party invites frustration!

[mummymummums]

It is my daughter's 9th birthday in January, and she is allowed 10 friends to her party which is at a local venue. She has one 'friend' at school who is a child I cannot warm to (and from what I gather I am not alone) - she is well known for being spiteful and unkind, and she makes a big show of who is and is not her friend that day. Children seem to try and stay on her 'good side' for an easy life. Have never understood what my daughter sees in her, as all her other friends are lovely, but it's her choice.
DD insisted that she wanted to invite this girl to the party, and apparently the girl told my DD that she was inviting DD to her own forthcoming party, and has been quizzing DD about her party to make sure she gets invited.
So we did the invites and they were handed out on Monday. This girl apparently immediately accepted and is very excited (the venue is pretty cool). On Tuesday my daughter came home disappointed, because this girl handed out her invites, making a big show of doing so, for her own birthday party, at another well liked local venue. But my daughter is NOT invited. This girl is now repeatedly discussing her own party whenever my daughter is in earshot, and basically making sure she rubs her nose in it, along with a couple of others she has left out.
I am sooooooooo irritated. I am so not looking forward to the party with this little horror sat in the middle of it, probably being a right royal pain (she is v badly behaved). I just cannot think of a way to uninvite her.
Don't get me wrong - this isn't the first time a thing like this has happened, but usually it's been a few months after. Whilst I understand that almost 9 year olds have their own minds, nonetheless I would tell my daughter that if she was accepting an invite to a party, around the same time as her own, she ought to invite the child to her own party and if she doesn't want to, she should decline the invite. AIBU???? Both me and daughter wish this girl had never been invited but I guess we're stuck with it now???

I am glad the scales are finally dropping from dd eyes, she can mow see the girl for who she really is. I woukd still contact the girl mother and tell her that the girls are no longer friends and it is not appropriate or her dd to come to your dd party. What a nasty girl.

Superman; well, saying she is displaying manipulative or bullying behaviour is one thing. You said "she is a manipulative bully". That came across as labelling to me (if not name calling perhaps), but that's only my opinion of course.

Fair enough that you think my opinion is less valid because I haven't had direct experience of something similar to this. Some people might argue that personal experience can sometimes colour your view and lead to projection. Not saying this is the case with you, but it's an argument some might make. That's all part of the wonder of AIBU, you can gather opinions from all sorts of people. If the OP doesn't want mine then I'll happily toddle off. I found your comment that I must not have direct experience a little petty if we're being completely honest but again, only my opinion.

Anyway, I think we'll have to agree to disagree on the semantics superman.

OP I'm really glad this thread has been helpful. I still hope they miss the deadline which would solve the party problem at least. Sounds as if they might from your description of the mum. I hope something gets sorted by the school with regards to the other girl and her behaviour.

Fair enough Monty
Have a