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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think put your phones away and enjoy the night

72 replies

Narnia72 · 13/12/2015 09:16

Last night I went out with a group of mum friends, some of whom I don't know very well. They spent the whole evening posing with each other and taking photos. Looking round the bar it seemed to be a really common thing. I don't get it. Why would you spend so much time taking the perfect photo for social media and not actually socialise?

I felt like a killjoy. I don't enjoy having my photo taken at the best of times and am not v photogenic. We did have a laugh, but it seemed to centre very much around the photos.

Clearly haven't been out much, but it was really weird to observe. Everyone there, not just my group, was doing it. When did this become such an all consuming thing?

OP posts:

specialsubject · 13/12/2015 12:16

surfer it would be ok if it was 20 seconds. Trouble is that it sounds like the whole evening was photographing everything in sight. Yawn.

SurferJet · 13/12/2015 12:21

Oh I agree. taking. pics all night long is silly ( & boring ! ) I only ever take about 5 or 6 photos & upload them onto FB - anymore than that is too much imo.

OurBlanche · 13/12/2015 12:24

I'd like to defend those of us who don't go out all that often

I don't and when I do I like to interact with the people I am with. Phone stays in bag/pocket all night or until

The person I am with spends most of their time stopping mid way through a sentence to answer their phone call/text/pingy thing, to start almost at the last word uttered once the more important phone has been dealt with.

Then my phone comes out, DH is informed I am coming home, lift arranged if necessary and leave.

I lost a friend, she spent an hour looking at her phone, eating one handed and apologising "Sorry, I just need to..." I paid for my meal, arranged a lift and got half way home before she sent me a puzzled text, wondering where I had gone.

She facebooked my rudeness for days

So yes, they do harm, they piss people off, they ruin relationships, they appear to be highly addictive replacements for real life. Better Than Life is real, it is here and it is worse that Grant Naylor anticipated!

DotForShort · 13/12/2015 12:38

I'm with you. The constant checking of phones when out with friends is beyond annoying, and taking pictures all evening is just as bad. I recently heard a fascinating radio story about young girls and their friendships. They spent hours taking selfies, posting them online, and commenting on their friends' pictures. And all the comments were generic and formulaic ("You look so pretty" and the like). It was an interesting glimpse into the lives of young teenagers for whom selfies had become a highly prized form of social currency. It all sounded exhausting and artificial to me. If this is the new way of interacting with friends, I want no part of it.

LagunaBubbles · 13/12/2015 12:40

Pictish my recordings of Simple Minds are anything but tinny, muffled and blurry! What am I going to do with them? Watch then of course.

Ragwort · 13/12/2015 12:56

YANBU. I cannot understand the mentality of taking pictures all the time, fortunately most of the friends I spend time with are the same we are of mature years . I very, very rarely use my camera (don't understand it really) and it would only be to take a picture of family/friends I hadn't seen for ages.

It is just rude to be glued to your phone all the time, even my teenage son knows that.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/12/2015 12:58

Agreed, it's sad. People are more concerned with everyone knowing they're having a life than actually having a life. When people post pics of themselves with other people I don't know at a restaurant or whatever, I scroll past quickly because IDGAF about it. And don't get me started on selfies.

BreakfastAtStephanies · 13/12/2015 13:55

YANBU. I once walked off the dance floor and out of the nightclub on a hen night because one of the bride-to-be's friends was taking close-up photos of everybody dancing and I can't stand it and suddenly felt trapped. I had no say in it, there was no avoiding it. I didn't feel I could enjoy myself. May have been precious of me to strop off but the bride-to-be came outside and fully understood and was lovely. She is my dear friend and I told her how I felt, I did go back inside and the others just thought I wanted fresh air

BreakfastAtStephanies · 13/12/2015 14:00

OurBlanche - what is Better Than Life ? Is it a book ? SciFi ?

Zucker · 13/12/2015 14:16

The phone is just such an extension of some people now. I was at a talk at a museum the other day and the guide was explaining different cribs of the world to us. Midway round, her phone beeped and without missing a beat she took out the phone checked message tapped the phone for a bit and carried on with the talk. I doubt she even noticed she did it.

I hate the selfie thing on a night out mostly as my photo self never matches with what I think I look like.

OurBlanche · 13/12/2015 14:24

Better Than Life is a Red Dwarf thin, episode and booken.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Than_Life_%28Red_Dwarf%29

It is a total immersion game that is, quite simply, Better Than Life. It comes with some obvious and not so obvious problems/

SevenOfNineTrue · 13/12/2015 14:24

It is actually so common now to use phones etc at the table. I think it is sad.

OurBlanche · 13/12/2015 14:24

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Better_Than_Life_%28Red_Dwarf%29

Sorry

Pippin8 · 13/12/2015 14:36

We went out walking with friends & they did this. Got to the top of a hill-photo, in a field with a few sheep-photo. It really got on my nerves, even though DH thought I was being miserable. I wanted to look at the scenery not have a fecking photo every time we stopped. Hate, hate, hate it.

BreakfastAtStephanies · 13/12/2015 14:56

Thanks for that. I enjoyed SwordArtOnline and will have a look

elf0508 · 13/12/2015 15:06

I was at an Abba tribute last night, before they were even on there was middle aged woman taking photos of themselves, forcing their smile. Was very sad

elf0508 · 13/12/2015 15:08

A guy I know works for Scot rail, he has over 300 photos on Facebook of him on the train at every new stop

Vintagebeads · 13/12/2015 15:12

I met up with friends I hadn't seen in a while and it was all about the bloody phone,they had a five minute
discussion on who should be the one to tag everyone, ten attempts at a bloody photo which then they checked who had left a comment.
They are all lovely otherwise normal women from late 40s to 20s but I do see any of there posts on Feb in a new light now I know how much effort it took!

WoodHeaven · 13/12/2015 16:32

I agree that it has become so normal now that people don't even noticed!

Even 'oldies' line me do that bog I need to send a text to dd (who us with her dad and well looked after). Oh I have a text from DH telling me what we are going to eat tonight. Or DH us asking me where is xxx /what he should do for dinner/Taft the dcs are creating mayhem.

I think we've arrived to a point where communication is so way that we need to learn to control it.
Unfortunately I many people now think that we should be always contactable, whatever the time or the day or night that not answering the person on the other side ifbthevtextvis seen as more rude than ignoring the person right in front of you

Original poster

Narnia72 · 13/12/2015 18:12

Can't see who posted it, but it wasn't a 20 sec snap. At one point two of them spent 15 mins, I know because I timed it, taking pic of themselves pouting until they got a pic both of them were happy with. Then the upload to fb etc. I'm happy for a photo or two, but really, just standing in different pouty positions and snapping away all night? One girl was telling me at the end of the evening she had taken over 100 that night.

I won't be doing it again. Oh and we are all around the 40 mark!

OP posts:

angelos02 · 14/12/2015 02:58

YANBU. Reeks of desperation to pretend you have a good social life. Friends & I were out on Friday. Not a single photo taken. Just wouldn't occur to us.

ProfessorPreciseaBug · 14/12/2015 03:08

When you take a photo, you take yourself out of what you are photographing. However, it is possible a group selfie actually reinforces group behaviour?

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