To decline this invitation for Christmas lunch

[cantaffordsmokedsalmon]

A school mum has invited me to join them and I know she means well but it's in that really pushy 'won't take no for an answer way!'

I don't want to go! Can't afford presents for her or her children and can't really afford a bottle of wine. Plus I hate turkey. And it's just the embarrassment of it all!

How do you decline? I know I shouldn't have opened my mouth but I have and I need to wriggle out of it now.

I agree with hesterton

Hesterton has it.

And just keep repeating, right? thanks! You know how people get when they are lovely but pushy ...?

Sorry, I would love to come, but I have to take a neighbour/relative/random stranger for a very important hospital appointment.

I hope you have a lovely time anyway.

Unfortunately I don't think the important appointment would wash on Christmas Day!

'How kind, but I've already made plans, do enjoy your day though'

No, don't lie about mythical appointments or anything like that. That just digs you in deeper ("Oh, anything I can do?" etc.).

Go with hesterton's advice.

I am on my own for the first time in my life and actually really looking forward to it, those chocs and films and don't have to do fuck all in the kitchen

That's the joy of text and email. You can avoid face-to-face. Say no thanks and maybe Hesterton's line. don't lie.

It's a school mum, so I see her most days

Can't you just go down the obvious route and say you're having Christmas lunch with your own family?

Or "I've already got plans"?

Unless you already told her you had no plans/were alone. In which case, go with Hesterton's.

Yes this is the problem! It's my own fault for moaning saying I wasn't looking forward to it!

Good thinking!

If you've said you weren't looking forward to it, I wouldn't backtrack and say that you are. It looks insincere. Just thank her but say you've arranged to have it on your own and wish her a lovely day.

Tell her that while you aren't looking forward to being alone, being with another family would actually make you feel worse rather than better.
I'm presuming you either haven't family to be with, or won't be able to be with them on the day for some reason, and I know I'd find it harder to be with another family, however welcoming, whilst missing my own.

That is how I feel as well potoftea!

I will borrow hesterton's post!

Just say you have something else.

Bear in mind she may just be being polite by asking you.

Yup, actually just text Hesterton's lie.

Probably but she's being very insistent and it's embarrassing as I'm helplessly squeaking 'no no, honestly ...' and she's booming that she won't HEAR of me being alone!

She is probably being pushy because she knows that most Brits would be reticent to accept this invitation for fear of intruding, even if they really wanted to come. So she thinks that you are saying no because you are being polite.

Is it really embarrassing though? If I invited someone I would certainly not care if they turned up withoit wine or presents - I've been to a friend's house for Christmas before and it was lovely. Firmness is the only way to decline though: 'I'm sorry you caught me in a bad mood, we love having Christmas on our own but thanks for the kind invitation'.

She won't care but I would and would feel like even more of a charity case.