To ask what on earth do I do with this letter?

[usernamesandgingerbreads]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

For history exh and I split over a decade ago. For the first couple of years he came monthly to see the children and then became less and less until nothing at all for the last six years. Things were not good when I was at home with him and my son remembers things in the house being damaged by him in temper although I shielded them from a lot.

He has never paid money for them although he has been on sickness benefits for many years but has afforded many other things and has often worked cash in hand, very rarely do they get gifts at Christmas or birthdays from him certainly nothing in the last four years.
He has mental health issues and says he can not cope with seeing them because it upsets him too much. He contacts by email.

I have however despite all this encouraged them to leave the door open.

I have just found a letter from one of my children from him and I do not know what to do. The children are just teens.

Dear Dad
I have thought a long time about writing this letter. I am asking you not to write or contact us anymore. You say that it hurts you when you see us and that is why you cannot see us but it hurts us a lot more when you do not see us or ring us. It hurts us when we hear nothing from you and then you message Mum after months and months and do not even ask about us. It hurts when other people are getting cards or presents from Dads at Christmas and we have nothing and when you let us go to the bank for birthday money and it was not there. It hurts when you got all that money and Mum asked you for money for new clothes for us and you said you needed to get clothes for yourself and bought lots of designer stuff.
You told us to pick loads of stuff out in the shops that you said you would buy us but then you spent the money on yourself.
You do nothing for us, X is just Mums friend but every year he comes and brings us presents because he knows you don't and every week he messages to check how we are and is proud of how we are doing at school, he encourages us and praises us and you do nothing.
You are not our Dad you do nothing for us are just someone that upsets us and we don't want it anymore.
Love Dc1 and DC2

Block online and don't answer the door if he turns up

Broken promises are so hurtful and irresponsible, he's behaved inexcusably. I agree that they should send it if they want to. Children shouldn't be subjected to repeatedly being let down just to give a selfish parent unlikely opportunities to step up. As they've said in the letter, it hurts them more than him.

I'd vote with sending the letter, if that's what the DC want.

As far as him reacting with anger, I think there is some merit in teaching a child not to let fear of another person's anger stop them from doing what they feel is right. But of course, it depends on the level of the anger and the child involved. My DS1, for example, would be able to handle an abusive email/text from a father like your ex and see it (correctly) as a reflection on the father, not on him. DS2 is different and the same text/email would probably upset him.

Can you speak to the children about their father's probable response based on your experience of him and talk through whether or not they're ready for that? Can they block him on all social media/text/phones so they don't see or hear his response?

Letter sounds like something the OP has written. Something odd about it.

No it doesn't Mabel.

Just report the thread if you're not sure.

I would do nothing until after Christmas though, put it to one side and have a talk next year with them about what they would like to do.

I pretty much wrote the same letter to my DF when I was 13.

So what if he gets angry. My DF did and my DM told him to sod off.

You should be proud that your children have had the maturity to write such a fantastic letter and that they recognise their DF's terrible behaviour. Leave it up to them if they want to post it or not.

I think I would leave an envelope and a stamp by he letter, so they have the means to post it if they choose to.

Hi Mabel I have been on Mumsnet eons since the Miles for Maude days although i de/re registered after the hacking rubbish a few months ago

The only thing i ever change are identifying features to protect the children. Don't have a problem if you want to report though