to think children and older people come first and second at Christmas...

[manicinsomniac]

... and that healthy, young and middle aged adults really need to just work around those family members that fit into the first two groups?

I hear a lot about Christmas being hard work, a lot of pressure, too much effort, anxiety inducing etc and a lot about not wanting elderly relatives in the house or not wanting children out of the house.

But my perspective is that yes, it can be very stressful and a lot of work and it can seem like a whole lot more effort than it's worth but that, as long as the children and the elderly in my family, feel happy and surrounded by those who love them then it doesn't really matter about the rest of us. We've had our turn as children and, with luck, we'll have it again as the older generation of the family.

Personally, I dislike Christmas (my Dad died at Christmas time a long time ago). I would like to have a quiet time with my 3 children (their Dads aren't in the picture at all). But, for my mum, spending time with my Dad's extended family (huuuuge!) makes her feel like he is still here. It makes me feel the hole where he should be even more acutely. But my feelings must come second to hers and I get that. I can't even contemplate not putting her, my grandparents, my children and the other family children before the wishes of the adults.

AIBU?

[NotMeNotYouNotAnyone]

I wouldn't set "elderly" at 60! But certainly those who are no longer able to do as much for themselves or aren't able to travel due to health issues, should be a priority. So my grandparents in their 80s (gdad has dementia, both have health issues) yes. My parents in their early 60s, working and in good health. No not really.

Obviously I'm not saying I'm horrible to everyone! But I wouldn't make myself miserable to make my healthy, working parents happy for one day of the year. Not that they'd expect me to btw.

Christmas is going to mean compromise if you have lots of people wanting their way, but generally that should be everyone gets a little of their way and gives a little up.