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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I just want a peaceful Christmas Eve

72 replies

doitanyways · 24/12/2015 17:36

And instead have a relative who wants to kill themselves.

I know they can't help it but god it's exhausting.

OP posts:

flippinada · 24/12/2015 20:34

doit can you tell us a bit about what support you and your relative have? I completely get where you're coming from. Of course you care, it's just difficult, I know, and I think carers get forgotten about. This time of year brings up all sorts of feelings as well and can cause extra pressure on folk.

Original poster

doitanyways · 24/12/2015 20:35

That's easy - none. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.

OP posts:

ConfusedInBath · 24/12/2015 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoConfused15 · 24/12/2015 20:36

I really really feel for you OP. I was in your place last year, my DS 1 was suicidal and in a psychiatric unit. It was the worst thing that I have ever ever had to go through. It is unremittingly shit in every waking hour of the day. Getting up on Xmas morning with his bed not slept in was one of the hardest parts. I feel for you.

flippinada · 24/12/2015 20:36

I think that might be a typo doit, I don't think wannabe meant you were selfish.

CreepingDogFart · 24/12/2015 20:40

It is exhausting emotionally and I think your initial post did not get that across hence the harsh replies.

I think people need to realise that you can't always get across how emotionally exhausted or numb you are...due to being exhausted. The matter-of-fact approach is because you can't ever relax. Always got something else to do and sort out and plan for and prepare for and no time to wallow in it as it were.

You need a good rest and you need to pour yourself a drink now at home and spend some time not looking at your phone. You can't monitor someone all the time and you need a rest too. If you have a concern that requires immediate action, call the emergent services.

flippinada · 24/12/2015 20:41

I thought that might be the case, sadly. I'm not surprised you are feeling exhausted and worn out.

Does your relative have a formal diagnosis? If not they need to get one Apologies if Im telling you something you already know - this could open up support for both of you (again, I appreciate you may already have tried this).

Supermanspants · 24/12/2015 20:41

Confused
Do not assume anything.
I am not picking on you. . . I have called you out on your rather unpleasant post and suggested this is not the place.

Lostthefairytale · 24/12/2015 20:41

I'm sorry doitanyways. There's a lot of support for you above, just taking people a bit of time to catch up on posts. I'm really sad that you may have been made to feel that it is not ok to feel how you feel. It's a really common feeling for carers. Is there any carers groups near you that you could yet involved in, just to get some support for yourself.

flippinada · 24/12/2015 20:42

It might help if you can talk a bit about what's going on with your relative - just if you want to though.

Original poster

doitanyways · 24/12/2015 20:43

Thanks. There's absolutely nothing useful anyone can say or do, unfortunately, due to the fact he won't engage or help himself even a tiny bit, so - here we are.

Thanks for the kind posts but I think I will hide the thread now. It has upset some (which wasn't my intention) and I will get by, I will be fine, other seem to need support more. Thank you those who weren't harsh merry Christmas!

OP posts:

Supermanspants · 24/12/2015 20:44

OP. . . I was in a very similar position to you a few years back. The person concerned kept trying to escape from the house and on the occasion he did I had to call the police to try and find him. The support available was laughable. Everyday was an ordeal.

flippinada · 24/12/2015 20:48

I'm really sorry to hear that. I know your relative is suffering but that's just not fair on you. It might be worth looking at carers support group - I know of some through my work, if you're in Scotland?

If not, I know there are carers support groups elsewhere in the UK, and hopefully someone else could advise?

nippiesweetie · 24/12/2015 20:50

doitanyways Wishing you all the strength you need. Is there someone to care for you?

Just a thought, it's possible that wannabe meant selflessness and her phone let her down. You certainly seem selfless to me. Being a carer doesn't mean you have to be a saint all the time. Give yourself credit for being there for your relative when others are not.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 24/12/2015 20:54

I'm sorry you've gotten such a rough time here!

I know many people will probably disagree with me, but there are some times, when you're dealing with someone who refuses to help himself, that you are justified in walking away.

wannabestressfree · 24/12/2015 20:56

No not at all am sorry.....
I meant caring for someone like this so selfish on their part actually. I have done it. Am sorry if I upset you.

wannabestressfree · 24/12/2015 20:57

I meant selflessness in the post.... Bloody phone

gamerchick · 24/12/2015 21:11

I hear you OP and it's quite heartening in a way to see the harsh responses because it mans those people have never seen the utter hell of prolonged caring for extreme mental health in a family member. To have their siblings so exhausted that they wish they hadn't survived the first suicide attempt after the 107th in 3 years.

It grinds you down, you're just waiting for that knock on the door basically. But people don't have sympathy for the carers, they have to be seen having utmost sympathy for those with mental health problems and woe betide anyone who complains about the caring part.

Mental health issues is hell for those suffering but it's also satans anus for those doing the slog.

weebarra · 24/12/2015 21:42

flippinada - I don't mean to hijack the thread but my family and I could really do with some support, my DSis has anxiety, depression and BPD. They're in Glasgow so if you know of any support that would be great.
OP, hang in there. I'm the big sister and have had to support through numerous suicide attempts and hospitalisation. I know she can't help it, but it truly is exhausting.

flippinada · 24/12/2015 22:36

weebarra have you been in touch with Glasgow Association for Mental Health (GAMH)? I've heard good things about them - they have a helpful website online with loads of useful information - I know they do quite a bit of carer specific work.

The Mental Welfare Commission, if you haven't already heard of them are good for practical/legal advice. Again, they have a really helpful website with loads of info, a helpline etc.

These are just off the top of my head - I hope this is helpful to you.

Sansoora · 26/12/2015 03:23

If anyone is allowed to be offended by a thread like this it's me.

No, your role in this thread was to hope for a good outcome for the OP's loved one, for that persons sake , and for their family.

The OP appears to have spent a long time as a carer and her situation, judging from a comment you made a few posts back, is different to yours. Were you ever your sons carer? Or was it as you said, his heartbreaking death was unexpected? Because there is a difference you know in how a person would be feeling in the time leading up to a loved one trying to commit suicide. The OP is exhausted.

Sansoora · 26/12/2015 03:27

Special needs possibly but SN teens and young adults gets VERY few responses. So I'll post here, if you don't mind.

Now that some of us know you're looking for support relevant to SN teens and young adults Im sure we wouldn't mind nipping over to that board if you wanted to post there as well.

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