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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To rip her hair out?! Arggggghhh

60 replies

Zola1980 · 15/12/2015 08:59

I sit next to a girl at work with very long straggly curly hair. She is constantly sat there inspecting the ends, raking her fingers through it, biting the split ends off, sniffing it(!) and generally making me puke by pulling strands out and putting them on floor/bin whatever is closer.

She's a lovely girl but I just can't block her out of my view! My day is instantly better when she comes in with her hair up and out of the way!

Is it just me being intolerant or should I say something before I go mad?!?

OP posts:
LonestarStateOfMind · 15/12/2015 11:02

Oh no, I do this, (the inspecting, not the biting or sniffing) I am not even aware most of the time that I am doing it! Sometimes my mum will point it out to me and I try not too. What nobody knows is I spend an hour everyday doing the frenzied hair plucking from my head/arms/legs. I suspect I have trichotillomania,i always feel better afterwards. I'm sorry this annoys you but I don't know what you should do, I'd be mortified if a colleague mentioned it but equally mortified that they felt so annoyed with me they secretly wanted to rip my hair out. Sorry probably not helpful.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 11:03

Shema, Shemba, whateverthefuck your name is, I find your twattery disturbing. I'm sure that post sounded REALLY COOL in your head, but trust me, it's not.

If you think you can definitely diagnose someone over the internet, you're an idiot. Yes, it SOUNDS like it could be Trichotilliomania. But not every instance of swearing is Tourettes, and not every emotional outburst is an Aspergers meltdown.

It is possible that she has a gross habit of playing with / pulling out her hair. It's also possible it's Trichotilliomania. But to state categorically that it is definitely Trichotilliomania is overstating your own powers of armchair diagnosis. Which is all I was saying. Just off your high horse and get your lightsaber out of your ass.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/12/2015 13:22

It's Sheba, Darth, and it's a very simple word, simpler than Wookieeism even. (Why, by the way, are you using your inability to copy paste two syllables as an implication that I'm the idiot?)

Trichotillomania is a recognised, though little known, OCD condition that is indeed diagnosed by behaviours such as pulling, chewing, biting, playing with and even eating hair and its roots. (And sufferers' hair is often long and straggly because they're too embarrassed to go to the hairdresser for fear of being derided for their 'gross habit'.) This woman has trich. It is clear to anyone who knows about the condition (I do), and as I said, the only voice that should be silenced in a discussion about it is a rather hateful one who didn't even know it existed until a couple of hours ago, which would definitely include yours. Habit is indeed often formed around OCD and addiction, but true addictive urge still remains under that and usually needs therapy to be managed. Again, most people are capable of realising this.

Is trich disgusting? Yes. So is inducing vomiting, but we do mostly understand that bulimia is a real medical condition.

And most of us also understand that we are not familiar with every condition in the medical dictionary. So when someone who has many years of experience with one that's new to us explains what these symptoms do in fact diagnose, most of us would have the decency, even if we don't have the intelligence, to accept that it is a little more complicated than just a 'gross habit'.

Then again, most of us are not Sith Lords unable to learn two-syllable names, so perhaps I am indeed expecting too much of you. Are you going to get over yourself and try to use your new knowledge to better yourself? Do, or do not. There is no try.

StoptheRavelry · 15/12/2015 14:01

Horrible unnecessary and violent thread title.

YABU just for that. We all have to sit near to people we don't particularly like from time to time.

Deal with it.

Zola1980 · 15/12/2015 14:15

FFS the title was clearly a joke.

OP posts:
StoptheRavelry · 15/12/2015 14:16

Yes that was obvious. It's just a crap and horrible joke.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:21

Sheba, logic is clearly escaping you so I won't engage with you any further. I'd swear at you but you'd assume I have Tourettes, since everyone who swears clearly has Tourettes, just as everyone who plays with / bites / pulls out their hair DEFINITELY DEFINITELY has Trichotillomania.

Go watch the new Star Wars and try to chill out. (By the way, my DH quote SW to each other all the time. HOW COOL ARE WE? SO FUCKING COOL. We also quote Star Trek to each other at completely irrelevant times too. We practically have orgasms over how fucking cool and nerdy we are.)

Zola1980 · 15/12/2015 14:21

Well I'm delighted you have nothing better to do than comment on it then.

OP posts:
perrita · 15/12/2015 14:42

I mess with my hair at work sometimes, it's when I'm bored and it's worse if I have my hair down. I don't understand why everything has to have a medical condition attached to it. Okay for some people it might go beyond a bad habit to a disease, but I doubt that every person who fiddles with their hair has this condition. I just like to snap off split ends when I see them, it's very satisfying Grin

I wouldn't be offended if someone said something about it, as long as they weren't nasty about it. my best friend hates other people's hair and tells me I'm gross if I do it in front of her.

Zola1980 · 15/12/2015 14:46

Thank you perrita; voice of reason :)

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 14:52

I don't understand why everything has to have a medical condition attached to it.

THANK YOU!

I absolutely understand floating it as a possibility, but stating it as fact is very misguided.

I know on MN that every behaviour is apparently explainable by a rare and debilitating medical condition, but in the real world, sometimes people can occasionally just be rude, or gross, or unhygienic. If a person had this condition, it would still be "a gross habit", but I would be understanding that they were struggling to help it. Wouldn't stop it being gross, any more than yelling "cunt tosser wankbadger" on a crowded bus is antisocial - but if it was caused by Tourettes, it's understandable. This belief that antisocial behaviour stops being antisocial because there's a medical condition underlying it is daft and reductive. But no one is allowed to be offended by anything that has an underlying medial condition, even though it's in our human nature to be disgusted. You can be disgusted AND yet understanding. They aren't 2 mutually exclusive states.

DickDewy · 15/12/2015 14:58

Only on MN! I knew the PO brigade would take offence at your thread title. Perhaps you should have put 'triggering' or 'lighthearted' Hmm

I used to inspect the ends of my hair, until 40 something long sightedness kicked in and now I can't focus on them!

The biting the ends off thing would drive me potty (sorry to everyone that is offended by the use of potty Hmm.

LaurieLemons · 15/12/2015 15:01

Other than sending her a polite, anonymous email I don't see what else you could do without coming off really crazy and rude Confused. She must knows she does it, even if it's just a bad habit. Maybe just suggest she just wears her hair up in this anonymous email!

LaurieLemons · 15/12/2015 15:02

Well said goodnightdarthvader

Diddlydokey · 15/12/2015 15:06

Can you raise it with HR? Get them to ask that all women with hair long enough to tie up, do so?

I would find the biting of the split ends pretty nauseatng

MaxPepsi · 15/12/2015 15:10

Well I thought this thread was going to be about nits Grin

My friend worked with a hair faffer. She was just a pita by all accounts who used it to flirt unashamedly with the men in the office!
Blokes out? Got tied back out of the way for a bit. Blokes back in? Faffing central!

Sorry, not really sure what that adds to the debate!

Zola1980 · 15/12/2015 15:12

Darth Vader is summing up my thoughts much more eloquently!
That's a sentence I never thought I'd say!

OP posts:
Dipankrispaneven · 15/12/2015 15:29

Could you talk to HR about getting a screen between your desks, or turning yours around so you don't see her?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 15:29

Thanks Zola and Laurie.

I'm sure certain posters will be back to stubbornly shout me down (and quote Star Wars at me for some obscure reason relating to my username), but I find logic seems to be lacking on some topics on MN.

ShebaShimmyShake · 15/12/2015 18:32

Not everything has to have a medical condition, but some things are medical conditions, and trich is one of them. It's not for people who had never heard of the condition until this morning to decide that it doesn't exist simply because they don't like it.

Anonymous emails won't help. If you heard someone puking in the toilets every day after lunch and guessed that they had bulimia, it wouldn't help them to receive anonymous notes about it.

It's a pity OP's ignorance is now wilful, but sufferers of trich and other conditions are very used to that. If it makes you feel any better, OP, it's much worse to have trich than to witness it.

Sufferers can't choose not to have it, but you can choose your attitude, and your choices show what you are. Trichotillomania exists, this woman has it, you don't have to like it but you can at least try to be a little kinder about it now that you know what it is. If you would rather add to the ignorance surrounding it, well, nobody can stop you and you're in enormous company, but personally I'd rather have OCD than a compassion/intelligence bypass.

But I would rather like a light sabre. Let me know where I can pick up one of those.

VodkaValiumLattePlease · 15/12/2015 18:55

I have trich and its sounds pretty similar tbh, I don't pull my hair out in front of people though.

I do twist, twirl, flick, bite and run my hair over my lips I can't help it.

One colleague has openly complained about it before, he quickly got told to stop bloody looking at me and get on with his work.

💁💁💁

rememberingalittle · 15/12/2015 18:58

Sheba, people are not disagreeing with you that there is a medical condition that this woman MIGHT have. They are disagreeing with your unequivocal diagnosis of a serious mental health issue from a few lines posted by someone who is seriously annoyed with a colleague who is being gross

Your inability to accept that you don't know the OP or her colleague and have no ability to diagnose conditions is incredibly frustrating.

Yes, the colleague MIGHT be suffering. The OP still needs some helpful responses in how to deal with this situation with compassion (no matter whether the woman has or has not got any condition) and without resorting to ripping her head off.

Light sabres are available in Asda I'm sure.

KakiFruit · 15/12/2015 19:13

Please don't send an anonymous email. She doesn't deserve to have to be ashamed AND worry which one of her colleagues has been having these thoughts about her.

I think you need to change your own behaviour so this no longer bothers you, not bring this up with her. Dipankrispaneven has very practical suggestions.

LemonySmithit · 15/12/2015 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zola1980 · 15/12/2015 19:18

Bloody hell I clearly opened a can of worms. And please don't use ignorant as an insult. Yes I wasn't aware there was a known medical condition but I'm pretty sure there's some out there that you are not an expert in!?

And like others have said, whether it's a medical condition or not it is still bloody off putting and distracting!
Yes I may be slightly more tolerant as a result but will still sit there silently seething!

OP posts:
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