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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sil is selfish and unthoughtful?

41 replies

smileygrapefruit · 20/12/2015 15:35

Dd2 is 4 weeks old. When she was born I sent an email to mine and dh' s siblings announcing the birth (the usual: name, weight, time etc). We chose Petunia would be her MIDDLE name.The response I got from sil was "I'm very disappointed with the Petunia", that was it, no congratulations or anything. I responded with something along the lines of "wtaf? What are you on about?" She said she couldn't believe we'd called her that as she'd told us ages ago their first daughter would be called Lily. Have changed the names for anonymity but basically they are both flowers but that is as much as they have in common. Neither me, dh or my parents remember her sharing her chosen future name, nor do any of us see any similarity between the names, nor do they have any children yet. She went on to block me on Facebook so I messaged my db asking what the hell was going on and he (has no backbone) told me to give it a few days as sil is very upset about it so I should give her time to calm down. Really?! I genuinely couldn't see an issue with the names and was absolutely livid about her response to our good news (had two miscarriages last year) but I'm the one that should give her some time then get in touch?! Any way, I didn't hear anything for a week so I did message her (I don't want to fall out with family), I explained it was her middle name so wouldn't even really be used, and that I just didn't understand the problem and basically we just agreed to disagree and to forgive and forget. The thing is I can't shake the feeling that she was the only one any way in the wrong and now I see her as a very self centred, selfish person. Am I bu to let this taint my view of her and still be pissed off?

OP posts:
MoreGilmoreGirls · 20/12/2015 15:38

YANBU she sounds a nightmare. I'd just keep her at a distance in future

TaliZorah · 20/12/2015 15:38

No. She's being pathetic. So two cousins will have two related but not similar middle names. So what?

Champagneformyrealfriends · 20/12/2015 15:38

She's being ridiculous. Is she pregnant? Or struggling to conceive? This strikes me as jealousy. YANBU.

CherryPits · 20/12/2015 15:38

YANBU
people can be pigs sometimes
enjoy your lovely new baby and her name
sod them
and have a happy christmas
Flowers Cake Wine

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/12/2015 15:38

how very odd.

flower names are so common at the moment. does she think she's never going to meet anyone that has a similar theme name?

theycallmemellojello · 20/12/2015 15:39

Woah. Yes that's horrible behaviour. However, I would presume that she is having some serious issues processing the birth of your DD - could there be infertility issues, or a miscarriage, or something you don't know about? Not to excuse her behaviour, as it is really horrible not to send congratulations, it's just that this reaction seems so extreme it seems like there has to be something more going on. Congratulations, anyway!

Leelu6 · 20/12/2015 15:40

YANBU. She sounds jealous.

i would not let her get away with this kind of behaviour again. She will just get worse if she thinks you'll take it lying down.

Witchend · 20/12/2015 15:41

Anyone else think from the names it was about Harry Potter?

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 20/12/2015 15:41

Yanbu. She is.

TaliZorah · 20/12/2015 15:42

Witchend I thought that at first

ricketytickety · 20/12/2015 15:42

yanbu for her having changed your view of her - sounds like she got the green eyed devil when you had your baby. I'd still be a bit pissed off too. You should rise above it, but actually I think she's shown you her true colours and you're shocked. Advice: stay neutral with her, be friendly but keep your distance when you can.

tootiredtoknow · 20/12/2015 15:42

I cant believe you contacted her! Does she have form for pulling stunts like this? She sounds like a crazy bitch. Id be keeping my distance. Congratulations by the wayFlowers

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 20/12/2015 15:43

She really needs to get a grip. There may be reasons she acted like this, but there's no excuse for basically causing a family rift, especially just after you've had a baby. Don't apologise or bring it up again, this is her issue not yours. Your daughter's name is her name, her acting like this isn't going to change it just because you dared to have a child first.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 20/12/2015 15:47

No they are not pregnant or ttc yet. I know this because that was the second time she's been totally insensitive as when we went through the miscarriages her response was 'she's so scared of that happening to her when they start trying in a few years'. She also compared how tired she was because they have a dog to how tired I was working full time whilst pregnant with a toddler to look after.... Yeah she's a weirdo.

OP posts:
Champagneformyrealfriends · 20/12/2015 15:58

😂 my DH and I had always like Jack as a name for a boy-his sister gave her DS it as a middle name and I didn't even bat an eyelid! She needs to grow up-your poor brother having to deal with a tantrum over this. I'd bet he'll think it's as ridiculous as we all do.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 20/12/2015 16:02

Haha true champagne. My DH actually said "May be I didn't do to badly choosing you as a wife, I couldn't put up with that shit" lol

OP posts:
notafanofwinter · 20/12/2015 16:03

She IBU but I wonder if she's secretly trying to conceive and she's overcome with jealousy. That's the only rational excuse for her behaviour.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 20/12/2015 16:05

So your DD is "Mary Petunia" and she's going to name a DD "Lily Marie" or some such. She's wrong to be upset, but then again I don't get this whole thing about 'owning' a name'. Crikeys, pretty soon we're going to have 'names registries' so we can all be sure we don't 'steal' someone's name.

But in all honesty, the drive and desire to have children is second to nothing on earth. You say they aren't trying at this point but you really don't know her 'mindset'. She may desperately want to get pregnant right now, but for some reason isn't able to (money, health, her DH not ready). I've been in that position and I can tell you that every pregnancy announcement, every baby shower, every birth was like a deep stab wound directly in my heart. I pasted a smile on my face and wept in private. Luckily, my turn came.

She was very wrong to do as she did. And you were gracious to offer to forgive and forget. Try not to let it colour your feelings about her, it's always good to not let negativity into your life.

MotiSen · 20/12/2015 16:05

Gosh. People can be such jerks, when you least expect it. Well, at least now you know to expect it. I wonder if, knowing this, is there any way to make it less unpleasant to deal with her, given she's a family member? I would love to know the answer to that, as I have a few unpleasant family members myself. Congratulations on the baby!
Best wishes.

YakTriangle · 20/12/2015 16:14

That's nuts, she thinks it's reasonable to tell you can't choose a name that's even vaguely the same 'theme' as her future hypothetical daughter? Confused

Antimobiles · 20/12/2015 16:19

OP She must be related closely to the OP on the other thread who despite not being engaged is annoyed about her sil using her church for her upcoming nuptials Grin.

Bunbaker · 20/12/2015 16:21

Wow, she easily offended!

Is she always like this? What do your parents think?

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 20/12/2015 16:23

She's a moron. I'd be perfectly willing to tell her so if I were you.

Original poster
smileygrapefruit · 20/12/2015 16:23

Yes Anti..there seems to be a lot of crazy sil's about today!

OP posts:
DonttouchthatLarry · 20/12/2015 16:23

I don't even know the middle names of most of my cousins! She's nuts.

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