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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Isn't this bloody cheeky?

43 replies

madmomma · 22/12/2015 13:30

Ds age 5 has a best buddy at school who is quite out of control. Not malicious but extremely lively with a huge attraction to danger. He's come round quite a few times and has been extremely hard work. His mum works and has no family nearby, his dad is unwilling to look after him as he's such hard work, plus he sees looking after him as his wife's job Hmm. I'm friendly with the mun

OP posts:
FairyFluffbum · 22/12/2015 13:31

Well yes it is but you are letting him be cheeky by accepting the child.

TheSecondViola · 22/12/2015 13:34

/you didn't specify what you think is cheeky.

BackInTheRealWorld · 22/12/2015 13:36

What's cheeky?

HighwayDragon1 · 22/12/2015 13:37

Have you missed off some of your op?

If you don't want him, say no!

Original poster
madmomma · 22/12/2015 13:37

Whoops sorry, I'm friendly with the mum, but not proper friends IYSWIM. She has several times asked if her boy can come and play at ours, and rarely takes ds. She asks if her son can come to ours while the boys are standing there, so kind of trying to back me into a corner. So anyway, yesterday she sends this text: "hi, george keeps talking about ds and would love to come and play. Will you be able to have him over to play in the Xmas hols?" AIBU to think that she's a cheeky cow and if she wants to have the boys play together she should be doing the inviting rather than asking me to have her son?! I have 3 kids of my own and if I wanted the chaos of another overexcited child in the house I'd invite him myself wouldn't I? I've had her son the last time there was a playdate, so it's not even like it's my turn!

OP posts:
Original poster
madmomma · 22/12/2015 13:38

Sorry for split-post, my finger slipped. If I say no, how do I word it?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/12/2015 13:39

Tell her no, you're busy with your own kids and can't offer a day to have him.

After that ignore any calls or text messages.

Dipankrispaneven · 22/12/2015 13:39

Text back saying "Sorry, it would be difficult these hols, in fact I was about to ask if ds could go over to yours to play one day next week".

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/12/2015 13:40

Tell her the truth; he's very excitable, hard to manage and you find him hard work.

You've said you're not that lose to her so there's nothing to lose.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/12/2015 13:40

*close

HighwayDragon1 · 22/12/2015 13:42

"Can't have X round it's too busy. Can meet up at (some softplay) for a couple of hours? Xx"

FairyFluffbum · 22/12/2015 13:42

"No sorry I'm busy. If your child really wants to see mine he can come round yours for a couple of hours"

LaContessaDiPlump · 22/12/2015 13:42

Ooh, say what Dipank said. I'll bet she doesn't respond for ages or at all

TheSecondViola · 22/12/2015 13:42

Text back: remember he came here last time, I can drop DS to yours this time if you like?

LagunaBubbles · 22/12/2015 13:43

How do you word it? Say no.

KinkyAfro · 22/12/2015 13:45

Just say no, she's taking the piss and you've got enough to do with your own kids

shebird · 22/12/2015 13:48

YANBU I've been in that position OP and it is very tricky. The issue is you are being used as free childcare under the pretence of a play date. You need to be firm and just text her say that you are busy over the holidays so not doing any play dates (free childcare)Wink

ceebie · 22/12/2015 13:53

How about "DS would love to play at your house some time. Perhaps he could go to yours over the Christmas holidays? Then we could have your DS the following time."

Goingtobeawesome · 22/12/2015 13:55

I wouldn't get into a tit for tat over turns but I also wouldn't send mine there as it sounds like she won't watch them as you'd want.

You need to say, I'm busy all holidays so I can't take care of your son. Don't say sorry. Not your fault she's married a pillock.

RideEmCowgirl · 22/12/2015 13:55

As everyone else has said, she is just trying to fob him off on you.

Send one of the above text's about your DS going there.

Psychmumma · 22/12/2015 13:59

She might really be struggling with her DC, especially if his own Dad won't have him (not that this is your problem) and she may be desperate for a break! How about " We're mega busy at the mo I'm afraid. However, we'll deffo be at the park at X o clock on Thursday morning for an hour to blow of some steam if you and your DC would like to join us!" ?

UkmmTheSecond · 22/12/2015 14:00

Dds friend always comes here, it's not often that she gets invited there, but it's complicated, the parents are divorced and the three dc spend one week with mum and one with dad, they bith work long hours and their days off are spent catching up on housework, running around doing shopping etc, I don't mind having her friend here most of the time as both the mum and dad often say they feel bad as they can't return the favour, but I totally understand. Dds friend is well behaved and I hardly know she's here to be honest.

What they don't do is take the piss and contact me asking me to have her regularly. It's nice to help out every now and then, because you can all ask for favours if you should ever need help, but that doesn't sound like what's happening here, she sounds like she wants childcare. Just say no, you have a lot on over the hols.

shebird · 22/12/2015 14:03

I would avoid your DS going there as then you will be in a position where owe her one and the situation will be endless. I'm all for helping one another out but some people just take advantage.

Original poster
madmomma · 22/12/2015 14:04

I find it tricky to know how to handle it because the boys really are thick as thieves together and I can see them being best mates all the way through school, so I want to protect myself but also stay friendly. If they were just casually pally I wouldn't give it any thought. I think the suggestion of soft play is really good. Cos it's still offering to play, but on neutral territory.

OP posts:
shebird · 22/12/2015 14:09

It would be interesting to see if she goes for the soft play/ meet up option.

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