To cancel the Christmas night get together

[AJFsmummy]

Ok, I had a dinner party at my mums in Aug and as every year there is a family get together Christmas night, I offered (stupidly) not thinking how skint me and OH are going to be at Christmas as we have both set new businesses up, my DD is staying with her Dad C/eve and OH kids are with their mum this year......We have just done our month end finances and they are not looking good. Even a call I'm going to make to the landlord about difficulty paying rent is going to be a phone call I don't want to make ( I want to take another propranolol just thinking about it)

We have already got some food in etc and bits and bobs for the evening, and the other family members are bringing stuff but it's just one thing I cannot face - everyone getting on like everything is ok, my OH isn't exactly good at coping with stress he goes incredibly quiet and then when the next day it's straight back down to earth with the massive stress and struggle that's upon on us.

It might sound incredibly selfish but I am just not the kind of person that can laugh stress off, I don't want to drink much as that makes stress and my depression worse.

As we haven't got our kids until boxing day this year, I just want to curl up in a ball, eat Christmas dinner and go back to bed.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this, I just cannot get into the mindset / spirit of Christmas.

I have just emailed my mum now pretty much saying this, I'm expecting an email back with a capital-lettered-written-rant

Yay for your Mum, she sounds lovely. Both my husband and I run our own companies and I completely understand the stress and strain it can cause, at least when I was employed if he had a bad month we still knew we had enough to pay the bills and put food on the table, now I am also self employed its scarier. I find Christmas is a time we are supposed to be happy and jolly, and actually if you aren't feeling that way it makes you feel EVEN worse, I'm not feeling in any way Christmassy this year - were starting family counseling Christmas eve, thing is, Christmas or not, you've got to do what is best for you. there's lots of charities offering debt advice at the moment, see if they can help and whilst it wont fix your worries over night you'll know you are making positive steps x

Your mum is a star. Give her a big hug from me!

Merry Christmas xx

Viola, what the actual jeffing difference does it make when the OP's illness was diagnosed??! Perhaps things have crept up/built up? Can you imagine that? They do sometimes, you know.

And as for saying it 'properly', the OP says 'I don't want to drink much as that makes stress and my depression worse.'

How much clearer do you require her to be?

Thank you all for your supporting comments.

And ClarkL, its so challenging but fingers crossed uit will all be worth it! If not, I'm going to look 50 before I turn 30! xx

I suppose it's easier to understand the OP when you've been in her shoes, so to speak.

I go to ground on occasion, but I'm so old now that my friends and relatives have learnt that it's not because I'm being lazy, or antisocial, it's because I can't cope for that short period of time.

I'm very thankful that there are people in my life who, like the OP's mum, are emotionally astute.

Thank goodness for your lovely mum.

for your mum, lovely lady saving the day
hope you get well soon

Good luck with your new businesses!!! May 2015 be the year it all comes together. It is such a brave thing to do but hugely stressfu!