to have just had the most awful, terrible, heart-rending realisation?

[HookedOnTurkey]

At some point in the not-so-distant future my babies might not want to be with me at Christmas.

My only concern is that the kids will say they don't want to come to ours, then change their minds and be all wistful and hard done by after we've booked and paid for the winter sun holiday...

yes I can see that happening too :)

Take comfort in the fact that they may always want to go, even if they can't.
OH and I are talking about doing alternate xmases between my parents and his. I suppose I will have to as it's only fair but I still really want to be at my mum's on xmas day. Always will I guess.

Just don't be the mum that insists everyone still goes to hers even when DC have their own DC. Then it's your turn to start going to them!

We're going to buy a 3-berth RV and follow the wind when DD says she is not coming home for Xmas (although we probably have at least another 10 years) and also DD who is 14 says she will never marry, actually she says she will never leave me. But then she says she-hates-me-and-I'm-ruining-her-life-because-everyone-else-is-allowed-to-go. So I don't know how it will pan out, I'd better concentrate on enjoying this Xmas.
We too have a cling-on in the shape of DS who has a physical disability and AS (my cup runneth over) hence the 3 berth RV.

But isn't that kind of the point? That you know you will have done a good job of parenting your children when they have been able to fly the nest and build their own lives, and host their own Christmas days?

It's sad, I know, but it is also very poignant; it means you have passed the baton on.

And, to be honest, in thirty to forty years time, you will probably be sickened if your adult children spend Xmas day with you because they have no-one else and nowhere else to go.

Everything changes. It is far more tragic and painful when it doesn't.

I've discovered there are all sorts of reasons why people are alone at Christmas. Since I've discovered I will be this year. Last year I was the ultimate smug and happy mother of 3 DC last year, my youngest 6 and 4, and made Christmas a massive affair. I was ecstatic every year. I just loved it. My husband had an affair and ended our marriage in January.
Christmas now has to bed shared. Forever.
To say I feel empty and bereft is an understatement.

This year on Christmas morning I wake up alone after spending the previous day alone. Because someone else decided a better woman should see my children Christmas morning.

Enjoy your happy family. Some peoples families are completely gone forever or like me they know the best outcome is half of all the Christmases in the future.

I wish I'd known happiness was so fragile

Oh Flange I am sorry. What a total dick wad. I can promise she is most definitely not better than you, though.

Flang That is awful. My parents divorced and still hate each other 20 years later. Every Christmas was shared. Without fail. It was sacred with Christmas Eve/Christmas morning being the first half and from 10:30am on Christmas Day onwards being the 2nd half. The halves were swapped each year. It was quite an equitable arrangement.

I'm sure they will always WANT to, though they may not always be able to. But when you're old and knackered they'll invite you to theirs and then you'll be on here asking which of the DC's you should visit this year.
Btw, DH and I thought we may be having this Christmas just the two of us, so said to DD and SIL that we might go away. "Oh great idea" says DD, "where shall we go?"!
Anyway, fret not, and have a very happy one.

I am dreading one of them getting romantically involved with.... an antipodean. i can stand it if they decide to have xmas day somewhere else - if I have to - I suppose; but not if they are 5000 miles away and I might not see them for years [falls on floor howling in horror]

Buy a cat or four

I had this realisation shortly after the doctor told me that I was expecting a boy (at 20 or so weeks). A bit premature to be anticipating the battle of the DIL/MIL but it hasn't lessened any in the years since.

Howbadisthisplace....

We have an antipodean boyfriend over for Xmas this year! It's very exciting.... Fortunately for many reasons he's very unlikely to whisk DD off to Oz long term!

This year is very different for us.... we are close to the place you are all fearing...

We have the partners of the elder 2 here for Xmas. I shall love it and it will help me cope with not having my Mum :( Youngest is 16 so a way off going elsewhere for Xmas.

When the time comes we will either infest them, or turn into my lovely inlaws, who, for several years had me DH, the kids and my parents all at theirs!

And when no one wants me at Xmas I shall go and work the homeless shelter.

Flangeshrub sorry to hear and hope you get through it okay.

HookedOnTurkey this is a brilliant thread. I have 3 DDs and 2 DSs so should always have someone here!
I love that those of you with young DC are giving serious thought to how you're going to prepare them for their future spouses!

OP you have made my day by knowing its heart-rending rather than rendering! I hope you always have a houseful at Christams just for that...
I do worry about DD deciding not to have Christmas with me - my plan is to sack off Chrristmas completely when that happens and spend the money on travelling.

I have 2 boys so fully expect to be deserted at Christmas eventually.

When that happens, I plan to take myself off somewhere for some nice winter walking and evenings by the fire. Dh can come if he wants

I've worked most Christmases for years so I guess I'm fortunate in that Christmas isn't that big a deal for me. If I'm not working, I've either worked loads and am knackered or I'm just about to start a run of shifts so low key Christmases have become our thing. The dses seem quite happy with that but I could well see that as adults they may choose a busy bustling Christmas at the in laws if that is on offer.

I have no right to complain, I haven't seen my parents at Christmas for many years.

First year without my oldest DS back for Xmas. He's going to the GF's family. He almost didn't as he didn't want to potentially upset me. I'm delighted he's moving on to the new stage of his life and given how much of a shit difficult teenager he was am amazed delighted how well he has turned out. luckily I still have younger kids at home or I would be lonely.

My mother said to both DH and I when we met "make your own Christmas's and don't ever feel you have to have it with us when you're grown up, it's only one day out of 365".

As a result of her being so lovely, we have her for Christmas every year I do keep saying to DH "don't feel we have to have my parents every year" but he insists they come.

I plan on using the same tactic with my DC.

Just enjoy spending their inheritance on whatever you want whether you need it or not. Enjoy the day your way.

Flangeshrub💐

I've said it before and I'll say it again this [santa] looks like the EDF flame turd in a hat.

I am 26 with a longstanding DP and baby on the way and we still go to my mum's for Christmas. I never want to be away from my mum at Christmas! We see DP's parents on the 27th.

My three siblings are the same. There is hope OP!

True story. A few weeks after the Hatfield rail crash I went to speak to a young woman managee of mine, from Scotland, who was on the phone to her mother.

Mummy, I'm sorry, not this year. We can't. You have to queue for an hour and a half to buy a ticket and then you can't reserve a seat. Not this year. Truly sorry, see you at Easter . . . until she put the phone down and threw her hands in the air and yelled YES! Thank you Railtrack, Tenerife here we come, we don't have to go this year! I wonder how many others are saying the same thing?

And I said Margaret, I wonder how many parents are saying YES, thank you Railtrack, we don't have to have them this year! and that got her worried, she hadn't though of it that way round.

'Take a lover' is one of my favourite turns of phrase. turn of phrases?

Ive decided I'm going to be the old battle axe that announces in September that this year I will be coming to.......you, ds1, or 2, or 3 or dd. And send a constant email update of what I wish to eat, at what time and how it should be cooked. I will either arrive on 22 and stay until 3rd Jan or demand picking up and dropping off on Christmas Day at very inconvenient times, tut at dgc playing on games, having too many presents or eating a selection box for breakfast.
Well maybe not. Ds1 should be in the us, Ds 2 and 3 actually need to find partners first. (And moving out)

Noooo! I am 29 and HATE not being at my mums for Christmas (we alternate). It's the one argument that I had to cave on at risk of relationship collapse.