prepared to do whatever it takes to get a job and an income and you have to work two jobs.
Does he at least do the house work?

What do you think he'll spend the birthday money on? I'd simply take him for a nice meal and have that as the present.

Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker, it would be for me but I can't abide lazy partners who won't share all the burdens of living together.

What would you advise your future sons and daughters if this was them? Hopefully it would be to get rid and find somebody decent who didn't expect others to pay for them.

It is hard to get work. He's sort of got a job - through an agency but gets next to no shifts. When he does he WHINES about it.

No - it's NOT hard to get work - just hard to get the work you ideally want. Therefore, he could easily get a job cleaning toilets and floors, working behind a bar, working in a takeaway or as the delivery driver....the list goes on. He CHOOSES not to work more regular hours because he feels like he doesn't NEED to work jobs that are 'beneath' him - because he's got you well and truly under his thumb and you will provide everything and do everything FOR him....

......and you're showing him time and again that his freeloading, piss-taking behaviour is acceptable and that you want more of it.

You're working TWO jobs in order to provide for HIM and HIS contribution to the household...and he can't even be arsed to buy and change lightbulbs?! Even when on JSA i used to buy and fit my own from Poundland and they worked perfectly fine.

There comes a point where no matter how much we love the other person - we have to love ourself more. If YOU don't establish your boundaries and treat yourself with respect then why should anyone else? Why should he? Do YOU understand that you deserve to be treated better? Do YOU understand that you DON'T have to be the martyr who sacrifices everything - including her Self - to satisfy the needs and wants of another?

You say you have ignored previous advice of LTB...and you haven't done anything to change the dynamics of your relationship or done anything to establish your boundaries, your needs and desires and neither have you insisted on being treated fairly......so why keep posting for advice? Are you actually serious about getting advice and acting on it or did you just want to vent?

I was going to update but after reading that last post, on the whole, I think I've decided not to bother.

This guy is a cocklodger. Why don't you give yourself a lovely gift for his birthday and DTMFA?

The fact that you've been told by people in real life (going by your reply to Imperial) to leave this man is quite telling.

He hasn't been looking for suitable work - or accepting the ones he is suited to - and is happy for you to be doing all the work for him (two jobs for nine months...) also says a lot.

Yes he is being unreasonable, but about a whole lot more than a birthday present.

You always have the option to leave. It isn't always easy, but there is a way.

What do you expect people to say sweetheart?

He'll change he won't