to be pissed off *again* about my Christmas presents?

[WitchWay]

We have just had a big boozy blowout roast dinner, in advance of DH's working on-call all Christmas. He & DS have been skiing for a week & returned this lunchtime. He has been twittering on about having to wrap my presents but he wanted to watch Top Gear (repeats) first & oh dear me now you're saying it's dinnertime (making it my fault, clearly), & now he's dozing as quite pissed.

I'm going to get things shoved into recycled gift bags again aren't I?

He buys lovely presents mostly, but the lack of organisation about actually making them into gifts that can be given to me pisses me off. He never wraps anything till Christmas Eve at the earliest - one year we went to my DPs & he was wrapping my stuff on Christmas morning, about ten minutes before we exchanged presents.

And I've had to do all the bloody washing up as per bloody usual.

I always receive lovely presents... I take great care to choose myself just what I want .

I call it 'being helpful'

bigkids but that is not what the OP is complaining about!

The OP writes:

He buys lovely presents mostly, but the lack of organisation about actually making them into gifts that can be given to me pisses me off. He never wraps anything till Christmas Eve at the earliest

She is complaining solely about the sodding wrapping paper, as - gasp - her lovely present might be presented in a recycled gift bag, and not wrapped 3 weeks in advance [santa]

And I've had to do all the bloody washing up as per bloody usual

Then don't do it. I don't understand this sort of martyrdom.

Yes you are being unreasonable and what on earth is wrong with recycling gift bags? Most of them are very pretty and useful it's a waste not to.

PLease will all the women who get nothing from their partners year after year a) stop buying for them, and b) tell them very clearly how thoughtless and selfish they are being? There have been so many posts about it on here. I am that men are just getting away with thinking they get presents as a right but don't have to bother for their other halves.

I tried that one year, Tendon - I really did. I just couldn't do it. I left it right up until Christmas Eve and then caved. It doesn't help that I still do stockings for us both as well as the boys, so it would look most odd if DH had nothing in his (although after reading about putting potatoes in rather than coal, I might at least half fill his with spuds next year!). But mostly it was because I couldn't quite deal with DS1's disappointment if DH didn't have anything to open.

Thumb why would your DS1 be disappointed if your H has nothing to open but not if you didn't?

Can you not talk about it and reach a sensible agreement - perhaps that if it is, after all, about your kids seeing you receive gifts then you take the gifts to each other budget and buy you each a gift both things you want

I think gift giving must be one of the biggies, like do we want kids/ 1 kid/ 2 kids/ lots of kids? Where do we stand on religion and if not the same what is our compromise on how to raise the kids (if we are having them)? Do we believe in private education? Do we want to live in a city or the countryside? Are we mobile for work or do we have to live within spitting distance of our families? If its a realistic financial choice where do we both stand on whether we want one of us to be a stay at home parent? Dogs or cats or both or neither?

Both parties need to be on the same page about gift giving before you set up house and start a family. If one partner is ambivalent or anti gift giving and the other sees enormous significance and importance in gift giving some kind of mutual compromise would surely normally be reached quite early in a relationship, rather than this festering and becoming a poisonous swelling source of secret resentment as they years go buy and the mortgage is taken out and the kids arrive...

If one partner expects to receive a generous gift but not to have to buy one this seems like a reflection of the relationship issue, but if one sets huge store in the significance of gift giving and the other believes its all a massive and pointless waste of time and resources you need to talk to reach an agreement on how to both be not totally irritating on "gift giving holidays"...

It was a general comment about the whole thread.

It doesn't help that I still do stockings for us both as well as the boys, so it would look most odd if DH had nothing in his

But why do this ? And how old are your children?

I have to say the whole stockings for anyone who isn't under 5 is a complete mystery to me.

I can't help feeling a bit pissed off, this year. The only things I got were cheap things I was organised enough to put the money aside and buy myself - the smallest box of handmade chocolates from a farm shop I go rarely, and some sample fountain pen inks (because I could afford big sized bottles but these have been my object of desire for weeks). And I'd be happy with that if it wasn't just this awful feeling of coming last every time.

Today, Boxing Day, they have all gone to see Star Wars whilst I dog-sit.

My husband had a few presents as he kept buying himself small things - this past few weeks. No attempt to buy me anything and I ended up having to get the kids' stocking presents. He was going to make me something, he said. He didn't have time. TBH he had plenty of time when home in the evenings to do his hobbies.

I have worked so hard to make xmas happen at all this year - buying the food bit by bit, weeks ago, and going without other things to do it plus the superhuman (for us) effort of putting aside cash for my younger kids. If I'd not been organised - and held the fort looking after the kids alone all weekend as well as all week, for the past month due to my husband's job (which involves extra hours at xmas with no extra pay and a stint or two of working 7 or 10 days straight) - xmas would simply not have happened at all, this year. Also been coping alone with a badly hormonal 15 year old loudly wishing I'd die, constantly, whilst husband has been in the other room happily enjoying his presents.

Just a vent and a rant. It's been one of the shitter christmasses ever.

Thing is my husband wasn't always crap and in over thirty years has never got me nothing even when we were unemployed years ago. He doesn't seem to give a shit, either.

Proposal:

Christrmas actually causes more misery, division, bitterness, stress and financial hardship than it brings joy and should be cancelled as a secular/ gift giving holiday.

Discuss.

I prefer to think of Christmas as a litmus test that brings out either the underlying tendencies people have, or shows up the new unpleasant tendencies they're developing.

I wish I'd bought myself a present. Then I would have remembered to bring it to DDad's with me along with DS and DH's presents (I've finished glaring at DH about it, but had to rant. He had 1 present to remember to bring FFS).

Well DH waited until until the paper-throwing-fest was complete on christmas morning, grabbed the discarded wrapping paper from the boys presents, said 'I'm just popping to the car' and returned with my present.
He hadn't bothered adding any sellotape, so it was just loosley wrapped in crumpled paper.
However, whilst it came in a shit package, he'd obviously seen something he thought I'd like, and I was really pleased with what he got me.

CallMeExhausted, I'm so sorry. :(

This year MIL wrapped all our presents in wrapping paper I used 3 years ago to wrap hers in!

Lass - one of them is under 5, and the other one still believes in FC, so not unreasonable, I feel. And Ds1 is a sharing sort, so he likes that we get them too.
DS1 made sure I got a present this year by buying me one himself (or rather, choosing it for me in secret and, with the help of the shop girls, getting it put on my bill and bagged separately for him to carry - they thought he was rather cute).

I feel really sad for some people on this thread. Were your partners always like this? My ex was terrible, always gave me money
My partner now is brilliant with gifts, much better than me. Always wrapped a couple of weeks before Christmas, always hidden. Does his whole family, his children all by himself and I'm always really touched by how thoughtful he is. He even buys for my parents and my kids. Sounds like he's in the minority.
Merry Christmas to all you, go and treat yourselves