To think I just want a peaceful Christmas Eve

[doitanyways]

And instead have a relative who wants to kill themselves.

I know they can't help it but god it's exhausting.

The fact of the matter is I have lost my mum.

If she was dead I would have had the opportunity to mourn for her, family/friends to comfort me, and in time I could come to terms with it- but instead I am now caring for a zombie with no support/sympathy what so ever!!!

doitanyways Ignore the negative/nasty replies!!! You vent as much as you like!

I was there this time last year. We had a real fear for my DS2. But he managed (with help and meds) to get beyond the nightmare and is doing much better. This year he's looking forward to returning to work and I'm seeing joy for the future in his eyes.

My prayers are with you and I hope your loved one gets the help that he or she needs to get through this.

Sorry to be harsh Confused but the OP is allowed to feel whatever they like, regardless of your experiences. Why are you allowed to be "twitchy" but the OP not allowed to have their feelings? We all experience hurt and pain in different ways. I think in a situation like this if you feel unable to offer support due to your own experiences it might be better to stay away.

Poor OP......I sincerely mean that. There are many people who just like to point and judge and make comments......

You should be allowed to come on MN and rant and say what you feel without the negativity.

I don't blame you for feeling cross.....

Confused you have completely missed the point of the OP. Don't hijack the thread by trying to make people feel shit for feeling what they do. The OP is allowed to feel what she is feeling

People feel what they feel and to be honest, I'm glad the OP has found somewhere like this to vent a bit and find some supportive people. Nothing she has said is devaluing your own situation confused.

Confused This thread is not the place to vent.... can you not see that?

That's so sad Confused. My sympathies to you as well

Confused, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how that feels .

At the same time, I think it's ok to acknowledge that being a carer for someone with mental issues has its own challenges. Many people who do this can end up with MHI themselves due to the pressure - I'm sure OP didn't mean to upset anyone.

doit what support do you and your relative have in place. Do you have any respite?

My point wasn't that you aren't allowed to be, my point your feelings are not more valid than the OPs. I have every sympathy for you but this thread is not about you, it's about the OP. I hope you can find some peace tonight.

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this and sorry for your poor relative too, of course.

You've gotten some very harsh responses and I do not agree that you've come across as cold or unfeeling. No matter how much you love someone, it IS utterly exhausting worrying about them all the time, trying to analyse their behaviour and predict their moods, witnessing their distress and absorbing all those overwhelming emotions but not having a clue what to do to make it stop.

There is such a thing as 'compassion fatigue' and it's normal when caring for someone with a serious mental health issue (and I imagine, physical illness too) to have moments where you think, not just 'why them' but 'why me?'
Just because part of you wants a nice, peaceful Christmas Eve that doesn't mean that you don't care. It doesn't mean that you don't want to take responsability for your loved one. It just means that you wish things were different.

Is your relative in touch with the local mental health Crisis Team? If they are having persistent suicidal thoughts then they may need their support. Apologies if i'm telling you something you already know but if things deteriorate to the point that you feel your relative's risk to themselves is unmanageable at home and that they are at immediate risk of significant harm, they should be taken to the nearest A&E department for assessment.

I've been there OP. and of course its awful for the ill person, but its also just as exhausting and sad and scary for the family. I often wished my mother would just...not be there, just for a little while. So I could have a life. So I could spend Xmas with my children without thinking in the back of my head that she might do something stupid because I wasn't there. Its truely awful.

I hope the OP reads this and sees that not all responses were unsympathetic

Then hide the thread Confused. You are looking to find offence.

Confused, I'm so sorry you lost your son. I wouldn't presume to know how you're feeling. A school friend of mine had a brother take his life this year, and my heart goes out to him, his parents and sister and his friends.

This isn't quite the same because it's a situation that's been going on for years, and years, and it's like I'm the metaphorical dump. Everything gets chucked onto me, my door, and left there and where do I put it, then? So Mumsnet helps me there.

Plus I have to go about and try to live my life, I have just been at work for 2 hours in the midst of texts saying how awful he feels and of course I feel so bad for him and so guilty too.

If you're all wondering why didn't I say this in my op - because I was just too upset.

Sparkling, I don't think there's anywhere appropriate for such a thread. Relationships would tell me to go non contact, chat is well, too happy, mental health isn't appropriate because it isn't my mental health. Special needs possibly but SN teens and young adults gets VERY few responses. So I'll post here, if you don't mind.

Please its Christmas eve ladies......
Confused my hearts goes out to you.
I also understand the sheer selfishness of caring for someone with severe mental health problems. Its consuming....

I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how difficult it must be, especially at this time of year Confused. I honestly don't think the OP posted intending to be callous or cause hurt though. It was just an expression of frustration - carers aren't saints and we don't know what she (or he) has been through.

Well, clearly Confused needs this thread more than I do, so I hope all have a merry Christmas.

I only said that because this is where you would get the harshest replies OP. I would not post anything serious in AIBU.

wannabe, you think I am selfish, do you?

I don't think I can even begin to dignify this with a response. I could talk you through a typical day or week or month but clearly one rant driven by tiredness makes me a selfish person.

Saint I am not and I didn't sign up for this role.