Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to bother with presents for impossible DH?

60 replies

Plateofcrumbs · 11/12/2015 13:10

DH is impossible to buy for. He's not short of money and just buys himself whatever he wants/needs whenever he wants/needs it. He is VERY particular about what he likes and doesn't. Year after year I have battled to buy him gifts he'll appreciate, every year I mess up and he ends up returning stuff.

We have a young DS now do there will be plenty of present opening and fun on Christmas Day. I have told DH I don't want anything special for Christmas (but I know he'll ignore this and buy me loads of unnecessary stuff). AIBU to just buy DH a couple of token gifts and avoid all the faff?

OP posts:
WitchWay · 11/12/2015 15:22

My DH has piles of unopened presents going back years - won't use them & won't let me get rid of any of them as they were presents Confused

he buys things he wants for himself all year too

I'm not getting him very much this Christmas - don't see the point

JapaneseSlipper · 11/12/2015 16:06

I think experiences (a ride in a sports car, balloon flight, event ticket) might be the way forward here

3point14159265359 · 11/12/2015 16:16

We only bother with presents for ourselves to show the DC how it's meant to work. So I'll feign delight opening the book I bought for him to give me, and he'll do the same with the torch I bought him, both of which were thrown in the supermarket trolley today. Romantic it's not, but I cba with the waste or clutter of unwanted presents or novelty stuff. If he's going to spend real money on me (jewellery or whatever) I want to choose it myself, because I'm picky.

Anotherusername1 · 11/12/2015 16:41

My DH is quite hard - but this year he is getting underwear, socks, two books, some nougat and some mens' goodies from Neal's Yard from me (one of the books is from ds).

I generally buy books and socks every year, the rest varies. He has a Kindle app but he is not allowed to read all his books online because then I'd really not know what to buy him (an Amazon voucher is a bit sad).

Wagglebees · 11/12/2015 16:42

LittleMiss That's shit! Sad What an ungrateful rude git he is. Buy yourself something with the money you would've spent on him, instead. Flowers

Anotherusername1 · 11/12/2015 16:43

He's very good at buying for me though - he often buys me a necklace or bracelet and he knows exactly what I like. He generally always gets it right, I don't think I've ever really been disappointed with a present from him in twenty years!

clockbuscanada · 11/12/2015 16:48

DH is getting pyjama bottoms (which DD5 is "in charge" of choosing and he wants a new pair of anyway), and some fairly posh candles that were a freebie with some other relatives' presents, for his study. He will probably treat himself to something else at some point. I'm getting a sensible laptop bag for work and probably a huge fuckoff bottle of some posh shampoo or shower gel. Like pi said, it's mainly to show DD how it works but also because we've had a few big household expenses in the last couple of months. At the moment I'd rather have a car that goes and a roof that doesn't leak then any amount of "stuff".

APipkinOfPepper · 11/12/2015 16:50

DH is a bit like this - I ask him for a few ideas and then pick one to get him. If I try and get him a surprise present I tend to keep it small. This year he has managed to just buy himself the exact same 2 items as my surprise present to him though. Who buys stuff for themselves 3 weeks before Christmas?!

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 11/12/2015 17:02

What is your budget? Because I would avoid objects and go for experiences like dinner in a very nice restaurant, or even a training course of some kind.

I once bought DH a cookery course. He never made me any of the dishes he was shown how to cook, but it did get him into the kitchen more (I didn't want to have to do all the cooking forevermore). Leiths do things like 'how to carve meat' courses, which are apparently popular. Wine/beer/whisky tasting is another good one.

Would he like the chance to have a go on a climbing wall?

Alternatively, go for humour. I once bought a friend a silly book of worst footballer hairstyles which he treasures as it never fails to make him (and others) laugh.

doctorboo · 11/12/2015 17:32

My DH is a bit like this, it makes birthdays and Christmas a wee bit tiring.

I had to give DH two of his Christmas gifts early this year: one was an experience voucher and his reaction to it was mortifying.
He complained about it only running at weekends and the fact that it a 1 person experience -the company didn't do a 2 person voucher.) Honestly I was really pissed off about it and more than a little gutted. I wish I'd kept the £71 for myself.
He then complained about me not wrapping up the Converse (2nd gift) to go under the tree -but he'd wanted to try them on in case they had to go back!!
I would never react/respond how he does, I've had some gifts off him that I've truly haven't wanted but I'd actually say anything because it'd hurt his feelings.

Crazypetlady · 11/12/2015 18:20

My dp acts grateful but I see through it, I got him a ps4 in october which he had asked and he got me a laptop on black friday as we came into money.I have got him a game of thrones book and will get something else for christmas. It is his birthday next week he has asked for a tattoo but we don't have huge amounts of money now so I might just take him for a meal.
I have learnt to just ask now and just get useful stuff.

Wagglebees · 11/12/2015 18:43

I keep a list of ideas on my phone that I add to throughout the year. If he says he likes something or I get an idea, on the list it goes. Don't necessarily get everything on it but it's good for inspiration.

He's always been hard to buy for because he says he doesn't want anything. He never buys himself anything and doesn't have any hobbies really other than photography which I don't have s clue about. He's always appreciative though and acts thrilled by everything.

Actually I feel pretty lucky now I've thought about it. Never complaining about it again. 😄

Gottagetmoving · 11/12/2015 18:52

Just get him gift cards for shops where he would buy himself stuff.
My DP never wants anything special. He prefers stuff that he needs like socks, underwear, toiletries..but not expensive ones, just the brands he regularly buys. He wouldn't be bothered if he got nothing at all.He hates me asking him for ideas for Xmas and always says 'Nothing, thank you'

SparklesandBangs · 11/12/2015 18:55

DH is like this, he has more than enough money to buy whatever he wants when he wants and is very fussy. He will get a fun stocking and has managed to write a father christmas list with some suggestions on so he will have stuff to open on the day. What he doesn't get he will just buy for himself!

I now also write a list of things I would like too as 'surprise me' was bringing gardening tools and cooking appliances not jewelry and perfume!

BlueJug · 11/12/2015 18:56

Why bother with presents at all then? It is a bit of a pointless charade. You have to waste time and money on something he doesn't want, (or he would have already bought it), and he has to pretend to like it or be thought rude and ungrateful.

Stuff gets taken back, everyone feels bad.

I used to get so much rubbish as presents; some of it lovely but I just don't want it, won't use it, don't have space for it. Always said "how lovely" because I was taught it was good manners. But how stupid, really. The present giver then thinks that they are good present buyers and thoughtful and I feel like shit - and have to reciprocate.

Do a token gift as pp suggested. Chocs, cheese, wine, consumables - it really is the thought that counts and if you know he'd prefer to get stuff himself then you are being thoughtful.

Sorry - I am a bit of a cynic. I would rather do something nice for someone when they need it than do the whole tree/present thing.

BlueJug · 11/12/2015 19:00

clock - me too - car that works and roof that doesn't leak!!

TempusEedjit · 11/12/2015 19:07

Would he appreciate you making him a homemade cake and card? That's what I used to do for impossible to buy for ExH.

laundryeverywhere · 11/12/2015 19:15

Yes my Dh is another of these. Now he can't even have much chocolate for health reasons. I just get him to tell me what he wants, normally a book or DVD, and get a couple of cheap little bits and pieces for surprises. Tbf he is quite happy with this

3point14159265359 · 11/12/2015 19:21

I'm sure tech advances have made it harder too - in these digital days books, CDs and DVDs are no longer the trusty standbys they used to be.

Lancelottie · 11/12/2015 19:25

I'm reading this thread in the hope of ideas, but DH is off wine, chocolate, coffee and cheese for the moment (health problems) and so bloody tall that he can only buy (really, really boring) clothes online.

He's also too tall for car/bus/plane/balloon experiences, has plenty of cufflinks and has a Kindle rather than reading real books.

More ideas please? Pretty please?

BlueJug · 11/12/2015 19:34

An evening or lunch out. No kids, just you, somewhere nice.

A voucher for an excellent sports massage at a really good gym/ clinic/hotel

A barbering experience, (men's grooming - shave, facial, hair trim - wonderful!).

Lancelottie · 11/12/2015 19:54

Hmm, actually, a sports massage is a really good idea. Thank you!

Lancelottie · 11/12/2015 20:01

Booked and sorted!

CharleyDavidson · 11/12/2015 20:34

I've practically given up with DH. He's not into anything in particular. He will complain if something's not perfect. I splashed out 2 Christmases ago and got him a laptop. He's complained loudly (as he does at inanimate objects) how shit it is whenever something isn't running as he things it should every bloody day, except I can hear the complaining and take it as a criticism of what I got him.

Even in the run up to Christmas, he will put down anything adverised on TV as rubbish (I think in an effort to persuade me not to buy it) and has just this minute turned around to tell me not to buy him any of (his favourite) cider this year as he thinks it doesn't agree with him. I've finished my shopping. It's bought and will just have to wait for his birthday or whenever he caves and buys himself something. He will also buy himself anything he wants without thinking that he might be spoiling a gift someone's bought for him.

So from last year I stopped trying to get him surprises. He gets a few token things. His cider (hmmmmm), a box of the biscuits he likes, some chocolate. The Dds get him something small. This year he has a drone as a gift. He has expressed an interest in them and I came across one on Amazon at a good price so there wasn't any planning or stressing. If he hates it the kids will play with it.

He has given me something he bought for himself and told me I can give him that. Fine, suits me.

YeOldeTrout · 11/12/2015 22:08

I am impossible to buy for. I don't like anything I didn't choose; I hate luxury or pointless stuff. Honestly, I'd just as soon have a small box of posh chocolate & new pr of socks every other yr. A herd of Oxfam goats would be fantastic. Nothing more is fine. Or let me order the items & someone else can wrap them.

I won't buy anything for DH except what he specifically links to in an email (these tyres, that gadget, etc)

I surprised DH with these... he finally came to appreciate them (a lot, too!) 2 yrs later.