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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you'd sit in the back

73 replies

cjt110 · 18/12/2015 13:06

... We are travelling down to the ILs tonight (3 hour journey from say 6pm). DS (16m) will obv be with us. I get this anxiety/fear when we travel long distances if/when he gets upset because I cant get to him to soothe him/give him his bottle or dummy. In the past I have asked DH to pull up as soon as convenient and hopped in the back with DS. I get anxious because somtimes DS has just cried and is unsettable(?) unless I go in the back/retrieve his dummy or bottle.

For the first time we have loaded the tablet with In the Night Garden for him and have a headrest tablet holder thingamy so I am hoping this keeps him occupied.

I am asking because 1. He will hopefully be settled anyway and fall asleep, meaning I will be stuck in the back for most of the journey 2. I often feel queasy in the back of cars 3. DH says that DS just needs to learn when we are in the car, we can't always get to him immediately. This in itself causes me stress and anxiety because although I know we can't always get to him, I don't want him getting very upset.

WWYD? Our journey is mostly motorway/A road style motorways so not always easy to steop, hence DH's comment about not always being able to get to DS easily.

OP posts:
cece · 18/12/2015 14:20

Sit in the front.

The DC will surely go to sleep at some point and if they cry for a bit it's not going to hurt surely?

My DH won't stop for anything so we have often in the past driven on for over an hour with crying children in the back! They fell asleep eventually!

Krampus · 18/12/2015 14:24

I get car sick in the back so I would take my turns as the driver then let my husband deal with it when an adult was needed in the back. Or:

Start off in the front and be prepared to move into the back.
Pre- agree a time scale for starting to stop when any crying starts. Say after 15 mins, then your dp starts (not ready) to look for a safe place to pull over.

I understand you get anxious but agree with your dp that your toddler needs to learn that the world doesn't stop for him everytime he cries in a car. By having a set time to start looking it gives the toddler a chance to get over it but you know that it will come to an end Smile

Both my children have been driven across Europe since they were tiny, there have been occasions that they've just had to cry, or an 8 hour journey would take 12.

Good luck, hope the traffic and driving conditions are good for you Xmas Smile

Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 14:24

cece How did you not go mad?! I must just be a softy because I cant stand him crying - I mean full on crying, not just whimpering or whinging.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 14:25

Thank god the long journey is few and far between is all I can say!

OP posts:
Krampus · 18/12/2015 14:27

Have you got travel sickness tablets, or can you get some this afternoon? If so take them early enough before you go.

Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 14:30

Sadly not Krampus I have strong mints and am in work til 430 - then quickly pack the car up when I get home, collect DS from my parents and off we go.

OP posts:
SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 14:31

When we just had the one I sat in the back. I get car sick but was fine looking out the front window mostly and still chatted to dh.

....then I had 2, and it's awful but you do have to accept you're not going to be right there immediately, but it doesn't seem quite as bad as they have their sibling to look at and talk to them in the meantime. I can still reach behind and hold a hand/stroke their head till we can pull over.

I'm also lucky in that both mine seemed to be comforted by me singing so I have done the odd lullaby from the front so they know I'm there.

Also story/nursery rhyme dcs for the car are good, easier to settle to than a screen I would imagine, might be worth having as well?

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 14:33

Just realised - my toddler is in extended rear facing which is why I can still reach them to touch in the back, obvs not possible with a regular seat.

Pidapie · 18/12/2015 14:36

We had the same problem with our little boy (happens occasionally now still, and he's 2 in March), and I would just sit in the back. Atleast then he can see I'm there, and that there is nothing to be scared of etc. If you sit in the middle and look forward, you shouldn't get car sickness :)

Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 14:39

Wondy why car sickness is more prominent in the side seats and at night? Will defo go in the back I think.

Thanks everyone for your replies

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 18/12/2015 14:39

I sat in the back with dd for long car journeys until she was about 3. I don't car sick in the back though.
I wouldn't have left dd for 60 mins plus at home upset and not comforting her so I wouldn't do it in the car.

gamerwidow · 18/12/2015 14:40

Cross post Smilegood decision .

Anotherusername1 · 18/12/2015 14:40

We drove from Hampshire to Scotland via Lancashire a few times when my son was aged between 6 months and 3 years old. He was in the back and I sat in the front. It was fine. I think he was behind the driver's seat as piglet suggests.

elf0508 · 18/12/2015 14:46

I didn't have an extended rear facing seat but I was still able to reach him in his seat if he started fussing, why can't you just do this Confused My little boy is 18 months now and is forward facing so no issues anymore

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 18/12/2015 14:48

If you had 2 children they'd entertain each other by bickering and wouldn't be alone [santa]

But they aren't really "alone" given they are about 50cm from you in the front - whoever said they couldn't understand leaving a young child "alone" in the back was being a bit of a devil's advocate - within arms reach is hardly alone.

We have 3 kids and I can pass things back to any one of them in the middle row from the front passenger seat though... I guess I twist my body more than might be absolutely ideal in the unlikely event of crashing while turning around to hand a drink or toy to a child... but if the baby is in the middle of the back seat (which is supposed to be the safest seat) surely you can reach to pass them a bottle etc?

I do remember this angst when each (especially the first) was a very small baby (I often stopped to breast feed a 2,3,4 or 5 month old in very random places so that they would then fall asleep) by 16 months most children will take things you pass them from the front seat.

Artandco · 18/12/2015 14:50

Mine still rear faced at 16 months so no couldn't take something off us.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 18/12/2015 15:00

Couldn't you pass something from the front passenger seat to a child rear facing behind the driver? We didn't have extended rear facing and I can no longer remember exactly when they turned to face the front... DD must have been at least 14 months though as she was quite little, I am pretty sure I passed her toys and sippy cups if not anything else, while she was rear facing ...

Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 15:03

See above re us not putting him behind the driver seat

Gonna sit in the back as I've said above - give me a chance to nap keep an eye on him and maybe listen to some music

OP posts:
SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 15:03

Just to clarify - I said in my post that I could reach behind to stroke dd's head, but realised that's because it's closest to me being erf ifyswim, and thought it might not be possible with a different seat. It was more in the spirit of ignore that if it doesn't apply to you than definitively saying what you can and can't do with a different seat.

My babies were huge and out of the normal rear facing before one, I know some stay in the original seat them into toddlerhood, though.

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/12/2015 15:05

I think you've made the right decision, I can't stand hearing them cry and can't do anything about it, best to avoid if you can, so stressful for everyone.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 18/12/2015 15:10

Did I just read that someone breastfeeds whilst leaning over the car seat in a moving car? If there was a crash, the full force of your body would go slamming straight down onto your baby. It's very dangerous. I would much rather listen to hysterical screaming until I could pull over somewhere safe.

poocatcherchampion · 18/12/2015 15:13

Middle seat is the safest.

All our 3 are rear facing. I'm working on the art of lobbing things back so they land on their laps having rebounded from back of seat. When my c section wound finally heals I hope to resume passing

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 18/12/2015 15:14

I'm not sure you're right about behind the front passenger seat being safest - middle of the back seat (assuming 3 seats in the back) is safest because of the danger of side impacts -

www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/news/20080507/safest-spot-for-babys-car-seat

Original poster
cjt110 · 18/12/2015 15:15

Is it me or are some middle seats so flipping tiny though?! my small (but perfectly formed, if I do say so myself) just about fits on the middle seat. One hip digging into the carseat.....

OP posts:
Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 18/12/2015 15:16

cross post poocatcher Xmas Grin - and yes exactly ryan Xmas Shock - sometimes it isn't the parent who puts themselves to the greatest possible discomfort and inconvenience who is making the best decision for their child!