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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would it be dreadful to do an audit of who sent us Christmas cards this year...

109 replies

CruCru · 16/12/2015 14:10

...and then next year only send them to people who send them to us? I send about 100 cards and it takes up quite a lot of time (and cost). There are people who I know haven't got round to it (just moved house, new baby etc) which is fair enough but I'm sure that I send cards year after year to people who don't send me one.

I must point out that I love doing cards but I only want to send cards to people who enjoy getting them. I assume that people who choose not to send cards don't care very much whether they receive them.

I've never gone through the Christmas cards before because I don't think it is Quite In The Spirit Of Christmas but perhaps it is time.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 17/12/2015 08:24

Domino, you are being ironic about emails being environmentally friendly - arent you?

Krampus · 17/12/2015 11:45

Something about Chistmas Cards is on the Wright Stuff tomorrow. How surprising.

Original poster

CruCru · 17/12/2015 14:22

Oh ha how funny. Although I suppose it is that time of year.

OP posts:

gasman · 17/12/2015 14:37

noodle I made my grandfather's list this year into a contact list and horrified my aunt by commenting is was worth the effort as when he dies we can just print another set of labels and send out his death notification.....

GertyBoo · 17/12/2015 14:40

YANBU. Sounds like a good idea considering postage is so expensive.

Wagglebees · 17/12/2015 17:53

Wright Stuff researchers love a bit of AIBU reading.

Whatsername24 · 17/12/2015 22:26

Crap! Mailed all of mine on Tuesday and today we've had two in the post from people that we never normally send to (friend of husband, and husband's nephew and his fiancee).
If I send one to this nephew I'll then feel obliged to send to his two brothers and girlfriends too.

AliceInUnderpants · 17/12/2015 22:28

I keep a spreadsheet that gets updated every year to say if I've sent, and/or received.

backinthebox · 17/12/2015 22:35

Spreadsheets! Wow.

juneau · 17/12/2015 22:42

I keep a list in my phone, which gets updated each year. I loathe sending Christmas cards, but my family are a dedicated card-sending bunch and they would seriously take it amiss if I just stopped, much though I'd love to. This year has so far been a very poor haul though, apart from my DC, who've received loads from all their school friends who they see every damn day. The ones I like to receive are the American ones, because they all have photos on and I like to see what everyone looks like - particularly the kids as they grow up.

AliceInUnderpants · 17/12/2015 23:11

I have little energy, so plenty of time.

PeasOnEarth · 18/12/2015 02:34

Time is what you make of it. I have spent nights on call on labour wards making cards - it's about priority, and it is mine, because for the time I am making and writing a card to someone I am thinking of them. I think you just need to own it if it isn't yours.

My list was never all that long, maybe 60ish. I make at least 1/2. I get less back, and less in terms of gifts too. That's ok - it's an observation not a criticism and I give without obligation. I get mildly wound up sometimes by people who make sweeping 'my life is too busy to send cards' statements as I feel judged. But I think we all can at Christmas, and it's fine to have to make the best decision we can at the time.

Personally OP I'd find something else to cut back on, unless things are really really tight, or friends express their dislike of cards like some on here.

IDismyname · 18/12/2015 03:59

Someone told me that she divided her Christmas card list into 2 - alphabetically. Then she sent the fist half of contacts a card on year one, then the second half of contacts on year 2.
It's halves the cost of your outgoings and time, but still keeps you in the 3 year loop that some of you seem to have!

BlueMoonRising · 18/12/2015 06:48

I haven't sent cards for years, and I see more and more people doing the same, and announcing it on Facebook.

I don't understand why some people get so caught up with what started purely as a way for card manufacturers to make money that they think it's rude not to play the game. I think it's ruder to take offence at someone's clearly thought out decision for a reason (financial, ethical, whatever). But whatever. I like the fact that people are rebelling against what is the generally accepted thing to do because in this case the generally accepted thing to do is, IMO, daft.

I have nothing against people that enjoy sending and receiving cards. If they have something against people that don't, that's their issue, not mine.

But - if you don't enjoy sending and receiving cards maybe it's time to think about why you do it and if those reasons are important enough to keep doing it. Every individual has to make that choice for themselves.

Op, in case it's not clear, yanbu. Send as many or as few cards as you wish.

jellyfrizz · 18/12/2015 06:52

Peaceonearth, that's not making time - that's using work time!

Cotto · 18/12/2015 07:55

Ill own it Peas
I cant be bothered !
Waste of time, money and resources.

PeasOnEarth · 18/12/2015 11:14

jelly yes I guess so. The key being in the on call thing though - I would and did drop everything the minute I was needed. Others might have slept, or read, or surfed the (work's) Internet.

Original poster

CruCru · 18/12/2015 14:00

Well, I think I will have a quick flick through. I'm still going to keep sending cards but I think I'm sending quite a few to people I haven't seen for years. I still think fondly of them but if they have moved on then it's probably time to stop sending them to them.

OP posts:

schokolade · 18/12/2015 17:42

Am genuinely amazed at Christmas card spreadsheets not a bad idea, but fuck me, where do people get the time?!

Wagglebees · 18/12/2015 22:16

A couple of ticks against a list that you made years ago and dug out with decorations takes all of an extra second per person.

Not that I do a spreadsheet.

I am slightly irritated with myself for giving in and doing them this year when I said I wouldn't. Pressure only from myself. I've never missed a year. This year they were really nice ones with glitter and ribbons etc. And a lot of people just haven't bothered for the first time ever. I wonder why we've all got fed up of them at the same time. Did a memo go round and I missed it?

Benzalkonium · 18/12/2015 22:44

Xmas cards are a great way of getting pen to paper and writing a note to distant friends. You know, the ones who when you do see them, it's like no time passed at all. I think if you feel ambivalent about sending cards to people, what does that say about your friendship?
Some years I send more, some years I send less, depending on how into it I get, but I enjoy sending them, and hopefully reminding g my friends that when we do eventually get together, it will be like no time passed....

BlueMoonRising · 19/12/2015 17:09

I really don't see that there is a correlation between friendship and card sending. The years you send less, do your friendships suffer?

bigbadbarry · 19/12/2015 17:11

We keep last year's cards and use that as the basis for writing them the following year. There is always a bit of deviating - extras get added or some people left off for whatever reason - but it's a good starting point.

foxessoxes · 19/12/2015 20:29

This is the problem.

I started sending cards 2 years ago. Some of the people didnt send one back, but sent me one last year and I didnt send them one last year because they hadnt sent me one the year before. Same has happened this year.

Last night I posted on facebook thanking everyone for their cards, and that this year will be the last year im doing them and insted the money will go to charity.

I send 34 cards this years at the cost of over £20. When i factor in the cost of the card, it probably cost me a £1 a go for something that is read, hung up for a few weeks and thrown away.

chocomochi · 19/12/2015 20:36

I used to send one every year to my friends who don't live close by (roughly 30-40 cards), but would only receive 10 in return. Felt sad as they didn't make an effort or even acknowledge my cards. Like previous posters, just stopped sending after 2-3 years of this, and this year my list has significantly shrunk to around 10 posted cards.

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