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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not to bother with presents for impossible DH?

60 replies

Plateofcrumbs · 11/12/2015 13:10

DH is impossible to buy for. He's not short of money and just buys himself whatever he wants/needs whenever he wants/needs it. He is VERY particular about what he likes and doesn't. Year after year I have battled to buy him gifts he'll appreciate, every year I mess up and he ends up returning stuff.

We have a young DS now do there will be plenty of present opening and fun on Christmas Day. I have told DH I don't want anything special for Christmas (but I know he'll ignore this and buy me loads of unnecessary stuff). AIBU to just buy DH a couple of token gifts and avoid all the faff?

OP posts:
Plateofcrumbs · 12/12/2015 02:17

Some good suggestions here although over the years I have ticked off most of them. Have done loads of experience-y type stuff - massage, barbering, meals, theatre and some random stuff like a birds of prey handling experience and indoor skydiving. I've already asked for a 'date night' (dinner + babysitter) for my present, which was dumb as that'd have been an easy win.

Booze and chocs regularly feature. He loves socks so I always buy socks (but manage to get that wrong too Confused ).

He's just bought himself a PS4 - would have been a brilliant present but he just treated himself! Angry

OP posts:
PeasOnEarth · 12/12/2015 03:08

Games for the ps4?
Would he like something you've made - time is often more valuable than money when you have the kind of relationship you're describing - so this year I have made DH a scarf.
I also buy board games (kind of for us) but my DH sounds much easier to please than many mentioned here. How about a coffee or chocolate tasting subscription - Pact/ Cambridge Coffee Company for the former and cocoa runners for the latter?

We've set ourselves a £20 challenge this year - and put what we'd have spent together for a few nights away over New Year to experience Hogmanay in Edinburgh.

Graciescotland · 12/12/2015 05:32

I have a fussy DH too. I buy him slippers, nice ones made from deerskin with a sole and a sheepskin inner. I buy the same slippers birthday and christmas, it's a bit of a standing joke now but he really likes them.

FinallyHere · 12/12/2015 06:28

Well, I am his DW and would love to do away with the whole presents thing. I have suggested lots of times that presents are for the next generation and how lucky I count myself to be able to choose and buy myself anything I want.

DH on the other hand loves surprises and claims that he would rather have years of misses, just for the occasional surprise which is an unexpected hit. It's pretty much the only thing where we are just mot compatible. So, after the summer holidays, I stop myself buying anything and write it on his list' instead. It doesn't really bother me but I do wonder sometimes why I just can't have things. He promises to spend only token amounts on surprises for me and to discuss larger purchases.

I've got better at buying him things he will like, rather than things I want him to have. I still don't really see the point. Great for children and during the struggling years, but now... Honestly?

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 12/12/2015 06:42

I am an ungrateful reciever, but I have been on the receiving end of some dire gifts - yoga books when I have been old never to do yoga, crochet book when I can't crochet and it hurts my wrists. The list is endless. The trouble is that he likes to get surprises for me (doesn't ike buying off a list) but is then surprised that I don't want a ladle because we already have three. Or that I don't like some mint chocolate because I don't eat mint, never have done. I am now training my dc to remember my list and then present the items to dh as surprises I might like Grin.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 12/12/2015 06:56

During the year we both buy things as we need them so DH doesn't need or want anything for Christmas, but he is always very pleased with the sweets, jigsaw and malt whiskys he gets from me and the DDs each year. He is actually easy to buy for as he is always grateful for whatever he is given.

In return he and the DDs know I will be thrilled to bits with anything from the M&S toiletries section or Crabtree and Evelyn.

It has taken us decades years to get to this stage but we like it as our Christmas shopping is not time-consuming or stressful and everyone is happy.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 12/12/2015 06:56

This thread is sad. I wouldn't bother in most of your positions. Just get something they like to eat or drink in a fancy version.

weeblueberry · 12/12/2015 20:22

Agree with games for the ps4! If you tell us what he has I can suggest others. Make you seem like a pro when you hand it over 😉

WhispersOfWickedness · 12/12/2015 20:35

I have an update about mine, he was moaning about the iron we have not working very well the other day, so I have bought him an iron Grin

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 16/12/2015 16:13

I do understand that when a spouse buys something they ought to know is wholly unsuitable, it can be upsetting, because it implies that s/he isn't bothering to register your preferences or what is going on in your life. That said, if DH were as churlish with me as some of the husbands being described on this thread, I would be really really cross. It surely must be possible to explain politely why something is not suitable?

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