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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends not to bring their sick child on Boxing Day?

64 replies

Genx77 · 24/12/2015 12:27

I need help rather urgently!
I have a boxing day gathering at our house every year for friends, everyone brings their children and we all have a great time.
However my friends son started with chicken pox on Monday, she tells me today she is still bringing him on Boxing Day. My son (3) has never had it. Will her child stil be contagious by Saturday?
I know my son will get it eventually but an added complication is that we are going on holiday in January and if he catches it we won't be able to go!
AIBU unreasonable or precious to ask her not to come? If not how the hell do I word it without sounding bloody awful?

OP posts:
shutupandshop · 24/12/2015 12:28

Yanbu at all.

Enjolrass · 24/12/2015 12:29

It depends on what stage the spots are at.

Ds has them and within a week you couldn't tell he had had them. The nursery were shocked he had no lingering ones when we took him back.
I don't think Yabu though.

Flyonthewindscreen · 24/12/2015 12:30

YANBU at all to ask friend not to come. I can't believe she is planning to. Just explain about your holiday having to be cancelled if your DS has chickenpox.

Hurr1cane · 24/12/2015 12:31

YANBU at all. It's not just your DS but everyone else there

MatildaTheCat · 24/12/2015 12:32

YANBU at all. There could be women in the early stages of pregnancy there as well as your ds to consider. Be totally clear that it's a no.

Branleuse · 24/12/2015 12:38

yanbu, particularly because of the holiday. If it wasnt for that id suggest you considering just getting the CP over and done with if youre not planning on vaccinating against it, otherwise its just a constant "when will they get it" every time you book a holiday in future

passmethewineplease · 24/12/2015 12:39

YANBU.

Hissy · 24/12/2015 12:40

no. she can't come, or bring him to the party.

i know she won't like that, but it's not her decision. You will have to turn her away if she does come.

She doesn't have to let it get to that point

thelaundryfairy · 24/12/2015 12:44

Pre-empt and say, "sorry you can't come to the party, we'll have to organise a nice treat for the boys in January when [her son's name] is better."

MrFMercury · 24/12/2015 12:44

Why do people assume it's OK to bring out a potentially contagious child? My own kids had to miss our wedding reception (separate from the wedding, long story) because they came down with chicken pox a few days before and we had other young kids, pregnant women and immunosuppressed friends coming.

OhJustGetOnWithIt · 24/12/2015 12:44

Don't ask her, tell her. Make it very clear that they can't come.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/12/2015 12:46

Tell them explicitly that they can't bring their infectious child (assuming he still is) to your party as it could cost you your holiday, and you're quite sure they don't want to be responsible for that, do they.

OurBlanche · 24/12/2015 12:48

^^ what they all said.

If she argues, or turns up anyway, just tell her she is being rude, selfish and incredibly irresponsible.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 24/12/2015 12:49

My youngest is poxy at the moment. We were supposed to visit a friend yesterday but I gave her the heads up on Monday (discovery) and she rang and asked if we could meet in the NY as her youngest hasn't had it.

FWIW youngest is still blistering the odd one but not all stabbed over. I think they might all be scabbed by Boxing Day but would rather play it by ear. Your friend should be doing the same.

Could you call her to discuss?

OurBlanche · 24/12/2015 12:50

Sorry, from NHS

it is infectious from about two days before the rash appears, children often go to nursery or school when they have it and outbreaks are not uncommon. It is infectious until all the blisters have formed scabs (usually about seven days).

So he will still be infectious.

Fugghetaboutit · 24/12/2015 12:51

Tell her sorry please don't bring ds because I really don't want my children getting ill over the holidays.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 24/12/2015 12:52

Postscript - meant to say this outbreak seems mild which is why I'm playing it by ear for Christmas. The eldest was riddled and we were in the house for nearly 2 weeks. Meh - we've food in, movies, craft and come tomorrow, new toys. We're not going to die of boredom or hunger

DangerMouth · 24/12/2015 12:54

How rude of her! She's got a sick dc and she thinks she can bring him? I would be telling her no. CP can be serious, l don't understand anyone who thinks it's ok to willingly infect others with it.

Jibberjabberjooo · 24/12/2015 12:54

Why on earth would she even consider bringing them?? Of course you should tell her no.

eleven59 · 24/12/2015 12:56

Who would assume its ok to take a child with chicken pox to a party? Ridiculous.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf · 24/12/2015 13:02

No, that's not fair on everyone else that is there. Tell her you'll sort something during the new year, or even next week if he's all scabbed up. Incredibly rude of her to presume it's fine.

ButtonMoon88 · 24/12/2015 13:03

Did your Ds see her Ds before spots appeared? If so your Ds may already be coming down with it!

Goingtobeawesome · 24/12/2015 13:10

Is there anyone coming who may be pregnant secretly? If so, she really can not come but tbh you not wanting your child to have it yet is enough of a reason. If you think she will try to bully you then you should text her. Don't give in when if she turns up anyway. Not you that's making her kids upset...

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/12/2015 13:15

He shouldn't come unless all blisters have scabbed over. Which is actually possible by Saturday. But not definite.

ottothedog · 24/12/2015 13:15

Yanbu at all but if she didnt ask, you are going to have to be firm about it