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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you'd sit in the back

73 replies

cjt110 · 18/12/2015 13:06

... We are travelling down to the ILs tonight (3 hour journey from say 6pm). DS (16m) will obv be with us. I get this anxiety/fear when we travel long distances if/when he gets upset because I cant get to him to soothe him/give him his bottle or dummy. In the past I have asked DH to pull up as soon as convenient and hopped in the back with DS. I get anxious because somtimes DS has just cried and is unsettable(?) unless I go in the back/retrieve his dummy or bottle.

For the first time we have loaded the tablet with In the Night Garden for him and have a headrest tablet holder thingamy so I am hoping this keeps him occupied.

I am asking because 1. He will hopefully be settled anyway and fall asleep, meaning I will be stuck in the back for most of the journey 2. I often feel queasy in the back of cars 3. DH says that DS just needs to learn when we are in the car, we can't always get to him immediately. This in itself causes me stress and anxiety because although I know we can't always get to him, I don't want him getting very upset.

WWYD? Our journey is mostly motorway/A road style motorways so not always easy to steop, hence DH's comment about not always being able to get to DS easily.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 15:17

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter Happy to be corrected on this - my training was a good few years ago now. I think middle is safest however, they teach fitters to fit in the passenger side so that you are usually taking/putting the child in/out from the pavement rather than road.

OP posts:
Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 18/12/2015 15:19

If they're in the middle seat you can take them out whichever side is safest though - win all around!

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 15:39

I once breastfed in that manner when stuck in a long stationary queue of traffic (talking complete standstill for more than half an hour) so I didn't have to get baby out and resettled in again, but would never do that in a moving vehicle, that's crazy. It's horrible having your baby cry, but a shh and a hand-pat lets them know they're not alone.

It is crying without some sort of comfort that is the problem, not crying in itself, and that comfort can just be the parent's voice.

NerrSnerr · 18/12/2015 17:38

I would start off in the front as I can imagine he'll fall asleep quite quickly but if it looks like he's going to be grumpy I would make a quick stop and move to the back.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 18/12/2015 17:42

No I wouldn't. Babies cry, it won't hurt them. Your DH can pull over into services when necessary.

agapimou · 18/12/2015 17:57

Yeah, I'm the moving breast feeder Blush

In my defense we rarely take car journeys so it has only happened a handful of times. Plus it was never a full on breast feeding session, literally a minute or so just to stop dd crying.

Still, that's no excuse really as a crash only takes a second. We don't live in the UK and regularly see babies only a few months old travelling in their mother's arms in the front passenger seat. I even got picked up in a taxi once where the driver's wife was sitting in the front with their young son on her knee.

I guess my standards have slipped a bit, I'll go and sit in the corner with all the other bad mothers now.

Clarella · 18/12/2015 18:39

I'd say - for long journey do back, for short journeys do the 'teaching it's ok to be in the back' bit. As my ds got older and more able to communicate and understand things, as well as play spotting games he got used to the back.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 18/12/2015 21:47

Sit in front! Def case of PFB! It won't hurt him to cry. I seriously can't believe there is training around best place for children in car :). How did we all cope prior to this?? I can't believe this was serious question!

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 22:07

In the UAE it's common for newborns to come out of hospital and be put on the dashboard of the car to be driven home (usually at speed). Hospitals are having to give car seats away to new parents and explain that it's safer. "But our parents didn't wear seat belts or put us in car seats and we're okay........."

BooOzMoo · 18/12/2015 22:16

My family are 220 miles away so my children aged 8,6&4 are used To travelling!!!
We leave at 7pm ... Kids bedtime ... They usually sleep. We wake then halfway through for food and drinks and then back on the road!
I think you are being very Pfb here!!!

Mmmmcake123 · 18/12/2015 22:22

Sit in the front, try to stop over worrying in advance, and enjoy a conversation with your partner. You can always come off the road or motorway to pull over if needed xx

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2015 22:23

"My DH won't stop for anything so we have often in the past driven on for over an hour with crying children in the back! They fell asleep eventually!"

What a complete bastard.

Puffpastry1 · 18/12/2015 22:27

Go in the front. You child is playing you like a fiddle.

Puffpastry1 · 18/12/2015 22:27

*your

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 22:46

go in front. Your child is playing you like a fiddle

Sorry, but Grin. Yes, 16 month olds are manipulative little buggers. Show him a firm hand now OP, or where will it end? Comfort them when they're upset and they'll expect it. Babies, eh? All self.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 22:55

Actually, leave the baby at home. At 16 months he should be fully self sufficient. Cheeky little sod, wanting company on a long and boring car journey. Hmm

MrsRyanGosling15 · 18/12/2015 22:58

Agapimou I'm sorry I really hope I didn't make you feel bad! It's just sometimes it seems so easy to do without realising how dangerous it can be. Sorry it's on one of my long list of pet hates that I really should keep to myself!

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 23:24

Oh didn't see your update agapimou, you're not a bad mother. People wheel out 'pfb' but it is really hard when you have a new baby, the pull to comfort them is extremely strong, as it should be. I'm sure everyone's 'guilty' of doing something instinctive with their child without thinking it all the way through.

ouryve · 18/12/2015 23:29

I sat in the back with DS1 when he was little. He just wasn't happy, otherwise, particularly while he was RF. Didn't move to the front until DS2 came along.

I've been back in the back with DS2 for the past year or so, as he has ASD and a lot of challenging (and dangerous) behaviour - DS1 is more than big enough to sit in the front - but we have a car that is actually as comfortable in the back as the front, now, so I don't care.

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/12/2015 10:16

Well I sat in the back, he watched ITNG, he was fine. Much easier journey for all round.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 21/12/2015 10:17

Oh and yes, he is my P(and will be only)FB. No harm in making him feel at ease on a long boring journey in the dark

OP posts:
SatsukiKusakabe · 21/12/2015 12:32

Pleased it went well for you cjt110

I know a lot of people with kids, and most have one sit in the back with babies if they can and have the one - I even know a couple where one still sits in the back with their only 8 year old if it's a long trip, just for company. So what? They are precious!

Krampus · 21/12/2015 12:57

cjt100 glad to hear it was a smooth journey Xmas Smile

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