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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being treated unfairly by accomodation staff.

83 replies

mamapoppins23 · 16/12/2015 13:51

I wasn't sure where to put this, but I would really like some advise on my current situation. I'm very tempted to put in a letter of complaint to the organisation that runs my supported accommodation about the staff. To explain my situation further, here we go. Last year I suffered a nervous breakdown, due to family problems and poor mental health. My breakdown resulted in a house fire, and I was housed suitably in supported accommodation. Gradually with time, I started to get a lot better and more confident and have come on milestones in terms of recovery.

Staff at first needed to encourage me to just get out of bed and leave the property, but now I feel like they are being pedantic and petty. It is a shared house, however I don't feel like I'm being treated fairly by my 'carers' (said in inverted commas for sarcasm).
Fast forward to now, I still live in the property, but have moved on considerably. Although I am not working, I am in full-time education studying for a foundation degree, and volunteering on a weekly basis at a local woman's refuge. As well as this, I am very happily in a stable relationship, have gained many new friends in the last year, and 10 weeks pregnant. I still suffer sometimes with anxiety but I deal much better now.

Staff have recognised this, and I doubt very much I would be where I am now without their initial support, but they are getting ridiculous.
They know how horribly busy I am, (you know having a life) and are picking at me for the pettiest of things.
Most recent example, my support worker this morning drove me to tears
"I could of throttled you on Saturday because I had to deal with your laundry"
Saturday, she instructed me to sort out my washing (I am 23 not a child), did so, knowing that I was leaving to visit my boyfriend on the weekend. Because I left the laundry in the tumble dryer or washing machine, apparently she had to sort it out. I've lived communally before, and usually the next person just takes it out. I thought it was just common sense. Confused

Guaranteed, completely unprofessional and am very confused about how that comes under supporting me. I usually like this worker, so I was very upset about what she said to me this morning. I understand I share this accommodation, but they pick on me for the littlest of things, and can be very intrusive. I've been late for my lectures because they've asked me to wash dishes, when they know I have to leave in five minutes. Angry

I do understand how to do chores, and how to not live like a pig, but they expect unreasonable standards constantly.
I generally keep quite well on top of my room, and it's gotten to the point now where I just stay in my room in the week and avoid going home. I have no privacy.

Other clear examples were just blatantly treating me like a child. I was cooking a meal for me and friend, staff were leaving. As I was dishing out the food for me and my friend, very very partronisingly said to me a member of staff piped up:
"And you're going to wash all the dishes up like a GOOD GIRL now, aren't you H?" My friend struggled not to say something to this woman.

I can think of a hundred of other examples.

Before I got pregnant, when they found out I was in a relationship, they immediately started asking if we were using contraception. They even wrote down in their house diary of when my period was due and invited themselves to my doctors appointments. I found this really uncomfortable and inappropriate.

I know I'm fairly early in my pregnancy, and my hormones are not helping. It's stressing me out where I'm living, and despite the staff tell me I'm ready to move on, are doing next to nothing to speed up the process. The worst bit is when they comment on how hard it's going to be to have a baby. Like no shit, Sherlock. As if I wasn't aware of how hard it was going to be. It's a learning curve for anyone.

Apparently I'm eligible for a council house, but they only get serious after I'm about 20 weeks, and usually it takes longer than that. My partner and I are looking at houses privately, but they're so much more expensive, especially when we're both in work.

AIBU to write a complaint letter about the staff? And if I'm not, am unsure how to go about it.

Thanks for reading,
H

OP posts:
DonKeyshot · 01/12/2019 01:56

Yet another ZOMBIE THREAD

This one is from 2015!

ZOMBIE THREAD

Mjlp · 01/12/2019 02:11

@MamaChels

I think men often say they don't see their children by choice and it's often not true. It doesn't sound like he wants to be a dad, so I think you probably will be doing it alone. How is he with your older child? How did things work out for you and your older child? Were you bringing up that child on your own before you met him? If so, you can do it again. If not, you can still be a good mum on your own Flowers

Interestedwoman · 01/12/2019 02:12

Firstly, well done for how far you've come. xxxx

You can complain, but the thing is, they deal with, as you know, people with varying support needs. For some people, they would need this amount of 'nagging,' although 'good girl' isn't really suitable language for an adult- you could complain about that bit. Women with severe mental health problems being on contraception if they aren't well enough to cope with relationships (could even be sexually exploited etc) or with pregnancy, parenting etc is very important indeed, as you can imagine. They would be bing negligent if they didn't try and ensure this for vulnerable women.

Communal living means that people have to follow quite regimented standards of housework etc. They also have to bother with things like health and safety, and other stuff we wouldn't necessarily bother as much about in our own homes. I lived in a half way house for a few weeks, and they said my untidy bedroom was a 'fire hazard.' :) I was also shit with the money they gave us for food etc, and ended up owing them money.:) I didn't get on with staying there really.

This 'chafing at the bit' to leave is a good sign, as it means you're getting even better and feel ready to move on with your life. Hang on in there- eventually you'll get out! xxxxx The extra time will also give you chance to cement your recovery. Hugs xxxxx

Nojustyou · 01/12/2019 02:14

Good grief, I have been on this forum for far too long, I remember that thread!

Nojustyou · 01/12/2019 02:15

can't for the life of me remember what my username could have been though Grin

Interestedwoman · 01/12/2019 02:16

Just spotted it's a zombie thread. I wonder how the OP's life panned out. @mamapoppins23 are you around?

DonKeyshot · 01/12/2019 03:17

It never ceases to amaze me how mumsnetters can simply add their own contribution without at least reading the responses that immediately predate theirs. Confused

So, here we go again - this time using the law of three ZOMBIE THREAD ZOMBIE THREAD* ZOMBIE THREAD

Butchyrestingface · 01/12/2019 03:30

Good grief, I have been on this forum for far too long, I remember that thread!

So do I. I was reading along thinking, can’t the trolls come up with new material? Then noticed the date. Blush

I remember it right down to the clothes in the washing machine.

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