...To be a teeny bit dissapointed? (presents :P)

[AgeingArtemis]

Yes, I know the idea of adults expecting presents is v. v. frowned upon on mumsnet, so I am fully prepared to be told IABU

I'm a student, still financially dependent on parents and go "home" for the holidays etc. Just turned 20.

In October or November I was going to buy a jumper I really liked (30 pounds, so not cheap), when my mum pounced on it and insisted on paying for it as part of my birthday present. Fine, I'm not complaining

I was at university for my birthday, so I didn't really do anything. I got a card in the post from my parents and also a small token present from an auntie (bless her). When I phoned my parents so that they could wish me a happy birthday my mum said that they were going to properly "do" my birthday and give me my presents when I went next went home.

When I went home, I was quite excited. I was given a cake (yum!) and happy birthday was sung and "presents" were produced... the jumper. Unwrapped. That's it.

(I hope) I'm not a spoiled brat, but I would have liked one tiny thing to unwrap, just for the sake of it...or even for the jumper to be wrapped! AIBU?

[Mmmmcake123]

Yanbu if it isn't a money issue. Once grandchildren are around the gifts for aduts do seem to become less but if you are away from home I think you need to be spoiled a little on special occasions. All families are different tho and many don't seem to value birthdays in the same way as others.

[AgeingArtemis]

Tartyflette that's hilarious but also the kind of thing I can imagine my own mum doing

[musicposy]

I think she might have wrapped it, but maybe it felt a bit pointless as you knew what it was.

However, I have a DD almost your age (19), away studying. She's not at a regular uni (performing arts) and so we are having to fund her to the tune of several hundred pounds a month. Money is very tight. I cannot seem to get her to see that we can't manage to be supporting her and buying lots of presents on top.

I'm trying hard to keep things a bit more normal for DD2, as it's not her fault we are spending so much money on her older sister. But DD1 keeps on spotting quite expensive things and asking for them. I've told her we've got her a couple of medium sized presents (around £20 each) and a few small ones, but there won't be a superdry jumper/ bhs bed set/ expensive electrical gadget etc. I honestly don't think she believes me and can forsee upset. She's been back home a week and that week has been constant pointing out of things she would like.

So, it could have been wrapped, yes. But your parents are supporting you at a time when a) they don't have to and b) their lives would have otherwise become much easier finanicially, I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

[Fratelli]

They should have wrapped it imo. But yabu as you're financially dependent on them aged 20. I was financially independent at uni only a couple of years ago. Maybe get a part time job so you can buy things you want and your family can get you a suprise?

[Apathyisthenewblah]

I'm glad that my parents didn't decide once I was at Uni then birthdays weren't a bid deal anymore!
I'm rapidly approaching 40 with a DD of my own and my DM still wraps my presents and makes me a cake. I'm very grateful for this and do the same for her. It doesn't cost much to make someone feel special so YANBU in my opinion.

[BackforGood]

Aw.
No, you are not BU to be a bit disappointed.
I wrap things for my {away at university} ds, and also wrap up a few smellies / shampoos / type of thing so he can unwrap stuff for his birthday

[musicposy]

Plus it's easy to think your parents are loaded because you probably don't see the huge outgoings every month. I think my teens think we are well off because they see four figure sums without fully realising that a large majority of that goes each month on mortgage/ council tax/ gas/ electric/ water/ TV licence/ insurances/ car tax/ petrol to get to work and so on.

They may not be as comfortable as you assume.

[Apathyisthenewblah]

Also it is really not that rare to have financial support from parents at University. The vast majority of the students I teach do, I did although I also worked.
I fully expect to support DD and DSC in some way through higher education if that is the path they choose.

[ephemeralfairy]

YANBU. I'd be upset. Christmas in my family is a strained and sad occasion for various reasons so I make a big deal out of birthdays.
As others have said it's the lack of effort and thought. They could at least have wrapped the bloody jumper even if they couldn't be bothered to get you anything else! For my mum's last birthday I had hardly any money but I made her a sort of scrapbook of photos, postcards, theatre tickets etc that I've kept from the last few years.
It's not about the money!! I don't think you sound spoilt or 'entitled' (favourite word on here) at all. 20 is not too old to expect a birthday present from your parents...!

[AllTheChefs]

I feel for you OP. My mum is now too old and infirm to go out and buy me presents let alone wrap them. I get a cheque in a card for birthday and Christmas and find it very galling. Yes I know I am spoilt I have offered to buy my Dsis stocking presents but doubt will get any of my own!

[GreenPetal94]

I think they just didn't wrap the jumper as you'd already seen it. My parents always got me just one present, even when I was young. I always wished for a pile of presents. So that's what I get my own sons, not a high total spend, but lots to unwrap.

[bodenbiscuit]

YANBU IMO because you already knew you were getting it. At 20 I can understand how you feel.

[TheFairyCaravan]

YANBU

DS1 is 21 tomorrow, I'm really not sure how because I'm only 21 , he's in the army and needed some kit which we bought and he had early. He doesn't think he's got anything for tomorrow but we have got him something to open, and something from DS2(18) who is still at uni and dependent on us.

DS2 will be 19 on Christmas Eve, he's still not told me what he wants for his birthday, I think he wants money. He's got plenty to open on Christmas morning, so I'll take something out of thre so he's got something small to open on his birthday.

[Pobspits]

YABU but you kind of know that and I can understand it.

My mother in law just says 'buy yourself something I'll give you £x after you've bought it'. This is for birthdays and Christmas and for me, Dh and the kids. It massively pisses me off. If much rather they spent less but thought and bought themselves.

[Witchend]

I've only once had more than one present from my parents, value would be round £30. They would wrap it though. (unless it was too big)

[Hopefullyoneday1]

At least they remember your birthday!

[KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth]

I think it is the build up and expectation more than anything, if your mum had just wished you HB on the day over the phone and said "I hope you are enjoying the jumper!" Then that would be different but because you were expecting them to "do" your birthday your expectations were raised...

Slightly different but I once had a boyfriend who hyped up Valentines Day loads, after I said I wasn't fussed, so I bought him loads of lovely gifts and got all excited, on the day he gave me a bag of haribo and told me he was going out with his mates if I wanted to join them...

[Anotherusername1]

Oh well I'm 43 and my mum has just bought me half a new bike for Christmas!

(ie we've gone halves on the cost). And I am sure I will get something small to open on the day, beautifully wrapped. I bought my mum a trip away for a recent birthday, she still got something to open on the day as well. Why does present-giving have to be rubbish just because you are an adult?

[Bakeoffcake]

YANBU

It doesn't matter how old you are, close family should make an effort for you birthday.

[iwantgin]

YANBU OP.

Your DM should have wrapped the jumper - and perhaps got you something else, just a small token gift - flowers, chocs, bottle of wine ?

I think birthdays are far more important to celebrate than Christmas- and get very annoyed with all the big spending at Christmas time, but come birthdays it's all low key.

DS and DSS birthdays are both very near to Christmas - and we try to make sure they are treated as big events.

[fruitlovingmonkey]

YANBU it doesn't take much effort to wrap something up or to pop to the shops and buy a book, a magazine, a new mascara, etc. All small presents but much appreciated as a student.
People who think birthdays/ Christmas are all about children and not for adults ABU.

[WeirdCatLadyIsFeelingFestive]

YANBU, but I think a lot of people do scale back birthdays once you're an adult.

Not me though, so here you go 🎁🎁🎁

[RB68]

I think it is a difficult transition time - the big world is scary so you would like to hang on to some childhood traditions for a bit longer. I actually think you are very vulnerable between 20 and 25 just because you move to being independent and it can be a shaky start.

I think you were not unreasonable to expect a little more - even if it were a £5 handcream or soap/shower gel gift pack on top of the jumper. Having said that I am afraid for most women around 21 is when the gift giving dries up unless you have an OH who is particularly switched on AND good at sussing what you want, unfortunately that is a rare thing. SO Mothers of boys you have a job to do here!!!

We used to get a main pressie and then useful stuff so the socks toiletries etc. But then never huge things usually around £20 for birthdays as there were 6 of us. But always a cake and I used to make most of the kids ones for Mum - so it wasn't necessarily always M&D siblings joined in as well. And as the older siblings started earning (age 14 on) we used to get a little something for people and before earning we used to make things.

SO for birthdays and Christmas (yes OH is useless at presents unless I out and out tell him and I am bad at that as I can always think of more practical things to spend on) I try and buy myself something I wouldn't normally buy as a treat to myself even if its only £5 when we don't have much and I just fiddle the food budget about a bit to fit it in.

SO sad though it is I am afraid I wouldn't expect too much more and I hope you have some nice surprises for Christmas even if it is for show.

[maybebabybee]

YANBU.

[AgeingArtemis]

All the people saying IABU for being financially dependent on my parents

It's not an ideal situation and its not what I would have wanted, but I can only get the minimum loan, which doesn't even cover my rent, despite me living in one of the cheapest and grottiest house shares i could could find.
I did work in the summer, but I didn't get enough to live on for the whole year.

I can't work Christmas or Easter as I have exams that it might compromise. Ditto with weekends- my course includes unpaid weekend shifts and the rest of the time, I'm studying my arse off. Sometimes I don't even have time to go food shopping until several days after I run out of proper food so a part time job is not really feasible.

I am borrowing from my parents, with the full intention to pay it back. If you had the money (I never said we were loaded but I do know my parents finances quite well, earnings are above average and there is no mortgage) wouldn't you rather lend some money to your DC than have them dependent on wonga.com?

Yes, I could have decided to work a year or 2 before going to university, but I had the offer now with no chance of deferring it so I decided to go now. I'm really, really not unique in being assisted and supported by my parents at university.