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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a Christmas card that isn't from a 'pack of five' from close family?

192 replies

SurferJet · 17/12/2015 12:05

I know cards can be expensive, but it's only once a year & I'd like to think I'm getting a card that's had a bit more thought behind it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GnomePhone · 17/12/2015 12:16

I wouldn't in a million years buy a card that said 'to a special couple'. Doesn't mean I hate everyone in my family Xmas Grin

Branleuse · 17/12/2015 12:16

i can tell you now, that most people would not give a shiny shit whether you got them a personalised card.

My mum spends extra on personalised cards, and I really really dont get the point. I barely even look at cards. I wish people didnt bother, and certainly not spend more than they have to

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/12/2015 12:16

You're over thinking this.

Individual cards are bloody dear, they go in the bin afterwards anyway so a waste of money.

haggisaggis · 17/12/2015 12:17

I buy a pack of 30 for friends & neighbours and a pack of 5 for close family - only ones who get individual cards are dh and the dc. My sil sends these "to a dear sister-in law" type cards out - but they're always too gushy for me. I think the ones in packs tend to be nicer.

TheWitTank · 17/12/2015 12:18

This is awful, but there is a pile of unopened cards on my kitchen table Blush. They never get put up and just sit in a stack forgotten about until after Christmas when they get recycled. Such a waste of time and money.

Pigeonpost · 17/12/2015 12:18

Oh dear. Are you the sort of person who buys those cards which say "to my son and his girlfriend" and every other possible permutation of family life? Not my bag at all. YAB(V)U.

Tuiles · 17/12/2015 12:20

I send cards (multipack but designed by DCs via school) to those friends and relatives that we think of but don't see at Xmas. Close family who we spend Xmas day with do NOT get cards.

DHs family on the other hand, who all see each other on at least one of the days over Xmas all post cards to each other - madness!

Original poster
SurferJet · 17/12/2015 12:21

But I care about these things.
I like to put a bit of thought into cards I send, especially to people who matter to me. So yes, I feel really disappointed when I get a card the milkman probably got too.
I'd rather not get one at all.

OP posts:
IfItIsntOkItIsntTheEnd · 17/12/2015 12:22

Huh? Yanbvu! I have seen individual cards in shops and wondered who on earth would waste money on them? All cards sent & received here are from a pack of at least 20

expatinscotland · 17/12/2015 12:22

YABU and petty and ridiculous.

Looserella · 17/12/2015 12:23

I don't like those ones with the relationship plastered across the front. I hate the poems as they seem to me really insincere because they're written by someone else. I always wondered who bought them. My MIL does and explained to me that the words inside convey her feelings better than she could do herself. Fair enough but they still make me boak.

christmascracker2015 · 17/12/2015 12:23

I have to buy named ones for my parents but I only do it because they expect it. I don't love and care for them in the same way I do other people who get ones out of the packs. I do it as I am obliged to.

GnomePhone · 17/12/2015 12:25

OP - it should be pretty evident from this thread that there are plenty of people who don't measure how much they care about someone by the fanciness of the Christmas card they send them. It really just isn't a reliable indication and isn't worth even thinking about, let alone feeling let down about.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/12/2015 12:25

Never expect people to live by your ideals. You will only ever be disappointed. You love your sister enough to by her a special card, but not enough to let her be the individual person that she is?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/12/2015 12:26

They're important to you but not as important to others, you can't make others think like you.

christmascracker2015 · 17/12/2015 12:26

My parents have to get people the named cards, as similarly to the above posters think it conveys their feelings. I wish they were able to be kinder on a day to day basis to people though. I got them the named card but am now avoiding them for the rest of the xmas season!

roaringfire · 17/12/2015 12:26

YABU. And precious.

OfficeGirl1969 · 17/12/2015 12:27

I only buy special individual cards for OH (I generally try and get something stupid/rude/funny. Everyone else gets the cheapest cards I can find, it's not about the cost of the card but the thought that goes with it, and I always write a few personal lines in them, especially for folks we rarely see.

OH and his best friend have had a competition going for years, looking for the worst, cheapest and tackiest cards they can find for each other. They have collected some belters over the years!

But other than that it's always cheap and cheerful packs. It bears no reflection on my feelings towards the person I'm sending them to!

Pootles2010 · 17/12/2015 12:27

Oh my god are you my IL's? Every year we get a feckin book of a card from them, telling us how special we are to them - our last visit was binned off by her due to 'getting her nails done' Hmm

Love is not measured by what card you send.

SettlinginNicely · 17/12/2015 12:28

OP, you sound like hard work.

Most of my family don't even send cards anymore. Just round robin emails.

Count yourself lucky!

ps. I find the named, "To my sister..." variety of cards a little insipid.

Euripidesralph · 17/12/2015 12:28

Sorry op but yabu... you Ightfield care but doesn't mean other people do and to be honest I think it puts unnecessary pressure

It's your choice to send those to people and a bit entitled to expect others to send them to you

Plus it's extra expense that people may not feel able to send... can't you just appreciate the thought in sending you a card without making it some status hierarchy thing?

Blacktealeaves · 17/12/2015 12:28

Yabu. I don't send any cards any more. Family get presents which is surely better?

Chopchopbusybusy · 17/12/2015 12:29

I have never bought an individual Christmas card for anyone - ever! DH does buy them for his Mum, siblings and nephew and that's up him. I think it's a waste of money though.

Blacktealeaves · 17/12/2015 12:29

I hate cards that say what relation you are to the other person. I know I'm your sister/ niece/ whatever. But I admit that is irrational.

lostinmiddlemarch · 17/12/2015 12:30

YAB very, very U and ridiculous. Personalised cards were dreamt up by businesses to make more money. It's nice of you to buy into that for your family but there is no reason why another person should feel obliged to line the business's pocket in that way.