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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if I'm in floods of tears every Sun night it's probably time to look for a new job?

56 replies

redlorryyellowlolly · 14/12/2015 09:23

For the last 6 weeks, maybe more, I've been in tears every Sunday without exception. I've not consciously thought it was work related, but the 'actual' reasons are not things I'd normally get upset about.

I have hated work before. Once in a previous job I loathed it so much I considered throwing myself down the stairs to break a leg and get a few weeks off. I didn't do it in the end (too scared) but I thought about it a lot.

The place I work is awful. I constantly feel I'm treated like shit - I'm really quite senior yet this morning as I arrived at 9.01 I heard 2 members of staff laughing 'haha lets mark Red in the late book'.

And yes there is a late book, unbelievably.

I have so much to do at home, loads to do at work, yet no interest in it. I wasted hours yesterday crying over an argument I'd had with my DC when I think actually what was upsetting me was coming back to this nonsense today. I feel overwhelmed by everything at the moment.

OP posts:
ValiantMouse · 14/12/2015 09:27

If you hate it that much then yes, time to move on.

Sighing · 14/12/2015 09:28

Flowers it sounds like a horrid working environment. The dort of dept that has a late book is doing people management in a very public shaming over encouraging dedication and compromise. They also set people against each other like that. The trouble is, bad leadership takes time (more than recruitment) to uduslly spot.
Do look to move on, work is such a large part of life.

LittleCandle · 14/12/2015 09:29

Definitely sounds like time to move on. Good luck in your job search!

FishWithABicycle · 14/12/2015 09:30

Yanbu.
Yes time to dust off the cv and start applying for stuff.

BondJayneBond · 14/12/2015 09:33

YANBU.

Good luck in your job hunt.

kissmethere · 14/12/2015 09:37

It's the dreaded Sunday feeling of the week back at work and school and you're not alone.
It's time to focas on moving on and change your job. Do it for your sanity.

Original poster
redlorryyellowlolly · 14/12/2015 10:00

What worries me is whether I'll find anything. There's so little in my field at senior level as most cos promote from within.

I also have to give 3 months notice. It's tempting to hand it in now, but I don't know how long it will take to find something else.

OP posts:
ChristmasTurkey2015 · 14/12/2015 10:05

Go. When you get a new job, go to your current employer and explain the bullying has and continues to make you I'll, so please coulld they release you early so you can take a long vacation to recover from their toxic work environment. If they say yes, do it!

PurplePoppy17 · 14/12/2015 10:10

Life is what you make it. If your are unhappy then it's time to do something about it. Good luck!!

LonestarStateOfMind · 14/12/2015 10:32

Definitely time to leave. Good luck op, hope you find something else quickly.

I am in a similar position, situation at work is unbearable, my qualifications are quite specialist and I am crying everyday. I feel trapped. I am miserable at home and then I feel guilty about that too. You are not alone.

Alicewasinwonderland · 14/12/2015 10:41

No, don't leave just yet. HOWEVER, polish your CV, and start seriously looking for another job NOW. Take your time to find something good, there's no point rushing into another bad one. (not forgetting your 3 months notice).

Once you are actively looking for something else, you gain a bit of distance from your current role, you feel less trapped and you can put up with it a bit longer. Good luck, you will find something!

Oldraver · 14/12/2015 10:47

Yes this was me. I had phoned in sick on a Sunday night (as I could leave a message on the answer machine and not have to talk to my supervisor and listen to her snideyness) and burst into tears when a friend said if it was bothering me this much it was time to leave.

I went into work on the Tuesday, supervisor huffed off when she saw me, but this meant I could clear my belongings without her seeing me and I just walked out. I have never regretted it.

I was lucky I didnt need to work (if I cut my cloth) but I do agree its best to look for a new job before you leave

whois · 14/12/2015 11:05

Yes. If you are feeling this stressed/upset by work its not a healthy place for you to be.

TheoriginalLEM · 14/12/2015 11:30

Please leave - seriously, i tried to hang on in a job when i was in tears every Sunday. In the end i had to leave because i had a nervous breakdown. Don't do it to yourself, no job is worth it.

Alicewasinwonderland · 14/12/2015 11:41

Recruitment agencies will be flooded with CVs in early or mid January, when people start their New Year resolutions.

Now is a great time to put yours forward, when things are more quiet. Not only are employers are still looking anyway, but recruiters have a lot more time for you. It mustn't stop you from being in touch in January of course.

ProfessorPreciseaBug · 14/12/2015 11:43

I have worn your shoes... (and they hurt!!!). I was stuck in a job with bullying management. In the end it changed when Imsaw my GP who signed me off work for a month. In the end it turned into six months. I was lucky in that it was a public sector job and I got vety good sick pay. But it was the menagement who were making me ill!

Do you have a partner to hold your hand and look after the income? If so, discuss with them and put in an official greivance. And be prepared to leave.

I rerally do wish you luck. I remember how horrid it was.
Bug hugs...

ImperialBlether · 14/12/2015 11:46

I think some help from the doctor would be useful. Unless you're independently wealthy I wouldn't advise you leave your job without one to go to, especially if you work in a niche area.

Drew64 · 14/12/2015 11:49

I often feel like this in the mornings and particularly Monday mornings.
I've been known to be weepy all the way to work.

Like you I'm hating my job at the moment and saying "leave and get yourself another job" isn't really helpful. Jobs paying the salary I'm earning (and have become used to) and in my kind of position are few and far between. It does not help that I am 51 either as employers look at recruiting graduates over and above professionals in my business.

16 years ago we decided that my DW would be a SAHM, a joint decision that we were both happy with however over the last few years I have felt an enormous amount of pressure from being the sole earner.

Recently my DW has been working on a temporary contract and the job she is doing came up as a permanent vacancy. She applied for it and we were both hopeful that they would offer her the job as she has been doing it for the last 6 months. I also began to feel a sense of relief with another salary (no matter how small) coming in. If the company offered her this job it wouldn't be just me providing and if things did go wrong we would still have a salary coming in.

Sadly she did not get the job and we are now, after Christmas, back to square one with me being the sole earner.
Again, I'm beginning to feel that pressure to provide for my family.

So I'm stuck, In a job I hate, working with people I don't like.

Time to man up, suck it up and get on with it!

HermioneWeasley · 14/12/2015 11:53

Another vote for life being too short to work in a job you hate. Make a plan - the market usually picks up in the second half of jan - who are your industry's agencies, what networking events are there, who do you know in your field in other companies, is your LinkedIn profile up to date, do you have any opportunities to publish articles (you can always do this on your LinkedIn Page if nothing else), is there any scope for interim or contracting roles in your field?

HPsauciness · 14/12/2015 12:02

Drew why don't you both apply for other jobs and see what happens? My husband and I have swapped over the primary breadwinner role a few times now, depending which way the wind is blowing, who is most likely to get redundant, etc. I would encourage your wife to start applying for more jobs, not just the one!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 14/12/2015 12:03

At the risk of sounding like a teenager "A late book? Oh my fucking God"

That sounds like a nice place to work. Most bizarre. Are you a teacher? That's the only environment I can personally imagine where you could feel physically ill at the prospect of work to the point of wishing yourself at the bottom of the stairs? [Plus every teacher I know is an absolute wreck by the Christmas holidays]

Never leave a job without a job to go to is my mantra. The difficulty is to find the headspace to sort yourself out and get ready to look when you have so much on your plate at work and at home.

I'm sorry life is a bit shit at the moment for you OP and also for Drew64 Flowers

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/12/2015 12:12

A late book. Are they kidding. How patronising. I mean I can understand management pulling you to one side if you were 1 hour late every day and without good reason, but shaming you over 1 lousy minute.
Thats an abuse of power, oh and those mocking. That is a type of work place bullying. Flowers
Flowers for you as well Drew

Original poster
redlorryyellowlolly · 14/12/2015 12:38

Yep there is a late book. I think it's actually an online record rather than an actual book, but anyway...we have an attendance register too!

And no, not a school - it's an insurance/ legal organisation, and I'm a qualified solicitor (not that that seems to count for much!).

Sorry to all those in a similar situation, it is shit. Drew, I sympathise - it's hard being the sole breadwinner, hope things improve for you and your DW.

I've got a partner, but we don't yet live together, and he's not in a position to offer financial support (although emotionally he's great) - he's not working at the moment (having a few months off as he's been quite ill this year, it's not been a great 2015 for either of us).

I have an appointment with my GP next week. Not sure what to say about how I feel, other than that I feel everything is on top of me, especially at work, and I'd just like to press pause on it all for a while.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 14/12/2015 12:43

I think your management thinks they're playing make believe, a late book. It's almost laughable, well no not almost. It is ROFL in hysterics.

CoraPirbright · 14/12/2015 12:44

I also have to give 3 months notice. It's tempting to hand it in now, but I don't know how long it will take to find something else.

I think, for serious peace of mind, you should have something in the bag before you hand in your notice. From my own personal experience, just looking for a new job will give you a real lift! Good luck with it!