To be shocked that I have not been given prior warning about my son's truely awful report

[ReallyTired]

My son is extremely clumsy, uncoordinated and disorganised. He is also sweet natured, well behaved, tries hard and most his teachers had positive comments. Even his PE teacher found something nice to say inspite of the fact that performs at key stage 1 standard in year 9. His PE teacher appreciates that he really struggles, but does his best. Sometimes chikdren cannot help being low ablity.

His school report is very brief and there are too columns one for aspects worthy of praise and one fir cause for concern. His food tech and geography teacher left the praise column blank and gave him awful marks for attitude to learning and attainment. They had no problem with writing negative comments.

I feel shocked that my child is really so awful that there is nothing praiseworthy about him. I am upset that I have not been told sooner.
What I don't understand is why these teachers have not used the school's consequence system to displine him or contacted me if my son is so vile.

A school report should not contain nasty surprises.

Really I am so sorry about this. Last year dd's report had some surprises about her not working well with others, I had not been told this, by the teacher or dd and no one was around to discuss it with because teacher went off on sick. She was moving to a new class (we only get reports at end of year not end of term).

So I talked to new teacher about it, what it meant or might mean and how I expected to know stuff before getting the report at end of year on it (in a nice way, even gave some chocs as a sweetener!).

Just schedule an appointment with whomever you need to, for whenever you can and find out what is going on.be calm and polite but just make it clear this is utterly unhelpful to ds and to you.

Your son is, OF COURSE, not vile, he is all the nice things you described and more, the teachers either can't see that or can't be bothered to write it down and so that is their problem.

If he is making a lot of effort and trying really hard this needs to be acknowledged and recognised. If he simply cannot make much progress because he is reaching has academic ability then he needs help and guidance on this and getting the most out of school. And if he can do better but needs direction in this then I refer to my first answer - he needs help and guidance on this.

My dd was in school for about a year (aged 4 to 5) before any teacher or TA said anything nice about her, it is just shit and totally unnecessary.

Sounds like dyspraxia to me, too - just like my ds. Personable, well spoken, excellent vocabulary, but can still trip over a line on the floor.
I hope he changes his mind and agrees to be reassessed - possibly for dyslexia, too, as they often go hand in hand.
I do think that the teachers ought to have flagged this up earlier - time for some appointments with them, maybe - don't wait until parents' evening.

OP,it sounds like it's been along time since your son was assessed for dyspraxia.I'd ask for him to be assesed again and as soon as possible.

The Dr you spoke to was wrong!Our DS14 is autistic and has dyspraxia and his speach is very good and his social skills have improved alot with age and with help from us.

Also push for your son to be checked for cerebal palsy.One of my nephews has slight cerebal palsy,he's one of twins and they were both born at 26 weeks and it took years off pushing for my brother to get the diagnosis for my nephew,he's 24 now.He missed out on so much because of the lack of help,support and understanding for my nephew and for his parents my brother and sister in law.
By the time the hospital had got around to running the tests and checking for my nephew he was already 16 so had missed out on so much when it came to schooling.

Either way there's still plenty of time for your son OP.But you'll have to get used to pushing for him,push the Dr's and the hospital and then push the school.Honestly once you know what's going on for your son and the school are made away you'll be glad that you pushed for him and yourselves,it'll make such a positive difference for his school experience.

I would try and persuade your son to get reassessed ...if nothing else it will increase his confidence...he isn't stupid or clumsy or whatever - he has a valid reason for being the way he is and can get the support he needs.
I was going to start a thread about this.
My DD was diagnosed with ADHD at 13. It was quite straightforward because we had years of school reports etc.

I had her assessed as a toddler for 'lively behaviour' and was told she was a perfectly lovely child...completely 'normal' - I should be proud of her - (she then threw a spectacular tantrum in the car park and I felt like dragging her back in...)
If I tell people she has ADHD sometimes I get that look - like they don't think it is real etc. The drugs are just making them zombies so they can be kept under control by crap parents... and I think she proves without a doubt that it is real and the right kind of help can make a real difference.

She was never disruptive at school just struggled with concentration and organisation. She was doing ok - just about coping but as the pressure was racking up the cracks were really starting to show - I thought she might start school refusing.
She is now on medication (just school days) and has been for 6 months. The change in her school books was astounding - eg maths books from being at primary to now had always been one or two questions answered and a teacher comment about finishing work etc - now they are (mostly) pages of neatly written work (I cried when I saw them).
I have just had parent's evening and every teacher was extremely positive (it felt like they were talking about a different child).
She was predicted low grades and fails - she is now on track for As and Bs in her Nat 5s (Scottish exams just less than GCSE's). Today she came home with a practice English exam timed essay - normally she wouldn't have finished it etc - she got 85% (and hadn't had extra time or done it in a quiet room)
I'm sure it isn't just the drugs - her confidence is rapidly increasing too - she is realising she really is not stupid or lazy - she is just at a disadvantage in a school setting ...it has made a massive difference to her
...but the first step was getting the diagnosis.

Your son needs a second assessment; he is much too young to make significant decisions about his health. Tell him the world stops until he agrees. All screen time ends, the phone is confiscated, and he can only leave the house for school without you or his other parent until he agree to undergo the assessment in good faith.
Let the negative comments fog. It's very postmodern to expect praise from every teacher. Perhaps he did nothing praiseworthy. I had some wicked school reports in my day.

Does your son have any goals for what he wants to be when he grows up? Maybe try explaining that an assessment will result in the support he needs to improve his results at school and get good exam results in the future, moving him closer to his goals. I was resistant to assessments as a child and it was based on anxiety about being labelled as different since I was already being bullied. It wasn't rational but I don't think punishment would have helped me. He's a teenager who's already struggling in school, taking away everything else he enjoys in life would be extremely stressful and probably wouldn't improve his behaviour. Also, to some extent he needs to cooperate with an assessment, you can make him go, you can't make him answer questions etc so it's best to get him on the same page.

I think you do need to go into the school to talk about this, not wait until parents evening.

One factor is likely to be that year 9 is, in quite a lot of schools, the start of the countdown to GCSEs (if not the actual course) and they are beginning to look at achievement and whether it is likely to lead to a pass.

It looks as if in two subjects, into which your DS is also putting little effort (it's chicken and egg, and very common to find low effort and low achievement together), he really isn't doing well. Your later post suggest that you are making subject choices around now, and I think you're doing exactly the right thing in choosing other subjects where at all possible.

Academically my son is doing well in maths and science. His academic performance in most subjects including geography is age appriopiate or even above average.

It is only PE where he has been assessed as being level 2. The PE department are kind to him and do their best to encourage him. His balance, ablity to catch a ball is hopeless. He cannot stand on one leg. He has recently had physio and the PE department are understanding that there is a problem. My son could not have a nicer PE teacher.

Re It's very postmodern to expect praise from every teacher. Perhaps he did nothing praiseworthy. I think praise is used with kids and adults alike because it is a very positive element in education, work and family life. It has, perhaps, replaced shame, for some who wish to motivate people. Instead of making people feel so bad out what they are not doing well we try and make them feel so good about what they are doing well that we hope that will spread! No, I am not a teacher, I am a parent.

The idea that any child has done nothing praiseworthy is totally alien to me!

One of the problems I feel, is the idea that all kids can and will excel in very similar ways, and we must judge them all by the same measuring stick to put them all in the order of who is best, which it is based on who is doing best. Some pupils may need to work three times as hard as others to scrape by (like my dyslexic dd) some may sail though. I think they both deserve praise.

unlucky83 I feel your pain and am so glad there has been this amazing change in your dd's work out put. You sound an amazing mum.

Agree with Damselindestress about He's a teenager who's already struggling in school, taking away everything else he enjoys in life would be extremely stressful and probably wouldn't improve his behaviour. Also, to some extent he needs to cooperate with an assessment, you can make him go, you can't make him answer questions etc so it's best to get him on the same page.

The harsh line always sound best at first, tough, no nonsense, I will beat this by sheer power of my will! But then.... the reality, he needs to co-operate, he would do better if he understood why his could help him, he would be able to work together with you and the accessors to prove to the teachers he has the ability and how to help him and help the teacher's get the best out of him for his benefit. I think tying it in to long term and short term goals (future job and lifestyle, better job better prospects in age appropriate language) and maybe a reward/treat if he takes it seriously and works hard.

... feel so bad about what they...

Reallytired I think you've taken my post completely in the wrong way!

I had said to go for another assessment because if there is something going on with your sons health having a diagnosis will be so helpful for your son and the way all of his teachers respond to him and teach him.

Schools and teachers as a whole will have a different way of teaching your son,a way that means he'll be able to learn alot easier,a way that helps him to learn to store information more easily.

It would be for your sons benefit and if he has got slight cerebal palsy then he will need the diagnosis even more!

I have 5DC,I'm now disabled and 2 of our DC are disabled.I used to work with children,schools,surestart and SS before I became ill and disabled.

I do know what I'm talking about Reallytired,I really hope you push for another assessment,I've seen the difference for the children that did get an assessment whilst they were still school age and for the one's who didn't.The difference is startling because it doesn't just affect them when they're children it does and will have a much further reaching affect on they're lifes when they become adults.They way we all learn and early on life experiences especially in school all have an affect on our learning and growing as adults,not only with work but with relationships and nearly every aspect of someone's personal life.

Please excuse any spelling mistakes ect,part of my disability is that I've suffered life altering brain damage.

I had similar with my children which head the final straw before I moved schools. I am at the school gate every day twice a day and I had 2 parents evenings and not once did anyone suggest my children were struggling to achieve average results in any lesson.
I moved their school and since September this year they've received excellent reports and are where they should be and better in some subjects with reports full of praise.if complain, it's not on at all.

I am a teacher. We swap reports and check each other's so they would never be sent out with columns left blank. And if it did happen, I would be hauled over the coals for it.
For a very weak child I would always find something positive to say, e.g "X is keen to please and perseveres despite finding the subject challenging" or for a badly behaved child "X is able to contribute meaningfully and produe a high standard of work when she remains focused on the task."
In 10 years teaching there have only been 3 students where I really couldn't find anything truthfully positive to say. Two of them are now in prison, so you can imagine they were extreme cases.

All that and I forgot to say... Contact the school and complain. I would be very surprised if senior management were happy for reports to be sent home like this.

"he is much too young to make significant decisions about his health".

That's not true. If he's competent according to Fraser guidelines then, under the law, he has a right to decline an assessment.

"Tell him the world stops until he agrees. All screen time ends, the phone is confiscated, and he can only leave the house for school without you or his other parent until he agree to undergo the assessment in good faith".

So blackmail and coerce him into agreeing to a medical intervention he doesn't want, basically. As a health professional who works with children and adolescents, I would refuse to assess a (Fraser competent) young person who presented to me under those circumstances. Firstly, because it's unethical and secondly, because you only get an accurate assessment if the person genuinely wants to engage. If they've been strong-armed into coming, bribed or threatened with sanctions then it's always obvious that they don't really want to cooperate with the process. I also can't see how that would be much good for the OP's relationship with her DS. Rather than taking away anything that makes life even remotely fun (which is essentially punishing them for having an opinion) I would suggest trying to get to the bottom of WHY they are so reluctant and see if you can alleviate some of their anxieties.

Thanks -italian I'm not really...just muddling through -get it wrong all the time.
mars we got reports (not actually a proper school report -results of an assessment thing) a couple of years ago that had gone wrong ...on screen apparently they were fine but when they were generated (kind of a mail merge I think) to print it all went wrong ...paper copies never checked, the issue was picked up on but we never did get the right versions... they were understandable if you ignored the immediate column heading and read the previous one!!! But I don't think that is true for this case.
And as yorks says I don't think you can force him to be assessed by blackmail or bribery or anything - you need to sell the assessment and possible diagnosis as a positive thing to him... which I think it is.
The pressure on them as they near exams is going to start going up and that's when the problems become amplified (we get our first external exams a year earlier than in England - DD will be 15 and a few months when she does hers -so your DS is probably a year behind in the pressure stakes!)
I sold it as she had nothing to lose by being assessed - no-one (friends etc) would have to know (but she announced it on her fb chat group when she was diagnosed!) and it could only be good thing to know one way or another....whether we acted on that information or not.

Even with a diagnosis nothing needs to change...unless you want it to.

Having this kind of hidden disability is like trying to get to the top of a hill with your legs tied together ...you can do it but it is much much harder for you, you have to try harder than everyone else with their two free legs. (And you deserve to have that extra effort acknowledged)

School - in fact a lot of modern life - is a really artificial situation - not what humans have evolved to do.
Having for eg ADHD would be an genetic advantage in some situations - that's why some people have evolved to have their brain wired that way.
Sadly the way we live you have to get through school (hell for an ADHD person) then you can use your difference, the different way you think to your advantage - there are a lot of successful people with (suspected) ADHD from a wide range of areas - Richard Branson, Winston Churchill, Einstein, Rory Bremener (Sp) , Robbie Williams etc etc - and I'm sure that is also true for people with dyspraxia, dyslexia etc etc.

On diagnosis my DD said it's an explanation not an excuse - I think it was a relief.
And asked me why I hadn't taken her sooner (I'd suspected for years) ...it was because I didn't want her labelled and she was coping. But now I really think that was a mistake...I should have taken her sooner and stopped her thinking and feeling she was useless..
Good Luck ....

I would arrange to see the headteacher and Senco with the reports, it is a disgrace that the school are failing him, and have done that to him. He really sounds like he needs extra support academically, either school or you need to proceed with an EHCP (statement), this should have been done much sooner. He is in year 9, so about 12/13 and he is working at key stage 1 level (5-7 years), that is very very big gap, he needs a lot of support. why have school not flagged this up . What support at school are they putting in place to help him, or are they just letting him fall through the system. I would be looking for another school if I were you!

Its no good just saying that some children are low ability and leave it, they need to be putting in support to help him, you need to be on their case op!

With that much of a delay academically, he could well have a developmental delay and learning difficulties. You need to go back to the paed for a diagnosis and educationally, call an emergency meeting with the HT and Senco of his school, start the EHCP yourself, if school are unwilling, and submit medical reports, and school reports, statements to support your application. Don't just leave it!

Maybe misreading but is this the situation? A couple of blank positive columns in two subjects. All subjects at or above expected level except for PE which you already knew and could be explained by possible mild cerebal palsy.

I understand that the two missing positive comments are annoying but don't make it a truly awful report.

Just read your other posts, so your ds is fine in all other areas except PE is that right, or does he struggle academically in all areas?

I believe my son is dyspraxic, but when he was assessed as a tot the community pediatrician thought his speech and social skills were too good to be dyspraxic

That's just wrong. Complete bullshit, quite frankly.

DS1 is dyspraxic and has always had advanced speech and great social skills.

You need to trust your instincts here.

Aeroflot - the OP says her DS is KS1 level.

Also check Hypermobility Syndrome/Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I had many of the same symptoms as a child including bad handwriting, struggling to tie shoelaces, clumsiness, tripping over easily, getting behind with work and struggling academically. Many of the symptoms are the same as dyspraxia, but look for joints (in all,not such the fingers and wrists which is commonly thought of with double-jointed ness), random 'growing pains' etc.

mountain out of molehill on the school report, if you want an honest opinion, that is mine. Your son has room for improvement. Chat with him what he'd like to do. move on.