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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to like having grey / white hair : its proves I have lived a good life

100 replies

Ta1kinPeace · 20/12/2015 21:01

I'm not fat, I'm very fit, I'm not a slob
I just do not see why people think that lying about their hair colour makes them look "better"

my hair is salt and pepper but glossy and thick and fits my skin tone

why do so many people (mainly women) feel scared to admit that grey is natural and can / does look fab?

how can women moan about ageism while dyeing their hair every month?
(men too, Obama excepted)

OP posts:
finetonive · 20/12/2015 23:29

hair dyeing in men and women is insecurity nowt else

Rubbish.
It shows that you care and have pride in your appearance, instead of letting everything go to pot just because you're getting old.

noeffingidea · 20/12/2015 23:35

Good for you OP, it's your hair and you can do what you want with it.
I'm going to carry on dying mine. I'm 55 and I don't actually have much grey but what there is stands out, because my hair is quite dark. I just slap a permanent on every few months and that does the job. I will probably stop when my hair gets proper grey though.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 20/12/2015 23:44

finetonive I really disagree with your "all grey is ageing and if you don't dye it you have no pride in your appearance and look old" rhetoric.

As many PP have pointed out, what people do with their hair colour is a personal choice and what looks good on one person may not on another. I am currently choosing to let my grey show (I am 38 and it is quite pale, scattered throughout my hair but with concentrations at the front). I don't think it ages me particularly, it is certainly not a reflection of a lack of attention to my appearance and I find your sweeping statement to the contrary to be crude and a bit offensive. Biscuit

Preciousxbane · 21/12/2015 00:34

I developed an allergy to hair dye and had an incredibly sore scalp the last time it was dyed so now have no choice but to embrace the grey. My hairdresser warned me the reaction could possibly be worst next time. If I could dye my hair with something natural I would.

I started dying my hair aged 35 and stopped aged 47.

CainInThePunting · 21/12/2015 00:42

Hi TIP

I started going grey when I was fifteen, it was a bit cool and a talking point to have a 'morticia' streak through my hair and then I hit my late thirties.
I dyed my hair blonde as I was told my grey was ageing me and have regretted it ever since.

I've been growing out the dye since early this year and I really love my grey.

I'm due to post an update on a thread in style and beauty on which we are all giving up the dye and embracing our grey.

Will try to find it...

CainInThePunting · 21/12/2015 00:44

Here it is...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/2423639-For-those-of-us-going-grey

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2015 00:56

hair dyeing in men and women is insecurity
nowt else

See now I don't want to appear to be mean ( I genuinely don't)

But (and this is the god's honest truth - I swear I'm not being goady at all)

In the almost 4 years I've been on Mumsnet, you and just 2 other posters strike me as the most insecure posters I can immediately call to mind.

You - not just due to all the fitness/diet/exercise posts you've made but more about the way you've often constantly made your point. I realise this probably doesn't make sense because I'm not prepared to elaborate (due to the fact it will sound like a dig even when it's really not).

Poster 2 - Tells everyone on every single weight loss thread that she's lost X amount of stones, but then goes on to argue that black is blue...basically saying that no-one who is addicted to food can ever become un-addicted (leading me to believe that she's probably piled the weight back on).

Poster 3 - Tells everyone they should LTB if their DH's behaviour isn't absolutely impeccable at all times (or at least that's what her advice often amounts to), which makes me think that actually, she's probably living in a completely different personal relationship than the type she advises to Mumsnetters.

So your opinion on hair dyeing being a sign of insecurity may be right when it comes to some people, but for others it will simply be because they prefer a certain look...just like you've often reminded us over the years that you personally prefer the flat stomached look.

Horses for courses Smile

jellybeans · 21/12/2015 01:01

I am late 30s and got my first greys at 27. The joys of dark hair. I use henna to blend it in as am allergic to hair dye.

It does anger me that so much is tied to how attractive women are deemed and how there is obsession with youth and hiding anything to do with ageing. If less women dyed their hair it would be easier as less pressure.

Damselindestress · 21/12/2015 01:17

I'm not grey yet but I still dye my hair because I like trying different colours. Women should be able to dye their hair if they want without being accused of "lying" or supporting ageism, it's a personal choice. And having grey hair does not prove you've lived a good life, it's simply a natural part of the aging process even if you'd had a shit life. You're not better than someone who dyes their hair. It's not a competition, why not support other women instead of tearing them down?

EBearhug · 21/12/2015 01:18

hair dyeing in men and women is insecurity nowt else

It probably is insecurity in some people - but it can also be fashion, or identity with a particular group like punk or goth, or just because you fancy a change of image. Some people change their hair colour frequently - blonde, black, auburn, blue, bright red... Others never do. Most are probably somewhere in between. And only some of those will be doing it because of insecurity.

Postchildrenpregranny · 21/12/2015 01:30

Grey or silver hair is often lovely -my
Mum had beautiful silver hair and mine is going the same way .When it's even all over I will stop dyeing it.
Salt and pepper on the other hand suits very few people IMO. My mum included.Which is why I dye mine

BackInTheRealWorld · 21/12/2015 10:23

I dye my hair. I'm not going grey. I dye it because I like It bright colours.
Am I insecure or is that only when you dye to cover the grey?

BoboChic · 21/12/2015 10:25

There's no moral issue involved in hair color, OP. You aren't a better person for not dyeing it. Nor am I a better person for dyeing mine (and I go through phases - sometimes I like my natural dark blonde, sometimes I want something different).

MrsJayy · 21/12/2015 10:28

So grey and fat is a slob slim and grey is fab okayy then, ive been dying my hair different colours since i was a teen im not going to stop now going grey is part of ageing bog all to do with living a good life

BoboChic · 21/12/2015 10:31

Talk about ethical one-upmanship about nothing at all...

BeyondJinglebells · 21/12/2015 10:34

My hair is dyed white. I wish it would go white, would save me a fortune.

StillMedusa · 21/12/2015 10:50

I 'lied' by your definition about my hair colour for years...red, blonde, brown, green (bad hair dye mistake that one Grin ) Now I am allergic to dye and 5 months in to growing it out, with patchy grey bits, white bits, brown bits.

Not once have I felt superior for not colouring it...or superior FOR colouring it. It's hair! Sure I'd quite like to have the body of a goddess and swishy long beautiful hair but it's hardly what defines me.

Couldn't give a shiny shit about ageing either..as long as my body keeps functioning and I do my best to ensure it does so.

I AM quite enjoying not having to faff about with bottles of dye but that hardly gives me moral superiority over anyone!

theycallmemellojello · 21/12/2015 11:17

my hair is salt and pepper but glossy and thick and fits my skin tone

why do so many people (mainly women) feel scared to admit that grey is natural and can / does look fab?

Sounds like you ARE interested in your appearance and looking good. You just happen to prefer the way you look with grey hair than dyed hair. Good for you. Not everyone feels like this. But wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same?

Helmetbymidnight · 21/12/2015 11:21

Your linking of hair colour and your body shape is really odd.

I'm not sure what your point is? Thin people do grey better?

MrsJayy · 21/12/2015 11:25

So fat people dont grey well another string to a fat persons bow not only are they fat unhealthy slobby their hair looks shit . Lovely Hmm

Helmetbymidnight · 21/12/2015 11:28

I'm afraid I can't see much difference, morally!?! between someone who exercises and diets a great deal in order to be skinny and someone who colours their hair in order not to be grey.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 21/12/2015 14:32

I feel I don't suit grey hair so I colour it to hide it.

What others think of it is of no importance to me.

knobblyknee · 21/12/2015 14:44

How can women moan about ageism when dying their hair every month?

Ageism is discrimination.
Dyeing your hair stops any perceived discrimination

What you do with your hair is your choice. Its great that it suits you. If you were a different hair colour it would be different.

I'm not sure what you think your perceived fitness levels have to do with anything. You are able to maintain them because you are not disabled. So try thinking 'there but for the grace of God go I' and drop the one upmanship.

Narp · 21/12/2015 14:50

I think you've been hoist by your own petard, OP

You have your hair the way you like it because you believe it suits you best that way.

If I believed letting my hair go grey would suit me best that way, I would do it. I don't like spending the money or time on it but I do because it would not suit my skin tone. I have a choice so I take it.

I think grey or white hair can look lovely, but it can also look terrible.

iwantgin · 21/12/2015 14:53

Mine is dyed grey at the moment. (Young, trendy hairdresser calls it silver!).

Mine is dark brown - and I have just a couple of greys. Not bad for late forties.

I like it this colour though- so am wiling my hair to go grey quick sticks - so I can save paying out for the hair dye :)