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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off about his hair?

134 replies

doitanyways · 13/12/2015 20:36

Went away for weekend. He had promised me he'd get a haircut ready for interview on Monday (hasn't worked since April.) Just got home, no haircut. Which means no job, I could scream!!

OP posts:
Original poster
doitanyways · 13/12/2015 22:15

Sole care, me the only one doing anything. Anyway - will hide the thread now, it's just getting me upset and making me feel bad. I realise people want information but sometimes it isn't appropriate to give it if the information isn't about you.

OP posts:
tametempo · 13/12/2015 22:15

I have a suspicion it's your step-son. Your attitude comes across like that of the 'stereotypical' resentful step parent.

Dipankrispaneven · 13/12/2015 22:16

China, you're being offensive for the sake of it. OP hasn't lied, she simply has a different interpretation. And she has no obligation to tell us precisely who this person is.

ADishBestEatenCold · 13/12/2015 22:19

Is it not a bit of a thing now for men to scrunch their unruly hair up in a bun?

Seems to work with all dress styles.

rollonthesummer · 13/12/2015 22:19

You are giving us no useful information about who this is about and then getting stroppy because we can't help you!

The answers we would give would be very different depending on who we are talking about! Is it your....
Step son who you are supporting?
Ex husband who lives with you
Partner who won't move out
Husband
nephew who lives with you?

serin · 13/12/2015 22:20

You never know, he might give great answers and be just what they are looking for. Is it a public facing role?

Original poster
doitanyways · 13/12/2015 22:21

Thank you dip (I can't find how to hide the thread so may as well say thank you Smile)

tame, I am resentful, but not because it's my stepson. Actually if it was my stepson, considering he is 37, I probably could be justified in feeling resentful because I am providing money but more than money, I am at times utterly exhausted with the drama of it all.

On Friday I had listened to droning on about this interview and said brightly 'great; I think a haircut might be in order though, you're looking a tad wild there!' (very kindly and in a friendly sort of way) and gently reminded again before I left. I had texts asking for advice about the interview over the weekend. And then I get back and the hair looks, as I've said, awful. It isn't remotely long enough for a ponytail, it just looks wild and bushy and like he's stuck a finger in an electric socket I suppose. And I know they will take one look at him and not employ him.

Anyway, I shouldn't have started the thread really ... It's a complex situation and one I feel so alone with I could cry and sometimes I do, so ... Smile

OP posts:
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 13/12/2015 22:22

This is an odd thread - why be vauge then flounce when people ask a perfectly reasonable question. It makes a difference in terms of the person you are referring to. In this case, it sounds to me like you are supporting this person without good reason. You cannot be suprised when they take the mick/not make any effort to find a job.

Rufuswetwipe · 13/12/2015 22:22

Dip I disagree, the OP kept stating that she had said who it was then insinuated that posters were too stupid to keep up but actually the OP hadn't stated the "culprit" and I think for this post it was relevant. I.e the advice given would have been different depending on age/relationship. Drip feed on this one...reading it annoyed me. But then again I'm in a mood today Grin

ChinaSorrows · 13/12/2015 22:23

I agree roll.

Asking who the person is is more about ascertaining their age too.

Looks, attitudes etc are differently approached for a 20 or a 50 year old.

But, hey, stroppy bollocks implies this information is "irrelevant" and she's clearly the expert.

Original poster
doitanyways · 13/12/2015 22:24

I certainly wasn't trying to imply posters were stupid, but I had stated it was someone I had caring responsibilities towards and people were, in some cases quite rudely ('fucking bored already') insisting they didn't know who it was.

Rufus, the situation annoys me too actually.

OP posts:
liinyo · 13/12/2015 22:24

I will be watching this space tomorrow in the hope he got the job despite his haircut

tametempo · 13/12/2015 22:24

Vaguely, what is the job doing op ?

Tartyflette · 13/12/2015 22:27

I cannot see why some people are getting so narked, (and rather rude) OP. IF you don't want to say, then you don't have to. You have identified the person as much as you want, or are able to.

And I get it, first impressions are important; several studies have indicated that interviewers make up their mind about potential employees within a couple of minutes of the start of the interview.

OK, if you're already in a job and are performing well, it may not matter about your appearance (up to a point, anyway) but you need to present yourself well at interview, neat and clean at least, and this also probably means presenting yourself to look like the other people (including the interviewers) who already work there!

(We tend to choose people who are not dissimilar to ourselves so unless he's going for a job at Google, or similar, you have to play the game.)

Hassled · 13/12/2015 22:30

I think this is less to do with his hair and more to do with the fact you sound absolutely at the end of your tether with whatever pressures this person is putting you under. So - how can you address that? Who else is taking any of the load? Who else should be taking any of the load?

Natkingcole9 · 13/12/2015 22:37

I'm guessing it's OPs dad.

Dipankrispaneven · 13/12/2015 22:45

I think for this post it was relevant. I.e the advice given would have been different depending on age/relationship

This is AIBU, not "Please advise me".

DonkeyOaty · 13/12/2015 22:53

Right. Not a lot to be done about the hair, out of your control as it were.

So. You have caring responsibilities for a 37 year old man. I can tell this is taking a toll on you emotionally - financial burden too? Can we help you to unpick some of this?

Original poster
doitanyways · 13/12/2015 23:05

Thank you for your kindness :)

Normally I am able to detach fairly well (it's a sibling by the way - just to stop the endless speculation as to who it is although I honestly don't see what difference it makes) and just do my best but I am worried about what the future holds. His jobseekers will stop in April. It seems quite close in a way.

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 13/12/2015 23:18

Yes April will zoom up amazingly fast.

Plough on my dear. [Gentle pat to upper arm]

CassieBearRawr · 14/12/2015 00:40

If you'd have posed that this was your brother from the beginning you'd have probably got some helpful advice on page 1, instead of 3 pages of unnecessary angst.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2015 01:30

I know it's frustrating but the answer to the question is different. If it's your partner, child or sibling. If the person lacks capacity. If you are supporting them because they are useless or because they need support. If the support you give them is linked to the issue (so if they have a physical disability they might need 'care' but get to decide what they do with their own hair).

Funinthesun15 · 14/12/2015 01:35

I have a suspicion it's your step-son. Your attitude comes across like that of the 'stereotypical' resentful step parent.

Nothing like a rude sweeping generalisation is there Hmm

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 14/12/2015 06:33

Don't you see that it was impossible to give relevant advice without knowing whether this was an offspring, parent, friend, sibling or other?
Maybe you just wanted a moan and not advice but still. It's confusing and hard to respond when you are being weirdly cryptic.
The situation sounds difficult- can you name change and write a post about the whole thing for advice?

HelpfulChap · 14/12/2015 06:46

I am in the OPs corner. With so many applicants for every job these days you have to do everything possible to give yourself the best chance of landing one.

If that means getting a haircut, so be it.