Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Mum alone for Christmas

63 replies

Carseat123 · 21/12/2015 17:46

My mum will be alone on Christmas Day evening. We have a little girl born a couple of months ago and this year we had said we would have a Christmas just me, LG and OH. This was before I realised that all of my other close family would be going away and due to pet/financial commitments, my mum wouldn't be going with them.
My mum has offered to come and cook us Christmas Dinner as I will be busy with LG, I have gratefully accepted.
I would very much like my mum and herpet to stay the night so that she doesn't have to drive home (1 hour away) and if she wants she can have a drink.

My OH was unhappy that my mum was coming over at all, despite her being there to help. He is also frustrated that my other family have gone away without consideration that she would be alone - they did invite her but she declined as couldn't afford/get anyone to look after her pet.

I have asked OH of she can spend the night and he has said no.
I'm feeling even more frustrated as we are having his whole family for over a week at New Year and when I have said a couple of days would be fine but over a week is too long, he has refused to explain this to his family.

AIBU to want my mum at mine for one night? I always thought Christmas was a time to be together with your loved ones.

OP posts:

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 21/12/2015 18:34

Invite your mum to stay over. Then pack yourself and your baby up and go home with her and let your 'd'H tend to his own family by himself. Wanker.

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 21/12/2015 18:35

Your husband is being a selfish arse

Tell him his family are not welcome if your mother is not

IsItMeOr · 21/12/2015 18:37

Seeing it from his perspective, this might be more about the loss of the anticipated nuclear family christmas that OH was anticipating, rather than being totally irredeemable.

I would suggest you address that explicitly with him, along the lines of, look, I know we said that we would just be us three this year, but that was before I realised that mum would be alone, and actually it would really help me to have her here to do the cooking, and that's what I would like to do now.

Then just repeat "That doesn't work for me" to any suggestion that he makes which doesn't meet your requirements.

Oldraver · 21/12/2015 18:37

Your DP is being a twat.

But if your Mum chooses to put a pet first then she has to except that she will miss out at times

Petal02 · 21/12/2015 18:42

If you're having his family to stay for a whole week OP, then I'd say you're in credit!

yorkshapudding · 21/12/2015 18:45

He "said No" to your mum staying, he "refuses" to see your point of view regarding his family visiting..this doesn't sound like an equal partnership. Why does he have the final say?

I can see previous posters points about it being a last minute change of plan but it seems very unfair that he can't welcome your Mum for one night, whilst you have to put up with his family for over a week.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/12/2015 18:45

Wtf @ 'put a pet first'?

If she has a dog and can't get a pet sitter or take it to wherever the rest of the family is going, what would you suggest she do? Put it down?

VaticanAssassin · 21/12/2015 18:46

Tell your OH to fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when he gets there, fuck off a bit further.
And his family too

LumelaMme · 21/12/2015 18:47

You WHAT?
DH once moaned about us having my aunt here for Christmas again (DM is long gone and DAunt is DCs' surrogate granny) when we never had MIL. I pointed out that a) it was MIL's choice not to come (didn't like staying away from home) and b) we did 100s and 100s of things with his huge bloody family and feck all with my much smaller one. He walked off grumbling but he clearly accepted that I was right as this issue has never been raised again.

I think you and your DH need a similar conversation about Christmas and New Year.

ilovesooty · 21/12/2015 18:49

He sounds like a real tosser.

Did he never suggest that he might cook the Christmas meal, by the way?

lorelei9 · 21/12/2015 18:53

He's an arse
You want your mum there, she wants to come. End of.

TartanBirdFeeder · 21/12/2015 18:54

Bloody hell, tell him to get lost. You don't need permission from him to invite your mum to stay, it's your house too.

maybebabybee · 21/12/2015 18:56

Er how has the OP's mother 'put a pet first'? If she can't get a sitter what do you want her to do with said pet??

OP your DH is being a total twat. In your situation I'd say fine, I'll go to my mum's then and you can stay at home.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/12/2015 18:58

^"I have asked OH of she can spend the night and he has said no.
I'm feeling even more frustrated as we are having his whole family for over a week at New Year and when I have said a couple of days would be fine but over a week is too long, he has refused to explain this to his family."^

Not only would I tell him that my mother is indeed staying and if he doesn't like it he can fuck off, but I would also be adding that his family will not be staying a week and since he won't tell them I HAVE ALREADY RANG THEM AND TOLD THEM.

Fucker.

Katarzyna79 · 21/12/2015 19:01

Its your home to why ask his permission? Should have said "im having mum over for xmas and she will be staying the night, since shes all alone, thought id let you know".

Whys it ok for his family to come for a long holiday but ur mum is alone and wants a short visit. Id confront him in future if she needs assistance he will prob say no too will cause probs

GabiSolis · 21/12/2015 19:03

Fucking hell he is a shit isn't he? It's a simple solution though, if he feels that way about your DM then he obviously is taking back the invitation to his family.

He can't have it his own way. He can either stop being cuntish or you put your foot down and his family don't come either.

Chattymummyhere · 21/12/2015 19:03

I can see his point. You all agreed ages ago that Christmas Day would be just the three of you, then you let your mum come because she says she will cook... Ok he thinks as you still get the rest of the day then nope sorry she's spending all day and night.

I would be annoyed in his shoes too.

His family staying for a week over ny I'm guessing has been arranged got a while and not just dumped on you a few days before the event after being told it would just be the three of you.

SquinkiesRule · 21/12/2015 19:05

He's being an arse, he doesn't get to decide everything and veto your family coming over.

maybebabybee · 21/12/2015 19:06

Chatty, the OP is letting her mum come because otherwise her mum will be alone, not because she has offered to cook.

I hardly think one extra person who is actually going to cook adds an unreasonable amount of work.

I hate this mean attitude to Christmas. I understand if you have a toxic or difficult family, but I can't imagine ever wanting to spend Christmas away from my mum, especially if she was alone.

LagunaBubbles · 21/12/2015 19:12

Come on there must be a back story, particularly surrounding your DH and his views on your Mum?

Osolea · 21/12/2015 19:12

Some of these replies are madness.

I can just imagine the response it would get on here if a man was saying to his wife that it was his home to so he didn't need to ask his permission for family to stay. Or if he repeated 'that doesn't work for me' over and over again in response to anything from his wife that didn't meet his requirements. Or if he played tit for tat and reused to do something he'd previously agreed to because he want getting his own way.

These are supposed to be adults in a marriage, not playground BFF's having a fall out.

I can completely understand why he would want at least some alone time with his own little family over Christmas, especially if they have already agreed to have visitors for an extended stay a few days later. It's not like he's said she can't come at all, just that he'd prefer it if she didn't stay all day. The woman is an adult, it's not that terrible a thing to spend a couple of hours on Christmas night alone after having a lovely meal with your daughter and baby grandchild.

The only thing I can see that has been unreasonable about the DHs behaviour here is having his family to stay for a whole week when the OP has said she prefer it to be shorter, but then there may be reasons there we don't know about like if they have a long way to come or haven't seen the baby yet or something.

WeThreeMythicalKings · 21/12/2015 19:12

If you don't make a stand now, this will be the rest of your life. His family are no more important than yours. If your mum can't stay over then his family can fuck off.

Make a stand now, OP.

LagunaBubbles · 21/12/2015 19:13

I also hate this mean attitude to Christmas, when the true meaning is love and family. Not just your spouse and child.

LindyHemming · 21/12/2015 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 21/12/2015 19:17

You're going to say the pet is like a huge house pig or big old snake or something horrible that your DH is allergic to aren't you?

Otherwise the man is devoid of Christmas spirit. And I am afraid the way he is dismissing your feelings; and the way he is prepared to let your mum spend Christmas alone is instructive.

Flip

1 2 3