Ok, I had a dinner party at my mums in Aug and as every year there is a family get together Christmas night, I offered (stupidly) not thinking how skint me and OH are going to be at Christmas as we have both set new businesses up, my DD is staying with her Dad C/eve and OH kids are with their mum this year......We have just done our month end finances and they are not looking good. Even a call I'm going to make to the landlord about difficulty paying rent is going to be a phone call I don't want to make ( I want to take another propranolol just thinking about it)
We have already got some food in etc and bits and bobs for the evening, and the other family members are bringing stuff but it's just one thing I cannot face - everyone getting on like everything is ok, my OH isn't exactly good at coping with stress he goes incredibly quiet and then when the next day it's straight back down to earth with the massive stress and struggle that's upon on us.
It might sound incredibly selfish but I am just not the kind of person that can laugh stress off, I don't want to drink much as that makes stress and my depression worse.
As we haven't got our kids until boxing day this year, I just want to curl up in a ball, eat Christmas dinner and go back to bed.
I feel so guilty for feeling like this, I just cannot get into the mindset / spirit of Christmas.
I have just emailed my mum now pretty much saying this, I'm expecting an email back with a capital-lettered-written-rant