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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...To be a teeny bit dissapointed? (presents :P)

54 replies

AgeingArtemis · 13/12/2015 22:19

Yes, I know the idea of adults expecting presents is v. v. frowned upon on mumsnet, so I am fully prepared to be told IABU Blush

I'm a student, still financially dependent on parents and go "home" for the holidays etc. Just turned 20.

In October or November I was going to buy a jumper I really liked (30 pounds, so not cheap), when my mum pounced on it and insisted on paying for it as part of my birthday present. Fine, I'm not complaining Grin

I was at university for my birthday, so I didn't really do anything. I got a card in the post from my parents and also a small token present from an auntie (bless her). When I phoned my parents so that they could wish me a happy birthday my mum said that they were going to properly "do" my birthday and give me my presents when I went next went home.

When I went home, I was quite excited. I was given a cake (yum!) and happy birthday was sung and "presents" were produced... the jumper. Unwrapped. That's it.

(I hope) I'm not a spoiled brat, but I would have liked one tiny thing to unwrap, just for the sake of it...or even for the jumper to be wrapped! AIBU?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 13/12/2015 22:20

Loads of people will say you are but I don't think you are in the least.

BifsWif · 13/12/2015 22:22

YANBU. It would have taken little effort to wrap the jumper.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 13/12/2015 22:22

A little bit. But totally understandably so. I rarely get things to open on my birthday, or Christmas. It pisses me off, but it's just how it is in my case.

Griphook · 13/12/2015 22:23

No, I think when you don't have much money, gifts from other people become so much more important because you can't treat yourself.

LittlestLightOnTheTree · 13/12/2015 22:23

Financially dependant on your parents yet still expect more??

ExitPursuedByABear · 13/12/2015 22:23

One present. Is money an issue?

Bellyrub1980 · 13/12/2015 22:23

I think, no, you are not being unreasonable as I normally go a bit overboard for birthdays.

However, maybe they've been especially busy or stressed recently? Maybe they're running low on cash? Is it tradition in your family to wind down birthdays after a certain age? Did you make a big fuss on your mums last birthday?

Maybe your REAL present is still waiting? Like a car?! OUTSIDE???

Bellyrub1980 · 13/12/2015 22:25

Re-check your card. Once a shoved a card back in its envelope only to discover a week later it had a tenner in it

molyholy · 13/12/2015 22:25

Maybe they think that now you're an adult and you knew you were getting the jumper,itseemed a bit daft to wrap it up like they would for say, a 10 year old.

Bellyrub1980 · 13/12/2015 22:25

*once I shoved

sandylion · 13/12/2015 22:25

I can't think of when I stopped getting presents and started getting a crisp£20 in a card. Maybe your age or a bit younger? It's lovely that you got cake! Maybe they just didn't wrap it up because you knew what it was? If they had wrapped it up would you still have expected something else?

I think YABU and you need to accept you are getting older and birthdays get shitter.

BarbarianMum · 13/12/2015 22:28

I think when you are an adult one present from your parents is normal and to be expected. I also think when you are a student, these are the years when you are strapped for cash and learn to value it and ration it accordingly. If you are lucky, of won't always be like this but it is a necessary stage

Bellyrub1980 · 13/12/2015 22:28

Agree with Sandy. I got a key ring for my birthday this year (I'm 35)

LaContessaDiPlump · 13/12/2015 22:28

I think that if you've been told people (family especially) are going to 'do' your birthday 'properly' then it is not unreasonable to hope for a wrapped present. I don't think YABU to be a little surprised or perhaps disappointed. It would be very poor form to say anything though, I'm afraid.

Helenluvsrob · 13/12/2015 22:31

Aww. My big kids are your age and stage in life.

I'd do the same - something that you'd chosen of about that cost, but I do a " stocking" type things as well - stuff you need - socks, toiletries, bits of make up etc , jokey bits ( heart shaped washing up sponge anyone ?)and a book or two and some chocolate.

You would be expected to show " child at Xmas " great fullness and say " a hear shaped washing up sponge, if I ever knew this was I thing I would have wanted it all my life" etc so we can all enjoy the game though.

Sorry your parents have stopped playing the birthday game.

Have a hug and virtual heart shaped washing up sponge from me.

CFSsucks · 13/12/2015 22:32

YANBU. I hate the mentality on here that adults birthdays are unimportant. I will never stop bothering with my DCs birthdays no matter how old they are. Basically it was heavily hinted that there was more to come for your birthday so handing you the unwrapped jumper you picked up yourself is going to be underwhelming.

LaContessaDiPlump · 13/12/2015 22:33

As an aside:

My mother lost interest in Christmas when my sister was about 14 or 15, so I went back home one year on Christmas eve (from uni in another country) to find my sister carefully wrapping the presents that my mum had given her, unwrapped and early. DSis wanted to have something to unwrap the next day because to her that's Christmas, so she did it herself :(

I did feel sorry for her I have to say. Sometimes I feel that it's the small touches of finishing a gift that make it special and show that someone's thinking about you rather than ticking a box.

wishingchair · 13/12/2015 22:38

YANBU. I'd be upset at that and I'm 40. As would my mum be if I presented her gift from me like that. It's not about the stuff, it's the thought!

wishingchair · 13/12/2015 22:39

And Sad for your little sister LaContessa.

Original poster
AgeingArtemis · 13/12/2015 22:45

Contessa that's so sad! Sad

No it's definitely not a money thing. We are pretty comfortable, in fact my father in particular is very wasteful of money which really annoys me Angry but obviously it's none of my business

The mildy irritating thing is that they always overdo christmas (want to show off to extended family I suppose Grin) so I am fairly certain that they have already got some christmas presents stashed away so could have produced one of those, but oh well. My parents culture doesn't really celebrate 21st but they DO make a big deal out of 20 (as it's a round number I guess) so I was probably expecting too much when they said we were going to do a birthday celebration at home.

I obviously wouldn't be ungrateful and complain to anyone IRL!

OP posts:
HPsauciness · 13/12/2015 22:46

I wouldn't worry about it being unwrapped, my mum always gives me clothes in the bags with the receipt in case we want to take them back, plus she hates wrapping. But she probably would get me quite a few little things, like a jumper and a scarf and some smellies and a book, especially when I was younger and didn't have a partner or kids, so would know they were the only source of presents.

I don't think they did anything wrong, but I can see why it was a tad underwhelming!

TheHouseOnTheLane · 13/12/2015 22:48

Op YANBU and YABU. Same happened to me when I was 20 and at uni. My mum got me a duvet set in September for my early Christmas present....I needed it and when Christmas rolled around, I had about three token gifts to open.

The duvet set had been about 50 quid...and my gifts were usually cheap so it to`took the budget up.

I was childishly dissapointed though

LaContessaDiPlump · 13/12/2015 22:49

This is why I will push the Santa myth and make a fuss over my kids' birthdays until they're 40 well into middle age Grin

Tartyflette · 13/12/2015 22:49

When we used to go round to my DM's on Christmas eve, my mum would hand me a present still in its M&S bag and say, 'here, wrap this -- but don't look at it, it's for you.' Confused

YouTheCat · 13/12/2015 22:53

It would have taken a small amount of effort to wrap the jumper and maybe get another small gift. It's the lack of effort that is a bit shit really.

My kids turn 21 in 2 weeks. I wouldn't dream of not bothering even though money is a bit tight.