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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum alone for Christmas

63 replies

Carseat123 · 21/12/2015 17:46

My mum will be alone on Christmas Day evening. We have a little girl born a couple of months ago and this year we had said we would have a Christmas just me, LG and OH. This was before I realised that all of my other close family would be going away and due to pet/financial commitments, my mum wouldn't be going with them.
My mum has offered to come and cook us Christmas Dinner as I will be busy with LG, I have gratefully accepted.
I would very much like my mum and herpet to stay the night so that she doesn't have to drive home (1 hour away) and if she wants she can have a drink.

My OH was unhappy that my mum was coming over at all, despite her being there to help. He is also frustrated that my other family have gone away without consideration that she would be alone - they did invite her but she declined as couldn't afford/get anyone to look after her pet.

I have asked OH of she can spend the night and he has said no.
I'm feeling even more frustrated as we are having his whole family for over a week at New Year and when I have said a couple of days would be fine but over a week is too long, he has refused to explain this to his family.

AIBU to want my mum at mine for one night? I always thought Christmas was a time to be together with your loved ones.

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 21/12/2015 19:19

Osolea if my DH was prepared to leave his mother alone at Christmas I would think he was a total tit, and he would not need my permission to have her to stay.

Osolea · 21/12/2015 19:26

But he's not expecting ops mother to have Christmas alone! He was disappointed that the Christmas he had hoped for that had been agreed it was no longer going to happen, but it sounds like he fully accepted his mil being there for Christmas dinner.

Her going home at the end of the day instead of staying over isn't anything remotely like her spending Christmas alone!

Aeroflotgirl · 21/12/2015 19:31

Yes it is yiur house too, you have to put your foot down. Don't let him control you. He does not sound very nice.

IsItMeOr · 21/12/2015 19:32

Osolea I disagree that being clear when something doesn't work for you is being childish. It's the basis of any adult interaction.

I was consciously using the MNet phrasing, and had assumed that it would be read somewhat tongue-in-cheek for that reason.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 21/12/2015 19:37

YANBU op.

He's having his family for a whole week, when you said a couple of nights 'would be ok' - but he won't put up your mother for one night??

Couples have to accept that sometimes the best laid plans might need to change, especially when one of their mothers will be alone for Xmas.

Or - what Hully said.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 21/12/2015 20:03

Or just go to your mum's while his family are there, and leave him to it.

I'd be going to my mums for Christmas and leave him to it as well as staying for the time his family were visiting. He's being a selfish twat!

Osolea · 21/12/2015 20:19

Osolea I disagree that being clear when something doesn't work for you is being childish. It's the basis of any adult interaction.

I didn't say it was childish, and I know that it is one of those standard lines trotted out on MN quite often. I didn't get that your comment was tongue in cheek though, people do say it and mean it! And I'm not only referring to your post, I'm just a bit shocked at some of the things people are saying about someone who is only doing something that MNrs advise other MNers to do all the time - say no to the in laws staying over after inviting themselves at the last minute.

Neither of them is 100% in the right here, but neither of them are completely wrong either. They just want different things

ohtheholidays · 21/12/2015 21:54

Your an adult and he's an adult now tell him to stop acting like a massive dick and to start acting like the adult and father he's supposed to be!

Tell him no his family won't be staying for over a week ShockIf my DH suggested that I'd bloody run away and he'd do the same if I suggested it as well.

And yes your mother will be staying for one night,he needs to realize that when your LO grows up and has a family of her own he's going to be someone's FIL and you'll be someones MIL,how does he think he'd feel if his daughters future family didn't want to spend any time with him at Christmas but bent over backwards for they're family at Christmas.

biggles50 · 22/12/2015 18:49

Hi op my husband used to be like this he just is a bit unthinking sometimes and we used to have massive rows. I don't think swearing and telling him his family can't come is the way to go. He sounds like my husband who hates last minute changes of plan. I'm sure if you appeal to his sense of decency and fairness in a calm way it'll be ok. A conversation that starts with telling him you understand how he doesn't like the thought of your xmas being shared but what an awful position you're in. Does he really expect your mum should spend the day alone? Would he bring up his child to leave him or you out at some future xmas? Explain it's one day a year to be selfless. I always found this kind of approach works when my husband is being weird. Remind him that you're welcoming his family for a week because that's what families do. Good luck and I feel your pain.

AliceScarlett · 22/12/2015 20:09

He's being incredibly unfair. Since when does he get to make the final decision?

Whatdoidohelp · 22/12/2015 21:06

I don't think this is your husbands issue. Your mum was invited elsewhere but chose not to go cause of pets. With planning she could have put them in boarding.

FlatOnTheHill · 22/12/2015 21:57

So he is frustrated that other family members have gone away without any considerarion that she would be alone. Yet he does not want her there knowing she will be alone so he has no consideration either.
Why have you asked his permission if YOUR mother can spend the night. I would be telling him not asking him. Im sorry OP but he sounds like a vile asshole and you need to grow a backbone. Sorry to be harsh on you. But this bloke sounds a control freak bully. Nip it in the bud now.

scarlets · 22/12/2015 22:38

I understand that he's disappointed that the Christmas you planned isn't happening, but turfing your mum out after she's cooked the lunch isn't on. Also - as others have said - he's not the boss!

Tbh if I were your mum I'd politely refuse your offer of an overnight stay, allowing you time to yourselves in the evening.

And if I were your inlaws I wouldn't land on a couple with a new baby for a week, unless I'd come from Australia or somewhere.

Not a lot of courtesy going on here!

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