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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He gave my present away!

34 replies

bumblebeerat · 25/12/2015 22:34

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but I was given a Christmas present by my new work colleagues of a little bottle of wine gift set (you know the ones with the glass and chocolates.) I was quite suprised as I have only been there a week. I don't drink at all but they don't know that and it's the thought that counts. So I brought it home showed dp and left it in the kitchen.

So today comes we go to his mum's and low and behold he's only wrapped it up and given it to his brothers gf. I haven't mentioned anything and probably won't because it's not really worth the hassle but aibu or is that pretty out of order even if I wouldn't drink it?

OP posts:
MontyYouTerribleCunt · 25/12/2015 22:36

YABU if you wouldn't drink it imo. That said he probably should've mentioned it before wrapping it up.

nocabbageinmyeye · 25/12/2015 22:39

Yanbu that is cheeky, it wasn't his to give away. Does he usually give the brothers gf a gift? I would ask him what he is going to buy you out of the money he saved on her present Grin

lougle · 25/12/2015 22:40

He should have asked....but it's better to be given away than to sit and gather dust.

Arfarfanarf · 25/12/2015 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PresidentUnderwood · 25/12/2015 22:40

It's a little presumptuous, but it's also a bit daft to be so upset about it.

ohtheholidays · 25/12/2015 22:44

Oh Monty really Hmm

No Bumble Yanbu but your OH has been an arse!You should say something to him,I can't imagine on what planet some one would think it was okay to take someone's Christmas present and re-gift it to someone else.

Iwanttokillthem · 25/12/2015 22:49

Since he didnt ask you first how did he know that you hadnt earmarked the gift for someone yourself?

Just rude and YANBU to be annoyed at his presumption. I would not be okay with this and would expect an apology at the very least.

DeltaZeta · 25/12/2015 22:50

He shouldn't have taken it without asking obviously.

RJnomore1 · 25/12/2015 22:50

Completely out of order it did not belong to him to give away. Are you sure it's your one and he hadn't bought a second? I know the sets you mean and they're nice but they are widely available.

If it's yours he's a tremendous arsehole.

Topseyt · 25/12/2015 22:52

It was NOT at all OK for him to do that. What a monumental cheek!

It had been a gift to you and therefore it was your choice what to do with it. He should have consulted you about the idea, but he did't and just went ahead anyway. To me that oversteps quite a lot of boundaries. What else might he decide to re-gift without telling you?

I would be telling him that it was not OK.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/12/2015 22:59

Not ok. Doesn't matter what the gift was, or if you would use it. Does he fail to respect boundaries in other ways OP?

CalleighDoodle · 25/12/2015 23:00

It wasnt ok. The fact he didnt feel the need to ask you, and the fact you dont want to mention it for fear if their being a fuss made, are the red flags here.

Dipankrispaneven · 25/12/2015 23:10

YANBU. There are no circumstances in which it is excusable for him not at least to have asked you. I really think you need to talk to him about it, if only to find out what his reasoning process was and to make sure he knows any repetition will not be acceptable.

NotMyRealName2015 · 25/12/2015 23:12

On the one hand it sounds like just what I would do if any of us had recieved a present from a non-close person that could easilly be re-gifted, however this sentance stands out to me:

I haven't mentioned anything and probably won't because it's not really worth the hassle

This reads as though you are scared or at least nervous around him. If this is the case i think you need to look at whether this is a good relationship for you.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 25/12/2015 23:12

What a twat! Please do mention it!

charlestonchaplin · 25/12/2015 23:12

I don't drink, but can make very good use of wine. In cooking, for instance. The gift also included a wine glass and chocolates. So comments about this being okay because the gift was no use to the OP are ridiculous. As someone else has mentioned, the gift could have been earmarked or even promised to someone else.

Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2015 23:13

YANBU, it is very rude to take someone's gift. You may have eaten the chocs and used the glass and GIVEN him the wine but you didn't expect him to take it. It's just rude of him. He owes you some chocs and a fancy glass!

RedSoloCup · 25/12/2015 23:16

I would be fine with it if DH asked, although he wraps pretty much nothing so that in itself would be a miracle lol ...

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/12/2015 23:17

"I haven't mentioned anything and probably won't because it's not really worth the hassle"
Totally the wrong approach. By doing that, you are effectively saying to him that he can do what he pleases with your possessions. Any of them, not just this particular one that you weren't likely to use (but might have wanted to give to someone of your own choosing).

And that's before I focus on the word 'hassle'. Why would you expect hassle? I would expect an apology. You need to think about why you would epect hassle.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 25/12/2015 23:59

DP owes you a present.

As pp say, you might have earmarked it for regifting yourself, or have used the glass and chocolate. Taking it without asking was cheeky.

The way I see it, thanks to him, you are now short one present - even though it wasn't your ideal gift - therefore it's up to him to replace it.

I would put this to him in a humorous way and bustle him into it, if it were my dp. Like "Great! I see you have saved yourself £x by half inching my work gift, therefore OF COURSE, and because I am so kind to not stove your head in with the turkey pan for the theft, you will be replacing it with something of twice its value ALL FOR ME. Merry Christmas! Love you!"

Have the turkey pan to hand. Just in case. Xmas Wink

BackforGood · 26/12/2015 00:21

YABU
Of course its not worth getting worked up about.
Yes, he should have mentioned it, but you weren't going to use it and he had a sudden last minute panic about a present he hadn't got.
Some people on MN have to make everything into a drama Hmm

charlestonchaplin · 26/12/2015 00:47

And he couldn't even mention to his wife that in a 'sudden last minute panic' he appropriated her gift? He couldn't do her the courtesy of asking or even just informing her of what he'd done and why he felt he needed to do it without asking? He had time, read the OP. However you try to spin it, this is a man who is at best highly presumptuous, though other comments in the post make one wonder if there is more to it than that.

UkmmTheSecond · 26/12/2015 01:23

Not ok.

I don't drink either but wouldn't be happy if dh took a gift that was given to me to give to someone else without asking. What if you'd planned to give to someone else?

Same if dh recieved a gift I know he wouldn't use/didn't like. He was once given some wine actually, he asked me if I knew anyone who'd like it and gave it to me to pass on. I'd wouldn't just take it and give to my mum without his knowledge.

I'd say something like "dp, you prob just thought as I don't drink then my gift would sit gathering dust but please ask next time before you give my gifts away as I was going to give/donate my wine to ......"

Why would it be a hassle? It should be a "oh sorry, I didn't realise, won't do it again, sorry" if he gets angry with you for not being happy he took your gift then there's bigger problems imo.

TheMaddHugger · 26/12/2015 02:10

((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) for you OP YANBU

Feeling Murderous towards your Soon to be sorry Idiot (Husband)

differentnameforthis · 26/12/2015 03:12

He should have checked first...no if buts and maybes...

It wasn't his to give away.