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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that it is just as rude...

48 replies

LadyColinCampbell · 18/12/2015 00:47

... if not even more rude to comment on what people have left on their plates as it is to leave food that somebody has cooked for you?

I am not a picky eater, and will have a good go at anything really, but there are two places where I draw the line- creamy sauces eg carbonara (the smell of the cream makes me feel really, imminently sick) and beef (I will have a stab at it but I find the texture horrible. This may be because of my HFA and therefore unreasonable.)

If the meal is a "surprise" eg the host hasn't told you what they are cooking in advance giving you a reasonable period to back out if you really can't stomach the food, and it's a situation where they'll be offended if you say you'd rather not have any of x thing (because they might cook the best carbonara in the world, but you just don't like carbonara!) then AIBU to think that while some may think it's rude to cut up a meal and "pretend" to eat it so as not to offend

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyColinCampbell · 18/12/2015 00:48

Oops, silly create button!

AIBU to think it's just as rude to point out in front of everyone what you haven't eaten, or that you haven't eaten much.

OP posts:
whatdoIget · 18/12/2015 00:53

Yanbu. You're not being rude, but the person who commented on what you had/hadn't eaten was was it my mum?

Original poster
LadyColinCampbell · 18/12/2015 00:58

Whatdoiget- I hope not- it was DP's mum!!! Who incidentally likes to say that I'm a very precious, picky eater because she cooks disgusting acquired taste type food and I can't digest it likes you to have the same taste as her.

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 18/12/2015 01:57

According to any etiquette authority it is the height of rudeness for any hostess to comment on what a guest does or does not infest.

It is not rude to decline food. Period.

whatdoIget · 18/12/2015 02:06

Infest? Shock

ShebaShimmyShake · 18/12/2015 02:09

I'm guessing she meant 'ingest', but actually I hope that was the word she intended...

CherryPits · 18/12/2015 02:16

Commenting on other's food or lack of food, after a meal is rude. Well it might not be considered rude within say the context of a family. Mum says to kid "you didn't eat much did you?"

But to have people over, or go out do dinner and have someone connected sociably comment, that would be rude, yes.

whatdoIget · 18/12/2015 02:17

Ingest/infest/whatever. Etiquette demands that the host does not comment!

Italiangreyhound · 18/12/2015 03:21

YANBU.

It sounds like my mum! It must come from the era of rationing where turning your body into a human dustbin and ingesting food you did not want or need, or like, was more virtuous then throwing it away.

In our house we have bowls of food on the table and people serve themselves, for all but the simplest meals. It means food not taken can be suitably stored (for two days) and then eaten.

Serving yourself a lot and then not eating it is not ideal but even if that happened (which it clearly did not) then commenting on it is rude.

Although as an aside at Asian steamboat (fondue, all you can eat) style restaurants you can sometimes be fined in Singapore if you take and then do not eat!!

Must go to bed!!

nocoolnamesleft · 18/12/2015 03:29

Hmmm. It is acceptable to comment, but only in a "I'm really sorry it's not to your taste, could I get you something else?" kind of way. Very rude to comment in a "I've been slaving over a hot stove and how dare you waste it" kind of way.

Archduke · 18/12/2015 05:36

If the comment was from DPs mum why haven't you already explained that you don't like food with creamy sauces and beef?

ewanthedreamsheep · 18/12/2015 05:58

But carbonara doesn't contain cream :s

QOD · 18/12/2015 06:15

Carbonara does have cream ...

TheSkiingGardener · 18/12/2015 06:20

Good carbonara doesn't have cream.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 18/12/2015 06:24

Real carbonara certainly doesn't have cream.

I think leaving food which has been cooked for you is far ruder than commenting on it. If a certain dish makes you physically heave Hmm then surely you have the good manners to tell your host before going that you really don't like that particular food.

Jibberjabberjooo · 18/12/2015 06:27

Surely your DP's mum should know you any eat these things? Unless she doesn't really care.

Jibberjabberjooo · 18/12/2015 06:27

Don't eat any of, I mean.

maybebabybee · 18/12/2015 06:33

This topic has been done to death...

splendide · 18/12/2015 06:44

Carbonara doesn't have cream but clearly is "creamy".

splendide · 18/12/2015 06:44

Oh and yanbu

Original poster
LadyColinCampbell · 18/12/2015 08:25

Thanks for replies all. As it is I try not to leave food or to comment on others' food anyway!

Jibberjabber spot on, she knows exactly what I don't eat and tries to get me to eat it because she knows that I will try to be polite and eat it.

Thread derailment- what is the creamy boak smell if not cream?! You learn something new every day!

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 18/12/2015 08:30

Proper carbonara shouldn't have actual cream in it, only egg. Just thought I'd point that out Grin

BillBrysonsBeard · 18/12/2015 08:35

It shouldn't be commented on, it's equivalent to someone commenting on someones big portion. I think normally you would both be being unreasonable if you didn't vocalise you don't like this food, but you have!

Original poster
LadyColinCampbell · 18/12/2015 08:37

Ooh maybebabybee thank you, have just looked up a recipe. Bleurgh!

ThenLater, as a genuine question, don't you think it's rude to say to somebody in advance "make sure you don't cook x because I don't like it?" as it is, everyone who knows me knows that I don't like these foods anyway, but surely saying that is a bit entitled?

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 18/12/2015 08:47

lady if I'm cooking for guests I would generally try to find out if there is anything they don't eat, as I want people to enjoy my cooking!

I'm sort of on the fence on this issue as I think there are loads of 'picky' eaters out there (not including those with sensory issues and/or food allergies, before I get jumped on) and I don't have much time for them, but if there are just a few things you don't like and can't eat, that's totally normal and understandable.

I hate mushrooms, for example. Most things I can tolerate eating even if I don't love them, but not mushrooms.