To be pissed off about his hair?

[doitanyways]

Went away for weekend. He had promised me he'd get a haircut ready for interview on Monday (hasn't worked since April.) Just got home, no haircut. Which means no job, I could scream!!

Wow some lessons in nastiness here. This is an op at the end of her tether I thought it was fairly obviously a sibling or nephew and actually shouldn't make any difference if it's a sponging stepson, dc or dp, my advice is the same stop helping because it's pushing you too hard and enabling him to cruise through life on your hard work. If he lives with you then that needs urgent reviewing if you are helping out financially please stop he needs at 37 to stand or fall on his own

Jesus Christ what is wrong with people on MN these days?

OP has said all she wants to say, is clearly at the end of her tether and you have NO FUCKING RIGHT to any more information than she is prepared to give.

You insensitive, stupid vipers.

If he doesn't have any income or capital his JSA won't stop. He'll have to apply for income based JSA instead, which is simple enough to do.

Stuff like DLA is disregarded if he gets that.

Not useful for the haircut stuff but ought to help.

Most hair dressers open at 8, if you are really so invested in him having a hair cut maybe you should escort him to a salon before his interview.

Jeez. It's long hair. Not a major issue these days. Just make sure it is washed and tidy. It only looks like a dragged through a hedge backwards situation if it is untidy. Having shorted hair won't stop that.

Wow weareeternal. Escort him to the hairdressers. What is this - forcing an adult to do something they won't do. If my partner tried to force me to get my hit cut in a certain way I would tell them where to go.

to be honest Obsidian, I don't see. I already namechanged but the situation is so identifiable that anyone could identify us and in fact someone already has, so I really did have good reasons for being 'cryptic' (which was actually just being respectful of someone's privacy.)

It is one thing to out myself, another thing to out somebody else.

By "caring responsibilities" do you mean a partner who you feel responsible for? That would be a very different thing to a child or disabled relative or ill husband or whatever.

If it is a partner then the answers on here would be very different.

In any case you sound resentful and it's generally easier to walk away from a boyfriend than a child of yours.

I can't anyway I have to leave for work in ten minutes.

It's not a partner, and I know I clarified that, nor my son, anyway WHO it is really, really doesn't matter, it's someone I am supporting financially and emotionally for probably the rest of either his life or mine and mostly I manage well and laugh and joke and smile but sometimes I want to scream. Very occasionally but still, I do.

Fair enough, but I do think some posters would help if you would let them. Maybe you wouldn't be as responsible as you feel you are, but I appreciate that you came on here for a rant and nothing more. Hope he gets the job.

Sorry, missed the bit about it not being a partner.

I'm obviously too slow to follow the thread and will bow out gracefully.

If you are providing care and will care for the rest of his life am I right in guessing there's some sort of illness or disability? The obsession with rehearsing the interview answers sounds familiar. Has he been assessed as fit for work?

He hasn't been assessed as anything. That's why it's so hard: he will stop being eligible for JSA in around four months yet I can't see him ever working again. The full whack of the financial responsibility therefore falls on me, as well as the emotional stuff, and I could weep with frustration today.

It is very hard to give practical advice without knowing what his problems are, if any and what your relationship is. Whatever the situation, you sound at the end of your tether. I may get flamed for this, but I don't think siblings, for instance, are necessarily the responsibility of their brothers and sisters, although lots of threads on here take a different view.

Unfortunately fireside he very much is and it's not really practical advice I need, I am just upset and very frustrated.

If the parents are no longer living or able to take care of their children sibling care often falls upon the shoulders of the remaining family.

fireside you sound like a very caring person to look after your brother like this. Have you tried to seek professional help for him?

If he needs a carer then he should be claiming esa not jsa. If he's just lazy and workshy then I can't see why you are responsible for him.

He is self sabotaging which must be very frustrating for you. Does he have a SEN or does he just not want to work? If he actually needs a carer and you are prepared to do it you need advice on claiming benefits, respite etc.

Are you caring for him in a legal sense? You mentioned that he's never felt comfortable having his hair cut. If this was something you were aware of, why didn't you go with him, y'know in a caring capacity?
There are certain 'normal' activities that my DD cannot take part in without support. As she ages, if she still finds these these impossible/difficult, I will continue to support her with them, not be resentful towards her as she should be able to manage them herself.
In fact, I take my 78 year old exGMIL to the hairdresser, as it's something she needs supported to do!

My dh cuts his own hair. I think that's possibly even worse

I had a loved family member who required emotional and financial support for a long time. It was draining. In the end I had to walk away and leave other people to sort the problem out, most of all the person in question had to take responsibility and sort themselves out - whether they were SN, mentally or physically unwell. & do you know what? They did!

Once I stopped being there it is amazing what happened. Everyone else rallied around a little and that person pulled through. & yes they worked again. not at the same level or in the same area as before but they did work again and they did support themselves again.

It was a relief. I made myself ill taking it all on and worrying.

So, do you have access to a counsellor you can go see to help you make a plan? It isnt fair that you take on the worry and care of another adult - it doesnt matter if it is a parent, sibling, child of your loins or best mate. Adults are adults, no matter what their problems.

I found a counsellor really helped. I actually went to the counsellor to help me with my insomnia and recurrring illness. The actual cause was this other problem. Took me 6 sessions but I did loosen the apron strings over that 6 month period and was much healthier and happier for it. So was that other person.

I am not saying your situation is the same but explaining what helped me to see if my story can help you in any way.

best of luck. moan away but probably best not to post in AIBU if you want gentler responses!!!

Perhaps you could go to the gp with him. If you are caring for him and will need to for the rest of his life he must have some degree of disability or illness.

There is absolutely no one else to help.

He has SEN (autism) but point blank refuses to accept it so can't do a thing other than watch the car crash.

Bunbaker I don't look after my brother. Are you mixing me up with someone else? Although it's quite nice to have a lovely post coming my way, so I may just pretend it was meant for me.