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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't cancel plans with someone just because a better offer comes along!

35 replies

RainbowSparkles · 10/12/2015 21:07

I have just received a text from a friend, cancelling our plans for Saturday night because her other friend wanted her to go out somewhere with her.
She said you don't mind do you, as we haven't booked anything yet anyway.
We were going to the pub for drinks so we didn't need to book, I'm so annoyed I haven't replied yet.

OP posts:
CruCru · 10/12/2015 21:08

Yes, that is really annoying.

Gliblet · 10/12/2015 21:11

YANBU. She'd be right at the bottom of my list of priorities from there on.

Bunbaker · 10/12/2015 21:14

It is plain rude and inconsiderate to do this. I wouldn't answer her text.

KatieLatie · 10/12/2015 21:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

AdoraBell · 10/12/2015 21:31

Very rude and not how an actual friend threats their friends.

LaLyra · 10/12/2015 21:49

Unless her other friend is having a major crisis or has flown in from Australia after winning flights or something it's bloody rude.

I have a friend who has done similar. I don't think I'm going to bother re-making the plans.

Warmworm · 10/12/2015 21:51

I have one of these friends. She has no idea how it hurts some people. I still love her, but it is selfish and rude.

iwantgin · 10/12/2015 21:59

YANBU. She is though.

I would spend time with other friends -the friends who keep to the arrangements.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 22:06

I was supposed to meet up with a few friends to go bowling with the DC. One of the friends was then invited to the inlaws holiday villa abroad for the week, and so told us she couldn't make bowling. The person who had suggested bowling was incredibly put out, saying bowling had been arranged first, and the friend should have not gone on the paid for holiday.

YANBU, but I think it does depend on what the other offer is to a certain extent.

2rebecca · 10/12/2015 22:08

No, not swapping 1 friend for another friend. That's a friend you don't arrange to go out with again.

2rebecca · 10/12/2015 22:10

Holiday villa for a week v 1 night bowling is completely different, I'd feel the same if a child (of whatever age) suddenly came to visit. A night with 1 friend v a night with a different friend isn't in that league though

Original poster
RainbowSparkles · 10/12/2015 22:17

If she had just won an all inclusive holiday, I would be jealous rather than annoyed.
I won't be responding, I won't be bothering with her anymore either as this isn't the first time that she has let me down.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 10/12/2015 22:35

Yanbu.

She's incredibly rudest and you're right not to bother with her again.

Mmmmcake123 · 10/12/2015 22:43

Had a similar experience with a long-term friend that made me realise it was a one-way friendship. I think you are right to let the friendship slide, if she is worth remaining friends with she will pick up on this and try to make amends.

Mmmmcake123 · 10/12/2015 22:46

Flowers and Cake, you're better off without a 'friend' like that xx

Aeroflotgirl · 10/12/2015 22:48

Very rude, this would be a dealbreaker. You said she has a form for this, she would not be my friend anymore. You are not a friend to her.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 23:11

Very rude. I would be reconsidering the friendship if she does that on a regular basis.

JT05 · 10/12/2015 23:13

Very rude. A basic principle taught to children : honour first arrangement!

Littlecaf · 11/12/2015 06:33

A friend of mine constantly does this and it's annoying, so I feel your pain OP! She tends not the cancel, just suggest doing something else with another friend whenever I get to wherever we're meeting - i.e. 'I've said I'll meet Jane in Clapham, you don't mind popping over there do you?' Yes, I do actually, it's a million miles away and I've booked a restaurant in Walthamstow'. 'Oh we can go there after' 'It's a school night & I'm knackered so you can go' 'OK, perhaps we can rearrange cos she's got tickets for this thing and I've said I'll go' 'but we're going out for dinner' 'yeah, you don't mind do you?' argh!

diddl · 11/12/2015 07:07

I'd be replying that I did mind & she is very rude!

2rebecca · 11/12/2015 12:56

Agree with Diddl. If you have "friends" who repeatedly do this then they are only going to change if you make it clear when they suggest the change that they are being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I would ditch the friend. I'd rather stay at home than be mucked about.

Sidge · 11/12/2015 12:59

I would reply, and I'd make it clear that I DO mind actually and I think she's rude.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 11/12/2015 13:04

YNBU. Thats bang out of order. You don't just drop people as when you see fit. Not only that but I expect you were looking forward to a night out. May have even bought yourself a new dress. It's bloody horrible when you get let down. I don't think I'd speak to her again, tbh. Or if I did it would take me a long bloody time to forgive. I see no reason why she couldn't have invited you along with this other friend as well .
I second what diddl says.

MaxPepsi · 11/12/2015 13:06

I'm on the fence with this one.

I have 2 distinct group of friends.

Set A are laid back, easy going, shit happens to fuck up plans type of people. We would cancel a random catch up for a 'better offer' and no harm done.

Set B, are not so laid back, plans are in the diary for a catch up months (and I mean months) in advance when no one has a clue what may come up in the future, ie holidays, weddings, birthday parties etc. Cancel those plans and you are deemed to be a twat!

So yeah, I'm on the fence!

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 11/12/2015 13:10

I would just write 'Have a lovely time x ' and always be busy from that point forward.