DGM not giving brother present. ISBU?

[PiperChapstick]

My 88yo granny is ill with terminal cancer. She is receiving care at home and my DM and aunties & uncles have been taking it in turns to go every day and be with her. She has not taken her illness well (understandably) and has been somewhat grumpy and difficult, and quite verbally abusive with her children when they help her - even her carers have been changed numerous times as she's upset so many (this info is relevant to story I'm not just slagging her off!)

Anyway she told DM that she's giving all her grandchildren (and she has many) £100 for Xmas when we see her on Boxing Day - but only to those who have visited her recently.

So me and DSis will get money as we go often but not our DBrother. Granny has confirmed this as she doesn't see why she should reward people who don't bother with her

DBrother is a lazy shit and there's no real excuse for him not visiting and taking his little girl. But a punishment seems really harsh. He could do with that money, he only has temporary work now and again and is desperate for a holiday in the summer.

Is granny BU? Should I keep my beak out? I'm dreading tomorrow when we'll all be there and he gets no money (she is the type to say "you're getting nothing because you haven't bothered with me").

And WIBU to see if DSis would like to give him a third of her money to DB and I'll do the same so we all get equal amounts?

We're all in our thirties BTW just in case anyone was wondering is DB was v young!

This has really irked me, as my dad died of Cancer and so did my granny. Even though she was difficult, I made time out of my day to visit her, even though I lived 50 miles away. She was in a lot of pain at the end, when I visited her in hospital before she died, I heard her screaming down the corridor before I even reached her ward , the nurses were trying to move her, to put a bed pan under. I am disgusted at those on here, who have described this poor woman as being manipulative and abusive. Yes if she was not in the situation she was in, and in good health, but she is not!

She is dying.
He is not working and so has lots of free time.
He does not use that free time to visit her.
SINBU.
And you said he is lazy.

Your DB's financial situation isn't your granny's problem. She isn't obligated to give him money. Why shouldn't she focus on the family who actually make the effort to be there for her? Her behaviour may be difficult but she is dying so she will be scared and in pain. Please do stay out of it. It would be awful to upset your granny at the end of her life and potentially miss out on precious time with her for what? So your brother can have a holiday? If it bothers him that much he can talk to her about it himself, which he probably won't because that would involve going to see her, having a conversation with her and dealing with the fact that he has hurt her feelings. He is in his 30s and you even say he is just lazy so there is no excuse for his immaturity. He doesn't need you to get involved and fight his battles.

If your brother is lazy and chooses not to bother then Granny is entirely within her rights to decide not to bother with him either.

If he genuinely has reasons he can't go then it different, but if he's just lazy then why should Granny bother with him if he can't be bothered with her?

We've had several family members who passed away after suffering horribly before they died and they spent the last few months/weeks in care homes and hospices. I have visited them all in the last weeks, but not always in the previous months. This does not mean I loved them any less.

There's been dramas over everything: relatives living hours away and getting it in the neck, from those living closer, for not visiting more, including pointed comments to me personally about not driving down with 3 under five's to then hand over the youngest to someone who spewed vitriol and pinched.
There's peoples strong opinions on what was bequeathed to themselves and others (some a little more than others, some much more, some who got nothing).

With one relative, my step-sibling was bequeathed more than me, so were their children.
The sentimentally (not financially) precious jewellery that they'd always said would pass to me for almost 30 years was not.

Now, I'm not a petty person at all, but I truly believe they punished me for not visiting as much during their last year. I

It was well known that this was due to me being very unwell at the end of my pregnancy (a clot in my brain,) the PND and PTSD which crippled me emotionally afterwards and the dire financial issues we had.
It's hard for me to reconcile what happened, but nothing will change what's been done.

Everyone's got their views on how much involvement family members have to have in order to be 'worthy' for lack of a better term to be bequeathed something. Obviously those who are ill and dying can have very strong opinions on who their money and possessions go to and it's often how they feel in the moment that they say and make decisions, not considering/remembering the whole picture or the past.

She sounds very wise. He doesn't work and still can't find the time to visit.

Can't feel sorry for somebody not having a holiday or cash gifts when they actively don't work and expect others to pick up the slack.

DBrother is a lazy shit and there's no real excuse for him not visiting and taking his little girl. But a punishment seems really harsh. He could do with that money, he only has temporary work now and again and is desperate for a holiday in the summer.

Here's 2 questions for you, Why the f*ck does he NEED a holiday when he's too lazy to get a job and If he NEEDs a holiday then get a job.

If you where my sister and asked me to give any money to my lazy brother I'd be telling you where go.

So no your DGM is not being unreasonable.