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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike seeing young children with pierced ears.

381 replies

Singsongsungagain · 21/12/2015 19:10

Inspired by a picture on FB today of a friend's young child (6 years old) sobbing her eyes out whilst getting her ears pierced.
Why the hell would any decent parent hold their child steady to allow their ears to be pierced? What is it all about??

OP posts:
IceBeing · 22/12/2015 12:23

women need to care as little or less about their appearance than men...they need to be as respected for attributed that aren't attractiveness as men. When we have achieved actually equality...and there are NO people who would think to impose different age/number rules for piercings for girls and boys...THEN ear piercing will cease to be a misogynistic activity.

Until then....

IceBeing · 22/12/2015 12:25

tali then you can't stand me.....doesn't stop the fashion industry being transparently misogynistic though..does it?

for the record - I wear pretty hair clips etc. I just know I am being misogynistic when I do it...

MetalMidget · 22/12/2015 12:26

I was 10 when I had mine done, along with my mom. My dad was miffed, he'd put the arbitrary age limit of 15 on me getting mine done. I nagged a lot, though.

Hate seeing it on younger children though, and I'd probably wait until any kid of mine was in their teens before letting them get theirs done, even though it did me no harm.

noeffingidea · 22/12/2015 12:28

I think it does come across as a bit mysogynistic when newborn baby girls have their ears pierced in hospital, Talizorah. (See the post upthread where this was done in Saudi Arabia).It seems to be saying that having your ears pierced and wearing earrings is a neccesary part of being female. It's assuming that all women will want to have pierced ears, so why not do it before they know anything about it. At the very least, it seems to be enforcing stereotypes.
I must admit, I would have been shocked and angry if someone had done this to my baby without even asking me first. There again, I would never be in Saudi Arabia in the first place.

TaliZorah · 22/12/2015 12:33

IceBeing it is not misogynistic to wear hair clips though. That's the whole point. Men are also expected to care about their appearance. Clean shaven, suits, tidy looking. Do women have higher expectations? Yes and it's an issue in some circumstances but it isn't misogynistic to choose to wear something that you choose to wear yourself and you want to

no I think in that case it is but I don't think ear piercing generally is

noeffingidea · 22/12/2015 12:40

Tali that's just an extreme. I do wonder if earpiercing on babies correlates with more 'sexist', less equal societies though. I'd be interested to know how common it is in countries such as Norway and Sweden.
I just find it interesting because it's a change in my own culture that I've lived through.

TaliZorah · 22/12/2015 12:43

no Im not sure which cultures piece babies ears. It is interesting.

FWIW I didn't think having my ears pierced hurt so don't think it's "cruel"

IceBeing · 22/12/2015 13:18

well as long as it didn't hurt you tali I guess it can't hurt anyone....

I had mine done at 15 and nearly died because of it. If I had had it done as a child and the same thing had happened (endocarditis) then I really would have died.

For me it isn't the pain - though who the hell wants to cause unnecessary pain to babies? - it is the treating of someone else's body as your own possession to modify as you see fit.

TaliZorah · 22/12/2015 13:20

How did you get that from ear piercing? Infection?

I admit I wouldn't pierce a babies ears but can't get annoyed about it, certainly not older children who are able to say they want it doing!

Piercings aren't permanent though so if as an adult the child doesn't want it they can take them out

DisappointedOne · 22/12/2015 13:24

Not permanent? I've not worn earrings for about 10 years but could slip a pair in pretty easily still. I don't wear them due to a severe nickel allergy possibly caused by the wearing of cheap metal earrings through my teenage years.

TaliZorah · 22/12/2015 13:27

Disappointed I've retired 4 of my piercings, 3 in my ears and even I can't see where they were. I definitely couldn't get anything through them!

My mum always insisted I only wore gold earrings, as others would cause allergies.

SanityClause · 22/12/2015 14:02

DD2 had hers done when she was 11, on her birthday. She was desperate to have them done, but it didn't stop her from crying, at the time.

To me, this is one of those things that falls into the category of "other people do stuff differently to me". I wouldn't have a baby's ears pierced, because of fear of infection and tearing, but if other people do, that's not really my business.

DisappointedOne · 22/12/2015 14:10

Disappointed I've retired 4 of my piercings, 3 in my ears and even I can't see where they were. I definitely couldn't get anything through them!

My mum always insisted I only wore gold earrings, as others would cause allergies.

I'm allergic to gold. And cheap silver. Can only wear platinum now. So I don't bother. But the holes (5) are still there and could still be used.

doceodocere · 22/12/2015 14:15

I can't really get exercised about ear piercing.

But I did once raise my (pierced) eyebrow at an eyebrow piercing on a very young child.

DisappointedOne · 22/12/2015 14:19

So perhaps, given for some people they are permanent rather than temporary, adults shouldn't pierce babies and young children.........

Original poster
Singsongsungagain · 22/12/2015 14:19

Had mine done at 19 and by 20 had stopped wearing earrings. In my 40s now and can still feel the holes.

OP posts:
bigfam · 22/12/2015 14:27

I've got to ask, I'm intrigued to know if any one of you that hates toddlers/babies with ear piercings, have you ever told the child's parent?

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 22/12/2015 14:45

Couldn't care less. A friend of mine (from a culture where nearly all babies have their ears pierced) told me that it's much better to do it when they are tiny because they can't reach their ears to remove them or touch them and cause infection and it's normal to rub breast milk on to the earrings to heal them rather than surgical spirit (which is what I had to do when I had my ears pierced at 12 and it hurt worse than the piercing).

I can't get upset about this, I'm more concerned about other misogynistic cultural traditions like FGM for instance.

DrCoconut · 22/12/2015 15:40

People who judge the parents, think it says a lot about them etc. What is you opinion of my parents? I had my ears pierced at 2. It was late really but for whatever reason they only got round got round to it then. I wanted them, it was family custom anyway, I had it done at a jewellers with a needle rather than a gun, had no problems as a result and am really glad I had them done as I'm a real wuss but love earrings!

TaliZorah · 22/12/2015 15:53

people who it hasn't closed up on - does it affect you in any way?

I really struggle to see a child getting angry their parents pierced their ears

lexlees · 22/12/2015 15:55

@usual - I find this hilarious - its like a one liner from a drama. This is my first insult on mn. :-D

Now now, calm down - no reason for foul language. No offence was meant.

VaticanAssassin · 22/12/2015 15:57

YANBU OP.

I'm probably in the minority, but I don't agree with piercings on young children, and definitely not on babies.

If you attend a piercing studio as an adult, you need to confirm you aren't under the influence of alcohol or drugs, because you'd be classed as unable to give consent.

So when a Mother attends with her baby, I do think it's wrong to give consent on the child's behalf for something they didn't want or choose for their own body.

The argument, "She's 4, and she's pestered to have it done" doesn't really work IMHO.

If I, when aged 15, decided to have sex with my 18yo boyfriend, i would be told that by law am not mature enough to give Consent, because even if I wanted to- I'm not of age to sufficiently understand the implications. He, as the adult, would be expected to safeguard and respect the consent issue, to protect both the other party from choices they aren't deemed able to make, and also protect himself from being arrested! You're more aware of your mind and body in your teens than you are as a child, so if a teen is deemed unable to make conscious sensible choices regarding their body, how on earth is a 4 year old?

TaliZorah · 22/12/2015 16:01

Vatican so my mum was wrong to let me get my ears pierced at 8 because I asked for it? And to get more piercings at 14 again because I asked for it? Hmm

I could argue against what you've said with the gillik competence. Doesn't apply to young children but certainly does to teens.

Original poster
Singsongsungagain · 22/12/2015 16:54

I expect you asked for lots of things at 8 that your mum said no to Tali. That's what parenting is really isn't it- making the best decisions for your children, not just saying yes to shut them up.

OP posts:
AngieBolen · 22/12/2015 16:56

TaliZorah, I would have said your mum was wrong if she didn't want you to be pierced, but right if she wanted you to have piercings.

I say no to all sorts of things my DC ask for, and I say yes to things I want them to have.

I had a long conversation with the person who was going to pierce DS just after his 16th birthday, and if he was any younger certainly wouldn't "let" him. I'm just glad DS chose a responsible person to do it (who suggested to DS he didn't have it done, as he was still at school) but also pointed out to me if he didn't do it, DS could go down the road to someone else who might not have the same standards.